... And we're back

After taking a few months off to recharge our batteries and question a higher power that would allow the Riders to win a Grey Cup (we're only now over it), we're back and ready to continue our efforts to bring about the end of civilization.

As we start our third year of this endeavour, we promise that we will continue to search for the lighter side of the most enjoyable league in the country and that we will continue to have an unhealthy fascination with Pinball Clemons and stadium scoreboard races.

Matt_Dunnigan_001.gifIn the weeks leading up to the season, we will be rolling out of team previews to help you get caught up on all of the changes made in the offseson.  The departures of Kent Austin and Scott Coe, the re-emergence of Roy Shivers, the big Ronald Flemons trade.... wait a minute...
Is that a Matt Dunigan cooking show

It's going to be a good year.

Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2008 at 12:04PM by Registered CommenterRusty in | Comments4 Comments

What we learned while killing our brain cells

The obvious lessons from this past weekend have already been well-documented. Toronto's capable of hosting a very decent Grey Cup, Saskatchewanians travel rather well and Lenny Kravitz really needs to invest in some new jeans. But over the course of four or five days of drinking and cavorting, you learn a few other things as well. And so we share with you our accumulated wisdom, in the form of 10 lessons that you can take home to impress all of your friends at Regina's swankiest cocktail parties:

1.) What happens in Edmonton should stay in Edmonton. To be clear, we thoroughly enjoy the Spirit of Edmonton breakfast. Copious drinking at 9:00 a.m., with hung-over cheerleaders doing extensive routines in the middle of the room? You really can't beat that. But we had a bad feeling when the MC kept promising us a "real treat" - the "Edmonton Festival City Road Show." At first, it didn't seem quite as weird as we had feared. While opening with a flexible woman dangling from a rope for about 10 minutes was a curious choice, the combination of African drums, Irish dancing and Scottish bagpipes that followed - surely a scene that plays out on many an Edmonton street corner - was quite charming. But then things took a turn for the bizarre. We really can't do this justice, except to say that it involved a middle-aged female lounge singer belting out inspirational songs while a becostumed gentleman introduced as "Randall Fraser, stiltwalker" teetered around on stilts and twirled ribbons in the air. We'll say this for it - it was nothing if not "festive." (And in case you're wondering - yes, Randall Fraser is a member of the Edmonton Stiltwalkers Society. Book him now for your holiday party!)

2.) Dave Dickenson might not be quite the hot offseason commodity you think he is. We feel a little bad about this, because Dickenson seems like a really nice guy and concussion-related problems are unfortunate. Also, he's surprisingly tiny in person, which is always endearing in football players. But while the likes of Henry Burris and Marcus Brady were tearing up Thursday's touch-football tournament, featuring CFL quarterbacks playing with regular-guy teammates, Dickenson had his problems. The low point came when the bespectacled fellow counting steamboats chased him at least 10 yards into the backfield, then somehow forced a fumble despite this being a non-contact game. We'd expect that sort of thing from Kurt Warner, maybe, but it's not going to cut it in the CFL.

3.) Power tools + excessive drinking = good times. In the list of all-time bad ideas, this one has to be up there. As legions of drunks staggered through the convention centre on Saturday afternoon, they were presented with a contest that involved operating a power drill. If they could drill five holes in under 10 seconds, they won. We're not exactly sure what they won, because the one member of our group to try it took roughly 26 minutes. But since he escaped with both his hands intact, we'll declare him a winner anyway.

4.) Riders fans are really, really committed to this whole green thing. Walking into the Rogers Centre for Sunday's game, we were delayed slightly as security lifted the giant foam green helmet off the Saskatchewanian in front of us and inspected underneath. When he was greeted with a quizzical look, the security guy offered a reasonable explanation: "I already found weed under one of these earlier."

5.) Big and Rich own the Grey Cup. Who are Big and Rich, you ask? Those would be the guys responsible for the country hit "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)". For roughly 361 days per year, we manage to avoid this thing. But for some reason, it's absolutely inescapable at Grey Cup parties. We're firmly of the belief that this song should never be played in a room that doesn't have a mechanical bull (with or without Cody Pickett), but maybe it all makes sense if you're from the West.

6.) It's never too early for Steve Hayman to bring his A-game. As always at the Spirit of Edmonton Breakfast (which, as you can see, is really a goldmine for material), we were treated to an MC making assorted jokes that range from the corny to the slightly blue. For a guy trying to work a room full of drunks on a Saturday morning, he did a fair job. But he had nothing on the leader of the beloved Argonotes, who came equipped with a dizzying array of one-liners - among them a solid one about Saskatchewan poised to match the number of Grey Cups won by Sarnia and Queen's University, and...well, truthfully, we can't remember the others, on account of the nature of the event. But trust us, he was very funny. And we maintain that the Argonotes' cover of BTO's Ain't Seen Nothing Yet is genuinely more enjoyable than the original.

7.) A good pipe-metal band can save even the lamest party. After some great showings at past Grey Cups, this year's Schooner party - the one endearingly hosted by the folks who want a CFL team out east - was a bit of a disaster. Courtesy of slow and surly service provided by Convention Centre staff, plus overflow from Riderville, the entire room was basically just a lineup for the bar. But then along came the Mudmen, and all was right with the world. Either ten years behind its time or ten years ahead of it, this winning ensemble consists mostly of several bagpipers who look distinctly like bikers, fronted by a dude who appears to be channelling Fred Durst. Maybe it was just relief that they didn't do a take on "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)," but we can honestly say we enjoyed their hard-rocking, hard-piping set - especially when they closed with a rousing chant of "DRINK! FIGHT! DRINK! FIGHT!", which offered the fleeting hope that they were mere moments away from beating the hell out of the Convention Centre staff.

8.) So can cheerleaders for a non-existent team. Granted, it turned out they were just the Brock University cheerleaders in different outfits. But still, the presence of a Schooners cheerleadings squad - despite the pesky failure of the Schooners' to actually exist - sent an important message: It's possible to skip owning the team and go straight to the cheerleaders. If only someone had told Lonie Glieberman about this, we all could have been spared a lot of headaches.

9.) Don't mix your pipers and your cheerleaders. As you can see, large men playing bagpipes and small women in skimpy clothing are two of our favourite Grey Cup mainstays. But at Friday's Touchdown Manitoba party at the Hilton, disaster nearly struck. After the Blue Lightning had wrapped up a lengthy and very energetic set, a narrow passageway was formed through the crowd for them to make their exit single-file. But as they began to make use of it, the next performers - the Winnipeg police department's pipe band - began using the same passageway to advance toward the stage. Disaster nearly struck, before the cheerleaders frantically scampered out of the way before being steamrolled by the pipers.   

10.) If you're having a "hand show," we know the man for you. On Saturday afternoon, wandering around the Convention Centre, we received a very enticing text message. "Shoomy going on hand show with Ben Cahoon," it promised. "Come quick!" As disturbing as this sounded, we hurried over - only to discover that it wasn't quite as obscene as might have been expected. As it turned out, Boatmenblog contributor Shoomy was merely going on a game show with Ben Cahoon; the whole "hand" business was attributable to some well-refreshed texting by another member of our group. All the same, we were pleased to watch as Shoomy out-trash-talked two other contestants before a jury made up of Cahoon and Video on Trial regulars to take home a brand-new barbecue. So the story had a happy ending - if not quite the happy ending implied by the original message.   

Posted on Tuesday, November 27, 2007 at 12:33PM by Registered CommenterA-Rad in | Comments1 Comment

More distrubing than Momma's Family

With Kerry Joseph having done the expected and taken home the MOP award last night, we felt obliged to get to know him a little better. And so we found ourselves at his personal website, notable mostly for an "Ask KJ" section in which he appears to personally respond to every e-mail he receives.

Mostly, this means there is a lot - a lot - about God, along with tantalizing factoids like his close friendship with Yo Murphy (possibly giving us some competition in our ongoing quest to become the world's most recognized expert on Yo Murphy). But for sheer creepiness, nothing in the most recent edition beats what appears to be an application from someone named Shirley to become Kerry's surrogate mom:

"I am so proud of you. You know what I am saying. Your mom must be busting her buttons watching you. I am your mother's age with two sons who are athletic and I know how she must be feeling. I am a post-secodary educator who has two brown sons who always participated in sports. I am so sorry that your mom can not be here for you, but always know that I am. I would love to meet you. This can be on a neutral grounds. it is so imnportant that young people feel they have support. I just watched your latest game against the HTC and I said, there goes Kerry, he loves to score a touch down. Please if you wantyour mom to attend, know she has a safe plae to stay. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. I live in Reina. If you want to meet with my sons, Jo-Jo and Willie, call me. I would love for you to meet them and I also want your mom to feel secure in having a "safe" place to stay."

We don't mean to pick on Shirley, who's probably very well-intentioned. But we can sort of see why Kerry responds with a briskly diplomatic "My mom enjoys watching the games on TV,  I know she is behind me 100%" and moves on to the next question without even offering his customary blessing. As a general rule, we tend to avoid people who offer to meet on "neutral ground," unless we're supposed to be meeting them to sign a peace treaty.

Posted on Friday, November 23, 2007 at 11:26AM by Registered CommenterA-Rad in | CommentsPost a Comment

Grey Cup Moment - East Final Edition

OK, so despite the fact that the Argos failed to make it, we're very much looking forward to the festivities of Grey Cup week. But before we put the East final to bed, we have one last story to pass along.

After the game we were walking up John Street when two fans decided that they couldn't wait until they made it to their destination and started to relive themselves on the CBC building. Not too much notable there, Chris Walby probably does this every couple of weeks. However, just 20 feet away stood a gentlemen who was watching the scene unfold and shaking his head very slightly. His mouth slightly agape, his eyes projecting the look of a man who was watching the most horrific scene of his life play out...

So have a great time during Grey Cup week. Enjoy the city and the new friends you are sure to make.  Just don't take a piss on the CBC building.  Peter Mansbridge might not be able to handle it happening again. 

Posted on Thursday, November 22, 2007 at 11:45AM by Registered CommenterRusty in | CommentsPost a Comment

Things You Need to Know (special disgruntled edition)

As we try to get past Sunday's...unpleasantness and gear up for the Grey Cup festivities, we turn things over to the president of the Jerome Davis Fan Club for a suitably sombre edition of his semi-regular feature.


Thing #1: Those who actually managed to avoid watching the East Final might look back on Michael Bishop’s stats (370 yards passing, no interceptions and a touchdown run) and conclude maybe his performance wasn’t so bad. Those people need to know the cold, hard truth: He wasn’t just bad – he was awful.

Most perplexing (aside from the obvious play selection and abysmal execution) was that Bishop appeared to spend most of the game trying to pump himself up. Why was he jumping up and down in the huddle when it was obvious that what he needed to do was calm down, slow the game down, throw some short passes, move the chains and get better field position? The offence moved when he threw underneath and let his playmakers make plays – John Avery on screens, Arland Bruce on the huge catch and run. Somebody needs to explain this to Bishop before Rusty’s head explodes.

Thing #2: Some negative media attention notwithstanding, the fans - as opposed to, say, the offence - deserve some credit. The announced crowd was around 33,500, but it felt like a packed house. The Rogers centre was absolutely thunderous at times – which is all the more impressive considering how little the team actually gave its supporters to cheer about. Despite trailing by at least two quarters at all points after the first quarter, the Argo faithful continued to rally behind the team, feverishly doing all they could to light a spark under the Double Blue and bring about a momentum change that never happened. While the calls may have gone unanswered, they were certainly there.

Thing #3: Enough with the reports of fans chanting for Damon Allen, which only happened after they showed him on the sidelines on the Jumbotron. It was a classless move by whoever operates that thing. As bad as Bishop was, showing him up in the middle of the game certainly wasn’t going to help.

Thing #4: Those got out of their seats at halftime missed the riveting half time performance of... the St Michaels College Drum Line??? Did someone forget to tell the organizers that this was the East Division Final, or did we just blow all our entertainment money on Lenny Kravitz?

My suggestion: Why not follow up Mrs. Pinball Clemons wonderful national anthem performance with a further preview of the Grey Cup “Gospel Explosion”? Personally, I'd have settled for a minor gospel eruption or even a premature gospel…well, you can see where I'm going for this. But honestly, the gospel explosion is a good cause and some kind or Grey Cup linked half-time show would have been more appropriate than a bunch of disinterested looking high school kids. Then again, if they watched the first half, perhaps we shouldn't be holding the "disinterested" part against them.

Posted on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 12:01AM by Registered CommenterA-Rad | Comments1 Comment

Pinball East Final Pick

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Bombers by himself. Making matters more complicated, Pinball finds himself at the start of the Santa Claus parade moments before kickoff.  How does Pinball do?*

The Bombers score two quick touchdowns before Pinball gets to the stadium but Troy Westwood misses both converts. After arriving, Pinball destroys the Bombers even after stopping to pose for a photo with every youngster at the parade. After the game, Pinball then walks next door to the ACC and scores thirty points for the Raptors in overtime.  The final tally: Pinball 498 Bombers 12 - 1,843 candy canes dispensed.

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches.

Posted on Sunday, November 18, 2007 at 10:07AM by Registered CommenterRusty in | CommentsPost a Comment

He's the gift that keeps on giving

OTTAWA - The Ministry of Defence announced today that it has commissioned four new submarines to be made of Edmonton Eskimos coach Danny Maciocia. Explained a Ministry official "we wanted to use Maciocia because he destroys absolutely everything in his path. Also, he appears to be completely indestructible meaning that even the most novice sailor could destroy everything in sight with no potential repercussions to the vessel."  The subs are expected to be ready for 2010.


Posted on Sunday, November 18, 2007 at 10:02AM by Registered CommenterRusty in , | CommentsPost a Comment

How we spent our Sunday (Part Deux)

5:21 - The Riders have taken the field in their throwback jerseys, presumably in tribute to the last time they hosted a playoff game.

5:23 - With their first play from scrimmage, the Riders score a 62-yard touchdown. And the entire province of Saskatchewan just exploded.

5:27 - After the Stamps fumble on their first possession, Tom Higgins is seen scribbling frantically on a piece of paper. We can only assume it’s a job application.

5:30 - Someone named Ken Lazaruk is refereeing this game. The CBC claims he’s been doing this for 31 years, and we’re pretty sure we’ve never seen him before. What have they done with Andre Proulx?

5:33 - Wait, Duncan O’Mahoney is the Stamps punter. Who knew? We’re pretty sure we made fun of him sometime earlier, but honestly that’s starting to seem like a lifetime ago. All that brisket makes it hard to think.

5:51 - Channeling Timmy Chang, Henry Burris gets picked off in the end zone. Actually, we take that back. Timmy probably wouldn’t have gotten them over half.

5:52 - Speaking of the Ticats, Corey Holmes goes for a big gain. Is Marcel Desjardins getting part of the Riders playoff share?

5:55 - D.J. Flick’s player profile from the CBC shows him plugging his ears. Apparently the air pressure in the studio is wildly unpredictable

6:05 - Something really needs to be done about commentators referring to passes as "balls." The latest offender is Chris Walby, who informs us that the wind will really make your balls sail.

6:06 - At what point does Wendy’s release how many angioplasties (the official operation of the CFL) have been caused by the Baconator (the official hamburger of the CFL) has caused?

6:07 - Speaking of angioplasties… 2 pounds of brisket left

6:10 - The Riders have marched from the 1-yard-line to midfield. Maybe firing the defensive co-ordinator late in the season wasn’t quite as brilliant as it seemed at the time.

6:26 - The Riders successfull pull off a fake field goal, catching the Stamps off-guard. Who knew fake field goals could be used outside blowouts?

6:29 - With a brilliant interception and a lateral, the Stamps take it all the way to the house and make a game of it. Only one problem: no touchdown celebration. Couldn’t they have pretended to be driving a combine?

6:37 - After he gets a 20-yard gain, Walby informs us that the Stamps forgot about FB Neil Hughes. We have it on good authority that they also forgot about Dre.

6:44 - Duncan O’Mahony shanks a punt with the wind at his back. Over/under on O’Mahony’s average punt… 20.5

6:46 - Thank goodness that the Mark’s Work Warehouse ads on the sidelines are also in French. Jean-Luc from Moose Jaw is finally appeased.

6:48 - It’s only a 12-point game, but it really doesn’t feel like the Stamps have been in this at all. You get the impression that Gainer could go for 50 yards on the Stamps D right about now. At the half, it’s 19-7.

7:03 - Apparently the Stamps ran Joffrey Reynolds once. Not only is Kent Austin doing a good job coaching the Riders; he somehow tricked Calgary into adopting his 2006 offensive strategy. All they need is Ricky Williams to go in and do some blocking.

7:08 - A pass from Henry Burris knocks Brett Ralph pathetically to the turf, prompting Mark Lee to say he “went down like he was shot.” When Mark Lee is scoring off you, you’ve got problems.

7:11 - Henry Burris finds Ken-yon Rambo deep for Calgary’s first offensive touchdown. Ken-Yon kind of sounds like a crappy Ford SUV, doesn’t it? (You thought we were going to make a Rambo joke, didn’t you? Well, so did we. But then we realized that between us, none of the three people in the room has ever actually watched a Rambo movie.)

7:26 - Luca Congi hits his fifth field goal of the game, making it 22-14. This is turning into a replay of last year’s kick-happy Grey Cup. Whither Nelly (and Saukrates)?

7:35 - The Stamps block a punt, bringing back horrible, horrible memories of the completely unwatchable 2001 Grey Cup.

7:36 - Mark Lee describes Burris as “strung out,” which might explain why his eyes have looked so red all game.

7:38 - This game is worth watching for the Tom Higgins shots alone. After the Stamps are forced to settle for a field goal, he has the distinct look of a man whose ass cheeks have been frozen shut.

7:48 - Ken Lazorek has left the game, forcing Murray Clarke to take over as head referee. This was supposedly prompted by an injury, but we’re pretty sure the CFL just figured out that Lazorek was just some guy off the street with a fake CV.

7:51 - Lazorek is back. So basically, he needed a bathroom break.

7:57 - Cutting to a commercial, the CBC shows a homemade sign announcing it’s “Grey Cup or bust,” accompanied by a helpful drawing of breasts in a green bra. This would presumably qualify as porn if you live on the Prairies.

8:05 - After a horrible objectionable conduct call against Corey Holmes, an angry hedgehog has appeared on the sidelines, where he appears to be asking local police to arrest Lazorek (or at least bar him from using the bathroom again).

8:11 - Down by nine points with five minutes left, Rambo looks for a pass interference call and doesn’t get it. How’s this possible? He is the law! (We know, that’s from Judge Dredd, not Rambo. But we’ve actually seen Judge Dredd, for some reason.)

8:24 - Still down by nine, with 80 seconds left, the Stamps are slowly marching down the field with a bunch of eight-yard screen passes. Nice to see Burris is going with the Damon Allen method of improving your stat sheet.

8:25 - Burris hits a bomb to Rambo, then finds him in the end zone. We’re waiting for a shot of an ecstatic Estelle Gettyon the sidelines. (C’mon…Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot? Classic film. Classic.)

8:29 - Calgary has a successful onside kick called back over a mysterious offside penalty. Considering we didn’t see anyone actually go offside, we’re pretty sure this was just to prevent the entire province of Saskatchewan from sinking into the ground.

8:31 - And…we’re done. To cap things off, the CBC’s sideline reporter is set to interview Corey Holmes…and he’s promptly cut off as the broadcast ends. If you’re the reporter, do you pretend to interview Holmes anyway, just so he doesn’t feel bad?

Posted on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at 05:42PM by Registered CommenterA-Rad in | CommentsPost a Comment

How we spent our Sunday (I)

It's divisional semi-final day, and we’ve got a fridge full of beer, five pounds of brisket and a Jim Popp troll doll. It's time for roughly seven hours of football, in which he shall amuse ourselves in order to distract from the heartburn - and document it for when you have way, way too much time to kill at work.


1:31 – If you had thirty seconds in the “How long will it take before someone mentions that this could be Milt Stegall last game” pool, congratulations!

1:35 – Troy Westwood is going to be handling both the kicking and punting duties for the Bombers today. And somewhere, Duncan O’Mahony is excited that someone might make his '04 Grey Cup performance look good.

1:37 – A.J. Gass is on the CBC panel today. No word on if Greg Frers and Daved Benefield are wearing cups. But kudos to the CBC on finding someone who talks even more slowly than Sean Millington.

1:39 – Was it really necessary for the CBC to inform us that we are watching the “Chunky” pre game show while showing a shot of Brian Chiu?

1:52 - A tailgater is shown outside Canad Inns wearing a Labatt Lite t-shirt. Is Labatt Lite even available outside Winnipeg?

1:54 - How pissed off is Rob Hitchcock that Gass – who currently appears to have his hands down his pants – got the nod over him for this?

1:57 - Asked for his pick in the East Semi-Final, David Bennefield goes with NCAA 1-AA school Cal State-Northridge. Man, we’re gonna miss this CBC panel.

2:02 - We look forward to the inevitable Mark Spector column on how the 40,000-odd Torontonians who go to the East Final don’t care about the CFL as much as the handful of Winnipeggers who bothered to show up today.

2:04 - It’s gametime, which can only mean one thing: Mark Estelle and Ben Cahoon are jockeying for prime ass-warming position in front of the sideline heater.

2:05 - Sweet – it’s a Steve Armitage game. To start things off, he can’t remember the name of Jarrett Payton’s father. (And no, it’s not Elfrid Payton.) If Jerome was the son of a legendary diver, Armitage totally would’ve nailed that.

2:09 - Nice opening return by Bashir Levingston, who the Als apparently wanted to bring in for weeks before they finally got him. Presumably he had to give two weeks notice at Rona.

2:16 - After a Stegall touchdown on Winnipeg’s first drive, we’re thinking the Als’ main role in this game may be to try to injure some Bombers before next week. Where’s Ed Philion when we need him?

2:26 - After a short pickup, Milt Stegall is smothered by Cox. (Sorry…we couldn’t resist.)

2:28 - A French sideline ad blows onto the field in the middle of a play. The Als are really pulling out all the stops here.

2:45 - Somewhere, Jack Todd’s head is about to explode. With third and goal from inside the one, the Als send out the field goal team. Then they take a timeout. Then Jim Popp stands there looking confused while Marcus Brady and Bryan Chiu debate whether to go for it. Then they do go for it, but instead of having Brady dive in they hand it backwards and get stuffed.

2:55 - After an amazing scramble and 40-yard pass to Matthew Deslauriers, it has to be said that Marcus Brady is playing pretty well. Except now they’re at the 1-yard line again.

2:58 - Touchdown Kerry Carter. And we actually have a game.

3:03 - In comes Troy Westwood to punt into a 50 KM/H wind. There’s a decent chance this one actually goes backward.

3:12 - In other news, the Buffalo Bills are currently late in the third quarter of a 3-2 barnburner with the Miami Dolphins. Where do we get our tickets for next year?

3:14 - Diamond Ferri gets his first tackle of the game. It’s nice to see a guy who wasn't afraid to give up his stripper name when he got a new job.

3:15 - Westwood hits a field goal to make it 10-7, disappointing those of us who were looking forward to seeing Doug Berry’s face if he missed.

3:18 - Kerry Watkins catches a 10-yard pass…and somehow takes off unimpeded for a 65-yard-touchdown. The Bombers’ defence looked almost Maciociaesque on that one.

3:23 - The Bombers sensibly concede a safety rather than have Westwood punt from the end zone…prompting Armitage to reveal that he thinks a safety is worth one point. At this point, the CBC might as well bring in Bob Cole to call this thing.

3:28 - The Bombers are booed off the field to end the half, although it would be louder if there was anyone there. Seriously, these people live in Winnipeg. They can’t handle a bit of wind?

3:29 - Jim Popp looks caught off guard when queried by Brenda Irving as to what he’ll say to the Als at halftime. We’re guessing that until she said that, he was planning to spend halftime smoking a joint in his hummer.

3:50 - CBC shows a shot of Kerry Watkins talking intently into a phone with the look of a man working hard to close a deal. Is Watkins really so poorly paid that he has to work as a telemarketer during games?

3:55 - Kudos to Jim Popp for showing his love for his distinct province by dressing like Bonhomme.

3:59 - After losing a crucial challenge, the Bombers take a 10-yard penalty and appear to be self-destructing. You don’t often see this sort of meltdown on the field without Adriano Belli being involved.

4:00 - Update: Four pounds of brisket to go.

4:01 - Marcus Brady appears to be hurt. Could every Argo fan’s dream be realized? Could they really be facing a team led by Mr. Big-Eared Fellow in the East final?

4:06 - Kevin Glenn gets picked off. Brian Ah-Yat, a Bomber nation turns its lonely eyes to you

4:07 - Is it possible that Jim Popp is actually a coaching genius who saved all his best plays for the playoffs? As we see him adjust his hair under his hat for about the twelfth time this game, we’re going to go with a no on that one.

4:09 - Kerry Watkins hates dropping the ball. You know what else he hates? Dropped cell phone calls. Which is why if you call him now, he’ll switch you over to Rogers, which has the fewest dropped calls in the country.

4:13 - Touchdown Charles Roberts. And this officially becomes the best game we’ve ever done one of these diaries for, not that that's saying much.

4:19 - Khari Jones now appears to be openly cheering for the Bombers.

4:29 - With the Als driving, Watkins is up to 157 receiving yards. And he’s sold three cell phone plans.

4:39 - Now there’s a lonely pom-pom flying across the field. If the wind also blew the cheerleader straight out of the stadium, that’s actually quite a haunting image.

4:41 - After Brady is picked off on his own side of the field, the Bombers have to settle for a field goal. Which means that even after the turnover, Marcus friggin’ Brady is still outplaying the East Division’s nominee for Most Outstanding Player.

4:47 - After another shot of Jim Popp’s ensemble, we’re starting to suspect the Als are winning because Don Matthews is hiding inside Popp’s clothes.

4:51 - With the wind at his back and a two-point deficit to overcome with 5:00 left, Westwood misses a 37-yard field goal. Oh, Little Hawk, why have the mighty spirits clipped your wings?

4:57 - Damon Duval shanks a punt with less than three minutes left. Time for Larry Smith’s daughter to complain to the commissioner that the wind is being mean to her husband.

5:05 - With the game on the line as the Als try to keep the ball on 3rd and 1, the CBC’s cameras pay tribute to the Blair Witch Project.

5:06 - Yet again, the Als get stuffed. Is Little Hawk about to make an encore appearance?

5:12 - Here he is, in what Armitage describes as a “fantasy ending”…and it’s good! Bombers win! The CBC had better hurry up and interview Jim Popp in his remaining three and a half minutes as coach.

5:14 - With the East Semifinal in the books, you’ll be pleased to know you’re only 50% of the way through reading this.

To be continued... 

Posted on Monday, November 12, 2007 at 03:26PM by Registered CommenterA-Rad in | CommentsPost a Comment

Good things come to those who wait

For most of us, it's good enough that the Argos have won seven in a row and nine of ten, claimed the top spot in the East, and ended the regular season with an offensive outburst that made Damien Cox look like a doofus. (Seriously, the game ended at 6pm - nobody thought to update his column for the cover of the following day's sports section?). But for one fan in particular, there's a special bonus.

Rare is the man who buys the jersey of a relatively obscure offensive lineman. Rarer still is the one who continues to wear said jersey for an entire season after the offensive lineman has left town. But game in and game out, our man Shoomy has carried on his solemn tribute to Jerome Davis - the "bald man with a beard" he first rhapsodized about last year.

Now, our hero is back. It's unclear if he'll actually be playing, or just doing all that "stomping around the sidelines" that Shoomy so admired back on that fateful Labour Day in Hamilton. But regardless, even those of us still wistfully wearing our Clifford Ivory jerseys have to acknowledge this is a happy ending worth celebrating. 

Posted on Monday, November 5, 2007 at 05:23PM by Registered CommenterA-Rad in | Comments2 Comments