We figure enough time has passed that we can publish our National Post article without getting into too much trouble.  Once again thanks to the Post for publishing our ramblings.

CFL fans are part of the experience

Derek Russell,  National Post  Published: Friday, June 20, 2008

If the Argos had signed Casey Printers, is there any chance that Dave Feschuk wouldn't have used up his 800 words bitching about the team's unwillingness to stick with one plan, the gross injustice it had inflicted upon Michael Bishop and the mockery it had made of the CFL's salary cap?

As you were.

As you may recall, or not, we went slightly postal on a couple of sports media columnists last month. Something about being "the least important people at their respective newspapers."

Now, we entirely stand by our rant about Bill Houston - especially now that his feud with Peewee Smith has reduced Peewee to writing articles with headlines like "Arlandzander the great." But Chris Zelkovich? We're feeling a lot better about him. And yes, it doesn't take much to appease us. A feel-good column about the CFL as we prepare to jump into the car and head for Montreal will suffice.

Some might suggest that, when facing a bit of criticism in one’s first season as a broadcaster, the best response is probably not to go ballistic. Those people would probably be right. But because of who - or, really, what - he's up against, we're fully behind Peewee Smith.

Peewee's new nemesis, the Globe's Bill Houston, belongs to a small and rather privileged group - consisting, at least in this market, of him and the Star's Chris Zelkovich. While employed by sports sections, these gentlemen don't generally go to live events, speak to athletes or dissect the games themselves. Instead, their entire jobs are to sit at home, watch sports and critique the coverage. (Hence Peewee's rather succinct point that "Bill never leaves his house.")

Now, we'll admit that's a pretty good gig - pretty much what millions of other sports fans do, except they get paid for it. And having spent a few nights watching games and taking notes ourselves, we can attest these things are rife with fun material. But here's the weird part: Both Houston and Zelkovich appear to think that what they're doing is actually serious work.

Actually, serious might be too mild a word. With near religious fervour, our couch-potatoes-in-chief jealously defend the honour of televised sports - a medium, we'll remind you, that includes Chris Berman. In  Zelkovich's case, this mostly manifests itself in a bizarre obsession with commentators' grammar, as though Chris Walby's syntax threatens not only the entire sport of football, but civilization itself. Houston, meanwhile, is obsessed with ethical dilemmas such as Peewee's, which rank somewhere just below the demise of the Toronto Phantoms on most sports fans' list of concerns.

We don't mean to burst anyone's bubble here. But these guys are quite possibly the least important people at their respective newspapers. None of the stuff they're covering actually matters, beyond the degree to which it entertains us. And frankly, Houston's feud with Peewee is the first time we can remember him entertaining us at all.

A few random notes in honour of, um, it being Wednesday...

• Over the last number of years we've read countless complaints - usually made by fans (some of whom are also journalists) of teams from the West Division - that the league or the media are giving teams from the East preferential treatment.  We're not here to debate whether or not that's correct (note: it's not), but we would like to offer a compromise:  Next year, we'll give you guys the "advantage" if you'll allow us to enter the shamefully exclusive Safeway Touchdown to Win.  Deal?

• Bravo to the Argos for running a story on their official site that basically could have been boiled down to 7 words:  Nick Lachey wants to "romance" Argos' Cheerleaders. 
  

• We'll no doubt have more to say on this as the season goes on, but kudos to TSN and the CFL for the Top 50 Players program.  It looks like they've put together a great list of 185 candidates.  That being said, we were a little hurt that Boatmen Blog wasn't approached to be a judge for this event.  Our invite must have gotten lost in the mail.  That's okay, though -   some of the best and brightest writers and broadcasters aren't on the list either, so it must have been difficult to make the ch....  Wait a minute. Steve Simmons is on this panel?  The guy who wrote an article before the 2004 Grey Cup saying that it would be better for the Argos if they lost the game?  That guy?....  You're dead to us, TSN.

• In case you're wondering, our vote would (obviously) go to Pinball.... We'll let you have the other 184, who we all know Pinball could beat playing by himself, even if he was injected with a flu virus by Wally Buono, shrunken by Don Matthews or forced to listen to Frank D'Angelo music the entire game.
  

We were so busy yesterday trying to remember all nine Ticats turnovers on Monday, we almost missed a fairly entertaining freak-out by one of Hamilton's favourite sons.

Nobody makes sports seem like less fun than the Star's Damien Cox. Usually, his moaning (ownership is cheap, coaches are mean, players are stupid, fans are even stupider, etc.) is confined to the Leafs. But being a native of Steeltown (a "notable Hamiltonian," even, according to Wikipedia), he occasionally ventures down the QEW to see how the Ticats are doing. And this time, Damien did not like what he saw.

We can hardly blame him, even if most columnists for a Toronto newspaper would have been a little more interested in Damon Allen breaking the pro football passing record. But we would have expected a slightly more mature reaction from a professional sportswriter than calling for the head of an owner who saved the team from folding three years ago.

Understand that the Ticats aren't just bad; they're part of some dark conspiracy to rob simple-minded Hamiltonians of their hard-earned cash. Or, as Damien put it: 

"There has been a terrible betrayal here, folks. Hamilton football fans, understanding the precarious future of their team at the time, responded to Bob Young's golly gee ownership approach by filling the stands, and in return have been force-fed an organization of near complete ineptitude."

What's that, you say? Young just owned up to his mistakes and hired a good football man in Marcel Desjardins, who's been honing his craft at the league's most consistently successful franchise for the last four seasons? Not good enough, says Damien:

"The hiring of Marcel Desjardins, yet another rookie, to take over the football operation last week sure didn't provide an overwhelming sense that the Tiger-Cats have turned the corner. Desjardins might be the guy. But there's no record there to make that a certainty."

Ah, yes. Certainty. That's what makes sports fun, isn't it? But maybe wins wouldn't be enough to satisfy Damien anyway. Because what really has him outraged is the Ticats' lack of fashion sense:

"The Hamilton owner, a local lad, promised prosperity and instead delivered a joke of an organization and a set of Labour Day uniforms for the 2006 "classic" that were an insult to the traditions of the franchise.

"The Cats in all-white uniforms with white helmets? As bad as, or perhaps worse than, the baby blue outfits the Argos once trotted out in the late 1970s."

The nerve of some people - having the players wear different helmets for a game, then selling them (autographed) to raise money for a children's literacy charity. But if Damien really thinks this is a firing offence, he's missing the point anyway.

Young may not have done a great job with the football operations. But if he hadn't stepped in, the team wouldn't exist. And since he bought it, he's opened up his wallet not only on the personnel side (however unsuccessfully), but also to dramatically improve the Ticats' marketing, community presence and in-game experience.

We'd suggest that, to appreciate that last one, Damien buy a ticket sometime and sit in the stands instead of the press box. But then, the last time he tried that - detailed in a column that mercifully (for his sake) doesn't seem to be online any more - he was so terrified by the great unwashed that he vowed not to come back again. We're sure that absolutely breaks the hearts of Hamiltonians.