Yup, we're doing this in two parts this week.  Lucky bastards. Time for a set of predictions made while pondering why the Argos haven’t resigned Patrick Johnson…

Toronto at Hamilton
There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and it appears as though this year’s version of the Ticats are going to demonstrate about 15 of those. 

Pick: Toronto

Calgary at Saskatchewan
It was the right call from the league to apologize for ejecting JoJuan Armour unnecessarily during last week’s game against the Riders. That being said, we here at boatmenblog are still waiting for the following apologies to be issued:

“We apologize to our loyal fans for allowing a serial entrepreneur with little discernable signing talent to perform at various games in previous seasons.” ~ The Toronto Argonauts

“We are very sorry that the considerable talent of Duane Ford is making you actually prefer games being called by Rod Black” ~ TSN
“We know that these look ridiculous, our apologies” ~ The Winnipeg Blue Bombers

Pick: Calgary - I'll get it right one of these weeks

Hamilton at Montreal

Finally!

We’ll admit it. We’re big fans of Richie Williams. (not big enough to be in his fan club, but close). Although it’s possible that we just have a thing for backup Ticats QBs – hell at one point I wrote a preview praising Kevin Eakin – Richie has always appeared to have to tools to excel at this level and it’ll be interesting to see how he does.

Further along the Cats backfield, Ken Peters had a post up the other day where he made an interesting case for Jesse Lumsden to bolt to Edmonton after this season. One to add to Ken’s list: between his time at Mac and as a Ticats, Jesse has probably already gone through all of the eligible women in Hamilton.

Pick: Montreal

BC at Edmonton

I’m guessing it’s because of the Nissan ad where they’ve dubbed Wally’s voice with a honking horn but at this point every time I see Buono talking on the sideline I imagine him sounding like the teacher from Charlie Brown. What does this mean for the game? Well, how many games did Charlie Brown’s team win?

Ah who am I kidding? Charlie Brown would still beat Maciocia.

Pick: BC

Winnipeg at Toronto

At this point it has become abundantly clear that Adriano Belli is determined to get a 15 yard penalty that leads to an opponent’s score in every game. So at this point, the only thing left to do is to lay down some money on how he figures out how to commit objectionable conduct this week. My guess, he takes a hot dog from a fan and throws it at the side judge. After all, he’s just really intense and besides, he was only trying to give away free meat. (As an aside, we do really like the Wiser ads with Belli being shown at the Argodome).

Pick: Toronto

Saskatchewan at Calgary

Why are there no child labour advocates picketing Riders’ games? Ignore the bio, there’s no way that Stu Foord is older than 15.

Pick: Calgary

Bonus Pick:
All of the Argos have been injured in practice leaving Pinball to play the Bombers by himself. Adding to the challenge is that the dastardly Bombers have been allowed to use actual planes during the game. How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: While the game is a defensive struggle in the first half – on account of Pinball not letting the Bombers land in the end zone – Pinball gets annoyed with the pace and destroys the planes using a combination of charisma and brute force. Then, of course, it’s all Pinball, all the time. Pinball 147 Bombers In Actual Bombers 0.

It's Friday night, and there's a rematch of the terrible 2006 Grey Cup. How could we not live blog it? Let the field goals begin!

First Quarter

0:55 Why isn’t Mark Estelle wearing a black arm band in honour of Estelle Getty? For shame.

1:42 Geroy Simon breaks the Lions’ all-time receiving mark, previously held by Jim "Dirty 30" Young. Dirty 30 appears on the sidelines, showing off the "dirty" physique Geroy can look forward to in 30 years. 

2:37 Chris Cuthbert tells us that the Lions have "come under pressure" from Diamond Ferri. Really, who hasn't?

2:58 Honestly, how is Coors Light still selling its product on the basis that it’s the coldest beer? How are people buying this?

3:45 Avon Cobourne breaks a huge run then gets knocked over when teammate Jamel Richardson tries too vigourosly to do a chest bump. We didn't think that sort of thing would happen with Etienne Boulay off the team.

5:06 Cobourne continues to chew through the Lions' defence. Maybe the Als should have tried running the ball in previous games.

5:35 Touchdown Als. This is shaping up to be a much better game than usual for these diaries. But Adrian McPherson, who just turned up for the 1-yard plunge, is really screwing up people who took Avon Cobourne in their pools.

5:35 Is it just us, or does Als' coach Mark Trestman looks suspiciously like Tom Higgins? Judge Doom lives!

5:45 We just noticed that "Dirty 30" has a name tag with his name on it. Apparently the Lions were out of sideline passes,or else he's going to some sort of singles' night after the game.

8:34 Cuthburt and Glen Suitor have used the term “self-scouting” three times so far this game. This is otherwise known as practice or watching film or coming up with a game plan. Self-scouting... well, it just sounds dirty.

10:45 Kerry Watkins is on the receiving end of a Calvillo touchdown toss after a highly dubious roughing-the-kicker call on a missed field goal – then slinks around the end zone doing the “Jump On It” dance while a pair of linemen stand around

12:20 Cuthbert tells us that with a blocked convert (!), Barron Miles tied Gerald Vaughn for “the record”. No word on what that record was. Trying to find something on Gerald Vaughn, the first Google hit is for an agricultural real estate agent in the UK. We’ll assume Miles has tied the record for most commissions in June. Congrats!

13:30 Tad Crawford on the tackle for the Lions. Nice that he could take time out from his day job of being an 80s movie villain.

2^nd Quarter:

0:00 Why does Cuthburt wear the headset so far forward? It’s more like a faceset! (Oh, snap!)

0:00 Suitor informs us that Montreal hired “a football man” in Trestman. Better than Jim Popp’s original choice of a stripper. (Possibly Diamond Ferri.)

0:33 Instead of showing us the play, we get an extended Geroy Simon graphic. At least we now know what Geroy looks like when talking on a cell phone.

0:38 Rufus Skillern on the catch. Sounds like a in character in a Rodney Dangerfield movie. Bet he’s a good diver.

1:28 After Mark Estelle breaks up a Paris Jackson catch, we’re informed that “it’s his birthday”. No mention of whose birthday it is. Come on, to whom do we send this delicious birthday cupcake? And when will Diamond Ferri burst out of a cake?

2:00 Sara Orlesky informs us that Joe Smith is known to be a man who “beats to his own drum”. At least now we know what he was doing in those weeks when he wasn’t attending the games.

4:02 We’re treated to another one of those “profiles” that features Anthony Calvillo pointing at things and tossing a ball around. Do they do these for non-QBs or star offensive players? Does Paul McCallum’s feature him shoveling manure from in front of his house?

12:00 There appears to be a drunk-looking pelican in a ferry boat in the end zone. It looks kind of like one of the Winnipeg mascots, so we can only assume he's moved out west. If you're his friend, stand by for insufferable phone calls telling you  how great Vancouver is.

12:58 Rufus Skillern drops a pass. He gets no respect. No respect at all.

13:21 In a fantastic interview clip, Joe Smith tells us the following: “Joe does things that make Joe happy. I’m not really trying to please other people. When I please myself I go out I know my assignments and do my job well. That’s pleasing myself. If it happens to please other people so be it.” OK, we’re just going to say it: Joe Smith obviously did not spend last week’s game gardening. He was clearly spending a lot of time “beating to his own drummer”.

13:25 Suitor points out that Joe really has to please his head coach. A disturbing peak inside the workings of the Lions - or, as we like to call it, "Wally Buono's casting couch.” (Yes, we’re 15 years old.)

Halftime

Jock Clime breaks the paramount “don’t mention Matt Dunigan’s coaching career" rule by asking how he handled injured players. Remember, much like the John Huard era, Matt’s coaching days never happened.

3^rd Quarter

0:00 We start the quarter with a 30-second shot of Wally Buono gazing downfield, winking, spitting and looking like he just smelled something bad. It's amazing how long 30 seconds can feel.

5:24 The Als very efficiently move down the field for another TD and a 24-6 lead. This was unexpected.

6:06 While talking about how the Lions DBs were praising Mark Estelle, Suitor exclaims “OK I’m gonna watch this guy on the corner.” Does that not kind of imply that despite the fact that he’s been in the league for at least three years, the #1 colour commentator in the league hasn’t really ever noticed that Estelle existed?

7:19 Murray Clarke goes under the hood to review a fumble. He’s been in there for about 5 minutes, leading to the obvious suspicion that he's watching some sort of porn in there. If Joe Smith joins him, we'll know for sure.

10:55 Joe Smith signs the football he just scored a TD with and throws it into the crowd. But he didn’t attend the last two Lions games, so he’s clearly a jerk.

14:48 Ian Smart takes a kickoff 92 yards for another Lions TD, and we’ve got a game. This is something of a rarity when we do these things.

4^th Quarter

3:00 Paris Jackson scores to take the lead for the Lions. Seems to us that the Als are great off the top running scripted plays, but have no idea each week how to adapt to other teams' adjustments.

3:43 Brian Bratton scores a long TD to reclaim the lead for the Als. Let that be the last time we attempt to offer something resembling serious analysis.

7:57 Chip Cox tries to bust through the Lions' line, but is Cox blocked by Angus Reid.

12:28 The two teams exchange interceptions as an entertaining game suddenly turns into the Timmy Chang Bowl.

13:36 The Lions bring out "the elephant team." Sharon, Lois and Bram are nowhere to be found.

14:15 In direct defiance of Suitor, BC has passed on almost every play on this last drive, as opposed to “running out the clock” (despite trailing).

14:24 With two consecutive penalties, the Lions appear to be beginning a Steven Page-esque self-destruction.

0:00 On a McCallum field goal, the Lions win. But wait - "Glen's Gladiator" is now just "the Friday Night Gladiator"? Having now lost both is mustache and his Gladiator, we have no idea how Glen Suitor goes on.

Calgary at Winnipeg
And so begins the curse of Westwood.  Oh sorry, I meant the curse of Little Hawk. 

Honestly, I don’t think that the Bombers have been as bad as their record would indicate at this point.  They’ve only really had the one game where they looked completely overmatched. That being said, I kind of understand benching the man who was the East nominee for MOP last year.  He’s thrown an interception on 6% of his passes.  That’s not just bad, that’s Mike McMahon territory.

Pick: Calgary

Edmonton at Hamilton
Seeing this game on the schedule last year would have made me repeatedly vomit.  This year, I’m merely indifferent. 

Progress!

Pick: Edmonton

Montreal at BC
How could they schedule one of these valuable Als-Lions rivalry games prior to Labour Day?  Is nothing sacred CFL?  Nothing!?!?!

Pick: BC

Toronto at Saskatchewan
The Argos announced last night that they have signed Todd Lowber, a receiver that had no football experience prior to signing with the Vikings last year. Lowber was apparently a slam dunk champion in high school. Basically, they’re hoping to find lightning in a bottle again like they did with Byron Parker.  Next up to be signed, former New Hampshire high school slam dunk champion, Matt Bonner.

Pick: Toronto

Bonus Pick:
All of the Argos have been injured in practice leaving Pinball to play the Riders by himself. Adding to the challenge is that the dastardly Ken Miller has developed a gigantism ray and has made all of the Riders 12 feet tall.  How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: Pinball easily manoeuvres through the legs of the giant Riders rapidly piling up points. Dejected with the result, Giant Scott Schultz and Giant Mike Abou-Mechrek break out of the stadium and terrorize the Saskatchewan countryside by eating all of the crops they could find. The price of wheat skyrockets on the lower supply causing a worldwide foot shortage and causes riots in major cities throughout Asia, Africa and South America.  Oh, and Pinball wins.  Pinball 147  Giant Riders 8

No, not the delightful pep band, but a collection of random thoughts from the win over the Eskies.

• Always nice to see Ricky Foggie get another win for the Argos (and for the record I still call the Ballad of Ricky Foggie for a CFL fantasy team). Foggie of course was the impetus for the Argos brain trust to take a look at James Robinson, and yes there's no way before the game that I would have guessed that the heroes would include James Robinson and Tyler Scott.  Tyler Freakin' Scott!
• If we had our way, every halftime show would be mascot football. Another good outing this year, even if the Raptor strikes us as the Ben Johnson of the group. There's a good chance that 10 years from now that he'll be promoting  some hair replacement system for the 2030 version of D'Angelo. Anyway, it's unfortunate that the Coffee Time Coffee Mug was unavailable this year. Scouts have called the potential to lob the ball up into the mug "enticing".
• It was a great idea by the Argos to have the players run out on to the field with their kids. It was a better idea to wait for Andre Rison to be off the team before doing this.
  

Winnipeg at BC
Anybody heard anything from the Blue Lightning recently?  Oh right… Those. (warning NSFW)

I think it’s safe to say we’ve gotten to the bottom of who was behind the topless tizzy in Regina in 06.

Pick: BC

Montreal at Saskatchewan
I think that I’ve probably counted out Anthony Calvillo at the start of every CFL season for the past 5 years., of course roving what we all already knew… I have no idea what I’m doing.  

The obvious comparison to Calvillo would be a horror movie villain like Jason or Freddy, but he used to play for the Posse, so it’s actually much worse than a fictional character. Basically he’s like the casino where you have an outstanding marker.  Every time you think they’re on the verge of giving up and going home they come back and you have to change your name and face again.  It’s tiring.  You never get to know anyone and despite what the books say constantly adding and removing tattoos to alter your appearance isn’t painless.  After awhile you run out of good ideas and end up getting a picture of Angelo Mosca on your arm, and try explaining that to the ladies…

Anyway, where was I?  Right, Calvillo.  He’s over the hill.  Take the Riders.

Pick: Saskatchewan

Edmonton at Toronto
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it.  Let’s hope the Argos defence didn’t drink until blacking out after last week’s game

Pick: Toronto

Bonus Pick:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice leaving Pinball to play the Eskimos himself.  But for some reason the Argos also go and sign Hugh Schmelfendorf, a regular guy off the street, and refuse to name a starter.  How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: Seriously?  Pinball goes berserk on the Eskimos and convinces Schmelfendorf to buy 1,000 Argo season tickets during the break.  Pinball 562  Eskimos 6

We figure enough time has passed that we can publish our National Post article without getting into too much trouble.  Once again thanks to the Post for publishing our ramblings.

 

CFL fans are part of the experience

Derek Russell,  National Post  Published: Friday, June 20, 2008

Real life is getting in the way a bit this week (even I admit that it's a poor excuse) so the rest of the previews should be up some time Friday morning.  In the meantime, we hope this will tide you over:

Hamilton at Calgary

Let's get this out of the way, the Cats were robbed last week. We're not really sure why that sort of play can't be called a rouge and hopefully this is something the league reviews in the offseason.  That being said, welcome to my 2003 East Final nightmare Hamilton.  Except, you know, less important.

Pick: Calgary

Honestly at the start of the day we just assumed that the "Mike Bishop on waivers" story would be the oddest CFL story of the day.  So imagine our surprise when Rod Black and  Duane Forde were joined by Don King in the booth during the Als-Stamps game.  Don freakin' King. To steal one of A-Rad's lines here, it seems like King would show up to the opening of a wound. So many things come to mind here:

• How the hell do Wetenhall and the splendiforous, whimsical, wonderflous wizard of pugilistic promotality krow each other?
• Was King there only to ensure that the quota of having someone who has committed a Class 1 felony involved in the game was filled? (The Als really miss Lawrence Phillips)
  
• What would Rod Black and King talk about off camera? 
  
• And what is going through the Pope's mind here?

Hamilton’s winning in Toronto… Edmonton is winning at all… MartyYork successfully called the Cito coming back thing… Start stocking up on canned food.

Calgary At Montreal

We here at boatmenblog are obviously known for two things, one of which is asking all of the tough questions. With that in mind… how the hell did Nik Lewis manage to participate in that bobsled touchdown celebration a few years back when he clearly doesn’t have a neck?

Pick: Montreal

Toronto at Edmonton

I’m a little surprised that we haven’t seen a number of articles on Prefontaine and Younger this week. Maybe they’re being saved for Thursday. It would admittedly be nice to have Younger back this week, if only because Wayne Shaw is not a suitable replacement for Willie Middlebrooks.

Also, good job by Adriano Belli getting kicked out of the game in the third quarter last week. The season hasn’t officially started until he’s done something stupid. Game on.

Pick: Toronto

BC at Winnipeg

No snaky comments here. Bob Ackles had a tremendous influence on the CFL and we are honoured to have been even tangentially associated with him through the football series run by the Post. Hopefully, he’ll be smiling and watching this one.

Pick: BC

Saskatchewan at Hamilton

I was admittedly a little stunned to see TJ Acree traded to the Riders but at least this means that I can continue to make vague references to the time he was shocked outside of a sushi restaurant in Vancouver. In any case, with the injury to DJ Flick this makes a lot of sense from the Riders perspective. What doesn’t make a lot of sense is that when I heard that Darien Durant was starting at QB for the Riders this week I was excited because it meant that we could run this photo of him getting Romero Miller’s leftovers again.

Pick: Hamilton (I can’t believe it either)

Bonus Pick:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Eskimos himself. But first decides to make a quick stop by the Calgary Stampede. How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: Pinball starts the day by heroically downing 132 pancakes and then cooking up enough to feed the Greater Calgary Area for 6 months. During the rodeo, he proceeds to ride a champion bull for over 20 minutes and then for show bucks the bull off of him. Oh, and he beats the Eskimos 418-13.

* Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early ‘90s SNL sketches.