It was a strange scene for a professional sporting event.  When Dom Dorsey came back to the bench after scoring a touchdown off of a punt return last week, Pinball picked him up and had him stand on the refreshment table facing the crowd so that he could receive a standing ovation.  I can't recall a coach ever hoisting a player a good three feet in the air before.

So what can we take away from this?  Well first, Pinball is obviously not an ordinary coach. We already knew that though. What's more impressive is that Pinball can control his power well enough that in a moment of joy he only picked Dom up three feet.  Let's face it, if he lost control Dorsey could have ended up in the 500 level.

Now with A-Rad picks delivered just before Friday night kickoff. A-Rad likes to make a grand entrance.

Rusty's Picks

BC at Winnipeg

Brendan Taman and Doug Berry basically kicked Troy Westwood out to the curb this week by deciding not to dress him a week after a game-winning field goal. Let's hope that they acted responsibly in disposing of Westwood so that they have a shot at the Bombers' "Recycler of the Game" award.   

Pick: BC

Edmonton at Toronto

Just curious... has there ever been a successful quarterback with the name Stefan?   

Pick: Toronto

Hamilton at Montreal

Als linebacker Timothy Strickland is out for the year, but before going he decided to give some incomprehensible quotes to Herb Zurkowsky about head coach Jim Popp.

"It hasn't been a smooth transition [from Matthews]. (Looks like he didn't like Popp too much - ed). I've embraced Popp (Oh thank God... they hugged it out) but there are different things I haven't seen. (Such as...?) There are things going on that I don't agree with. (Such as...?) Things just don't seem the same. (Like what... is Popp fondling Etienne Boulay's chest? Nothing? Well, that was useful)"

Pick: Hamilton

Saskatchewan at Calgary

Over on the Rider Rumblings blog, Darrell Davis noted that the Riders "consistently call their head coach 'Kent Austin.' Or, just as often, they called him 'Coach Austin.’' It’s rare for one of the Roughriders to refer to their head coach as 'Kent' or 'Austin.' On a team whose players used to call head coach Danny Barrett 'D.B.', this group has never, ever called their first-year head coach 'K.A.' or anything else remotely resembling a nickname. It sounds like they respect him."

There's actually an easier answer here.  When a man has a parking lot named after him, you never, ever give him a nickname. When you go to Disneyworld do you refer to Mickey Mouse as MM?  No, sir. You call him Mr. Mouse and go on your way. 

Pick: Saskatchewan

A-Rad's picks

BC at Winnipeg

There are few things that make me wish I lived in Winnipeg. But I have to admit, there's something appealing about a city in which entire outraged columns can be written about a punter controversy.

Pick: BC

Edmonton at Toronto

In response to whether he's been smoking something if he thinks the Esks can win without Ricky Ray, Danny Maciocia offered the following: "If anybody thinks we're smoking, then so be it. Hopefully, we can line up and smoke our opponents in the next few weeks."

I've obviously watched too many Kevin Smith movies.

Maciocia!   

Pick: Toronto

Hamilton at Montreal

This is almost too much to handle. In the latest Marty York column, our man cites...wait for it...Jack Todd.

Two Boatmenblog legends in one space? All we need now is for Frank D'Angelo to record a duet with Shake Severs, and my head will blow clean off my body.

Pick: Montreal

Saskatchewan at Calgary

With Smilin' Hank out, these are desperate times in Calgary. And as far as I'm concerned, there's only one man who can save the Stamps now. Danny Mac, step on up.

Admittedly, it's not going to be easy to lure him away from his new career in broadcasting, especially the pre-game buffets. (Although this being the CFL, I'm pretty sure that involves a bag of Cheetos, some warm Steelback and maybe some free Wendy's if it came with the sponsorship deal.) But so long as you accommodate his, um, special requirements, he won't be able to resist. Start with promising a golf cart to take him from the sidelines to the huddle, to prevent him from over-exerting himself jogging in. Hire a couple of extra offensive linemen so he never, ever has to scramble. And reward him with a beer for every first down, which he's allowed to carry with his non-throwing-hand during games.

Granted, that last one may detract slightly from his effectiveness. But I'm pretty sure he'll still be better than Akili Smith. 

Pick: Saskatchewan

Bonus:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Eskimos by himself. To level the odds and to mark Thanksgiving weekend, the Esks bring with them a giant (and pissed-off) turkey to chase Pinball around the field. How does Pinball do?*

Boatmenblog pick: Pinball 1,163, Eskimos and giant, pissed-off turkey 4. (After a quarter of chasing Pinball around, his feathered foe is so exhausted that it collapses in a heap. Up by more than 400 points and knowing the game is well in hand, Pinball takes some time out over the next three quarters to cook the entire crowd a delicious turkey dinner. This accounts for the slow-down in his scoring and Edmonton's ability to cut into his lead with both a field goal and a rouge. But the fans' only complaint is that the Esks didn't bring some giant yams (pissed-off or otherwise) to go with the giant turkey.)

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches. 

Rusty's Picks:

Toronto at Edmonton

So the Argos went out and signed Troy Davis this week. Yeah, I'm not quite sure why they did this either, although it's obviously nice to have him on board. At this stage the team now has the 2005 rushing leaders from Toronto (Avery), Montreal (Edwards) and Hamilton (Davis). Somewhere, Josh Ranek is getting very excited. 

Pick: Toronto

Montreal at Saskatchewan

We'll probably have to do a full post on this at some point, but earlier this week Eric Tillman was quoted as saying "Wally's response reminds me of Paris Hilton, who cannot believe that regulations actually apply to her. Well, Wally, they do. Paris found out and so will you." So if Buono is Paris Hilton and his supposed friend is out complaining about him in public, does that make Tillman Nicole Richie?

Pick: Saskatchewan

Hamilton at Winnipeg

It appears as though Little Hawk may once again be in danger of having his kicking duties snatched away from him (although in fairness on at least one of his misses this past week he had a horrible hold). Ed Tait is reporting that in addition to contemplating moving Rob Pikula back to kick and looking at various Americans, the team is also speaking with Mike Vanderjadgt and Mitch Berger.

Meanwhile, at a No Frills supermarket somewhere in Southern Ontario, Dan Giancola is waiting patiently by the phone.  There is no justice in this world.

Pick: Winnipeg

Calgary at BC

There seems to be an awful lot of concern in Calgary about the two week injury to Henry Burris and former real estate agent Akili Smith's rise to the #1 job. In any case, even if he fails to close the deal against the Lions, I'm sure he can recommend a number of good mortgage brokers. 

Pick: BC

A-Rad's Picks:

Toronto at Edmonton

To understand just how strongly Edmontonians feel about Danny Maciocia, you really have to read this article from The Gateway, the University of Alberta's student newspaper.

The article's premise is that a bunch of its writers were asked to put together "an entirely subjective list of the best coaches — any sport, any time. Most of the contributors stick to the plan, albeit with some curious choices. (Jacques Demers? Mike Nolan?!) But one writer, Ben Carter, can't help himself. Rather than writing about coaches he likes, he uses his entire space to explain how Maciocia is the exact opposite of the good coach he was supposed to name. And for massive bonus points, he wraps it up with a final paragraph that managed to compare Maciocia to the immortal Jeff Reinbold.

I know, I know...it's the University of Alberta's student newspaper. But it's still pretty awesome.

Maciocia! 

Pick: Toronto

Montreal at Saskatchewan

Now that the 'Riders are in full late-season implosion mode, complete with their general manager having a very impressive (though disappointingly toothpick-free) public freakout, a question: When some offensive lineman inevitably goes out and gets in a bar brawl, will we be hearing about the thuggish, irresponsible football culture Tillman-Austin have brought to Regina?

Too political? Sorry. To be honest, I'm trying to dance around the fact that I'm not sure I can honestly say I find Eric Tillman less attractive than Nicole Richie. 

Pick: Montreal

Hamilton at Winnipeg

You know you're in trouble when it's 10:30 on a Friday night, and the text message you send to your friend reads "Richie Williams is awesome." Especially if you're not from Hamilton. But you know what? I don't care. I'm taking out a membership in the Richie Williams Fan Club, assuming they can somehow fit one more in there.

Pick: Winnipeg

Calgary at BC

Much unrest in Calgary this week, understandably, about the injury to Henry Burris courtesy an ostensibly late hit by the Ticats' Zeke Moreno. I hate to see Calgarians down, even with their oil money and their big houses and their awesome galloping touchdown horse. So on behalf of Zeke, who apparently enjoys writing poetry in his spare time, allow me to offer some consolation in the form of a haiku:

Diving to the ground
Zeke and Destroy does just that
Hank smiles no longer

There, now don't you feel better? And really, is it possible to stay mad at a guy named "Zeke" anyway?

Pick: BC

Bonus:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Eskimos by himself. To level the odds the Eskimos import Zeke Moreno for the game to elbow-drop Pinball every time he's tackled. How does Pinball do?*

Boatmenblog pick: Pinball 3,613, Eskimos 0. (What a stupid plan. For starters, how many times is Pinball tackled? Two? Three, tops? And with Pinball's superhuman strength, Zeke's just going to bounce right off him anyway.)

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches. 

Given the actions over the course of the season of the BC Lions O-Linemen (specifically Rob Murphy, Jason Jimenez and Sherko Haji-Rasouli) we can see why the CFL would be a little concerned about its image.  However, we think that having offending Lions players read out the following statement before every down is a little much:

"The Canadian Football League and the BC Lions Football Club are in no way responsible for the acts that we may commit or think about committing before, during and after the whistle. Any personal items that may be lost, damaged or launched in the course of our encounter are not the responsibilities of the aforementioned parties and you will not be entitled to reimbursement, repair or having one of our teammates retrieve your item from downfield.  Be aware that any form of football related behaviour be it tackling, calling out assignment, drinking Gatorade or pointing out women in the stands will be viewed as an act of disrespect and handled accordingly. Any attempts to rebroadcast or disseminate the accounts and descriptions of our actions are strictly prohibited and will be dealt with accordingly by the B.C. Lions offensive linemen." 

I'm sure that some of you have noticed that Canwest has its reporters writing blogs about the various CFL teams.  As far as I can tell this is going on for the Lions, Stamps, Esks, Riders and Als.  So why are there no Argos/Cats blogs? You can't tell me that Sean Fitz-Gerald and Matthew Sekeres are that busy. What gives?

(A-Rad is indisposed, but has promised to come up with something or other of at least minor value over the weekend.)

Rusty's Picks:

Calgary at Hamilton

Was it really only last year when the Stamps went into Hamilton and lost to Ron Lancaster and the Cats? That seems like a while ago. Anyway, you have to think that the Cats have the advantage this year given how pumped up they'll be now that they all have their own copies of the Danny Mac picture book. Let's just hope it's not a pop-up book.

Pick: Calgary

B.C. at Saskatchewan

I'm guessing that the Lions haven't fully implemented their "Be A Fan, Not A Fool" program. Good thing for Rob Murphy that it's on the back burner. 

Pick: Saskatchewan

Edmonton at Montreal

The Eskimos signed Tim Cheatwood earlier this week and despite the fact that he played for the Als last year, he won't be giving up any of Montreal's secrets. Or at least that's what he's telling reporters. ""I'm one of those guys who wouldn't say anything too revealing. It's just ethics. That's the way it is."  Luckily though, spitting at opposing offensive linemen... completely in bounds. He's just trying to help them wash up. 

Pick: Edmonton

Winnipeg at Toronto

Signs that things aren't going well for your favourite team #273: You're happy at the end of the CFL Snap "Plays of the Week" segment because no highlights of the previous week's game were shown.  

To steal from a sign at an Arizona Cardinals game... The winning streak starts on Sunday. 

Pick: Toronto

So as far as I can tell, with the signing of Cody Pickett the Argos QB depth chart is:

1. Mike Bishop

2. Rocky

3. Damon Allen

4. Cody Pickett

5. Mike McMahon

6. Eric Crouch

7. Tom Arth

8. Noel Prefontaine

9. Robert Kent

10. Peter Kent

11. You

12. Me

13. Kevin Feterik

We know the Argos don't have a home game this week, but indulge us a bit... Where the hell is the celebration car?  How do you lose a golf cart with a giant Argo helmet on it? 

Rusty's Picks:

Montreal at Edmonton:

During a moment of panic this week, Jim Popp signed QBs Sam Etcheverry, Mike Kerrigan, Marvin Graves and a spare refrigerator from his basement. The refrigerator was given an option for a second year.

Pick: Edmonton

Saskatchewan at Calgary:

If the Riders do the unthinkable and win the Grey Cup this year, will they expand the Kent Austin parking lot or name a tunnel after Eric "The Hedgehog" Tillman?  (Rider fans, consider yourself jinxed)

Pick: Calgary

Winnipeg at Hamilton:

Reasons why Richie Williams should start this week: 1) He's played well in relief the last two weeks and the 'Cats may as well see what they have. 2) He graduated from Appalachian State and everything they touch recently turns to gold. 3) You guessed it: His drunken fan club demands it.

Pick: Winnipeg

Toronto at BC:

So my sister has done the unthinkable and scheduled her wedding reception opposite this game. What is the etiquette here? Is a mini-tv acceptable? Help!

Pick: Toronto

A-Rad's Picks:

Montreal at Edmonton:

Danny Maciocia wants his players to take responsibility. Good call. And how better to do so than by following the coach's lead?

Step 1: While half the league's teams are missing their starting quarterbacks and/or running backs, blame injuries to a couple of your offensive linemen.

Step 2: Scapegoat a single player for all the team's ills.

Step 3: Absolve yourself of any (ahem) responsibility with quotes like the following: "It is not like we (the coaches) come in at halftime and take our stupid pills and then we take the field for the second half."

Maciocia!

Pick: Montreal

Saskatchewan at Calgary:

 

In case you don't think the Roughriders are inescapable in their province, here's a column comparing Roy Shivers to the Saskatchewan NDP. It's so obvious, I can't believe I didn't think of it.  

Pick: Calgary

Winnipeg at Hamilton:

I'm having a very hard time thinking of anything clever to say about the Ticats. But obviously not quite so tough a time as Perry Lefko, who came up with, uh, this. Although it does serve as yet another case (as if we needed another one) for bringing Scully back to end the Jason overkill. He was nothing if not distinctive...and not just for that really gross thing where he fired water out his ears.

Pick: Winnipeg

Toronto at BC:

According to Marty York's "sources," former TSN commentator Leif Pettersen is in line for the Argos' presidency. Last year, Marty had Glen Suitor as a candidate for commissioner. Look for Matt Dunigan to launch his bid for the Prime Minister's Office any day now. (This cries out for a Rod Black's balls joke, but I can't think of one. I must be more tired than I thought.)

Pick: Toronto

Bonus:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Lions by himself. Complicating matters is that Pinball is also expected to deliver a toast at Rusty's sister's wedding back in Toronto. How does Pinball do?*

Boatmenblog pick: Pinball 364, Lions 286. (Why such a close result? Always a little verbose, Pinball's two-and-a-half hour wedding speech, combined with hugging everyone attending, causes him to miss his flight - and in turn the entire first half. Luckily, Pinball against a full Lions team still scores at a faster rate than an entire Lions team against an empty field, so he reverses a 286-point half-time deficit with room to spare. )

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches. 

We were all set to join the Casey Printers sweepstakes by making him an offer to join us as a third writer, but then he went and signed with Hamilton. Um, Jason Maas? Looking for a new job? We're pretty sure you'll see more action with us than with the Als... 

Rusty's Picks:

Calgary at Edmonton:

I realize that this is like shooting fish in a barrel, but maybe Danny Macocia should have spent more time last week prepping the new defensive players and less time worrying about Sandro DeAngelis' field goal celebrations. Quite frankly I'm surprised that the Esks didn't try to pay the CBC to show Nick Nolte's masterful performance in 48 Hrs instead of the second half.

Pick: Calgary

Hamilton at Toronto:

At this point, I'm begining to think that even the Ticats themselves are starting to doubt that it's Hammer Time.

Pick: Toronto

BC at Montreal:

In what I'm guessing isn't a coincidence, all three of the Alouette players who maintain blogs on the team website commented on the time change as being a detriment to the team. For example, Etienne Boulay wrote "The game kicks off at 7:30 p.m. local time, but for our bodies, it's really 10:30 p.m. since Montreal is three hours ahead of Vancouver... But regardless of any of the built-in reasons or excuses to lose, we're ready to play. We've found our rhythm over the last few games and we're feeling the best we've felt all year."

Excuses for this week:

"Mesmerized by the movie Spice World"

"Being hassled by the Montreal police"

"Distracted by Jim Popp's Hummer"

(note: the last one only works if you are Jack Todd). 

Pick: BC

Saskatchewan at Winnipeg:

Kudos to the Bombers for trying to turn the Banjo Bowl into a mini Grey Cup with a weekend filled with events and activites. I was admitedly a little surprised by one of the events, though. Generally when I think football and Winnipeg, I don't immediately think "beach volleyball." (And yes, for the record I do immediately think of Jeff Reinebold). 

Pick: Winnipeg

A-Rad's Picks:

Calgary at Edmonton:

Sandro DeAngelis defended his slip-and-slide celebration after kicking the winning field goal against the Esks earlier in the season - the one that got Danny Maciocia's knickers in a knot - by invoking his heritage. Or, in his words, "I'm a crazy little Italian guy with a lot of passion."

For the record, if you're going to be a crazy little Italian guy with a lot of passion, there are worse ways to show it than celebrating a game-winning field goal. Like, say, running out on the field to celebrate your Grey Cup win without realizing that tge game isn't actually over yet.

Maciocia!

Pick: Calgary

Hamilton at Toronto:

Hey, it's a Kansas City Chiefs reunion! You've got your Pinball Clemons...your Casey Printers...your Mark Boerigter. If that bastard Bjorn Nittmo turns up to break our hearts with another last-minute 60-yard field goal, I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it. (Yes, I'm aware there are maybe a dozen people who remember the first time Nittmo did that - roughly the size of the crowd for the game in question between the Argos and the Shreveport Pirates. But that doesn't heal the emotional scar, and it never will.)

Pick: Toronto

BC at Montreal:

If you haven't seen the Jason Maas ad encouraging you not to play on train tracks...wow. Just, wow.

I mean, I thought the Pinball spot for the same cause was pretty much the peak of TV advertising, since it has a cheerful Pinball suddenly getting serious as he warns you not to get hit by a train, at one point covering his head with his hands in horror at the prospect. But the Maas one...I really can't do it justice, except to say that it involves rare footage of him hitting a Ticat receiver in the end zone, followed by him explaining that you have to see everything around you as a quarterback just like you have to see everything around you around a train track, followed by the image of Maas - apparently a cardboard cutout - getting hit from both sides by trains, and wobbling around the screen.

It's just awesome. But trouble is, with Mass now in Montreal, I'm worried it may go off the air - and really, I doubt this particular charity has the budget to reshoot it. So a special prize to anyone who can find an online clip of it, for posterity. (The special prize is likely a pass to the exclusive Boatmenblog Grey Cup party, which basically means if you turn up at my condo I might give you a beer.)

Pick: BC

Saskatchewan at Winnipeg:

To be honest, I'm kind of exhausted after writing that Montreal/BC "preview." So let me just say that if there's a more annoying or overplayed story this year than the genius of Kent Austin, I haven't seen it. The only saving grace is that we're about one more feel-good Austin story away from Roy Shivers returning to Regina with a box of toothpicks and a mind to use them.

Pick: Winnipeg

Bonus:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Ticats by himself. Since the Ticats have absolutely no chance, each of their players is replaced with Pinball's greatest nemesis: a train. How does Pinball do?*

Boatmenblog pick: Pinball 2,012, Trains 0. (Suckers. There's a reason why, unlike Jason Maas, Pinball doesn't get hit by trains in his commercial...they just can't catch him. Pinball is so deft at avoiding them, he has an even easier time than he would against the Ticats. Also, the trains really aren't very good at holding onto the ball.)**

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches. 

**= It's midseason, it's the second straight game against the Ticats and we're out of D'Angelo jokes. What do you want from us?
 

 

If the Argos had signed Casey Printers, is there any chance that Dave Feschuk wouldn't have used up his 800 words bitching about the team's unwillingness to stick with one plan, the gross injustice it had inflicted upon Michael Bishop and the mockery it had made of the CFL's salary cap?

As you were.

Let the record show that it is impossible to begrudge the Ticats for signing Casey Printers. It takes a lot to make us feel sorry for Hamiltonians, but our last few visits there have almost done it. We want them to look defeated after the game...not already be resigned to victory two hours before gametime, when they're still sitting on their front lawns and haven't even had a chance to put on their shirts yet.

Let the record also show that, however rusty he may be, Printers' timing is clearly impeccable. He's arriving just a little too late for this weekend, which means Timmy Chang gets to take his show on the road. Then, with the Argos done playing the Ticats for the season, the arrival of a competent quarterback means they might actually be able to play spoiler once or twice.

Finally, let the record show that guys named Timmy and Casey would totally get beaten up in Hamilton if they weren't professional football players.