So I'm pretty sure that A-Rad has taken off for a well deserved trip to Europe, so unless he's planning on updating this post from over there, I think you're stuck with just me this week.  Also to our European based readers, if you see a man in a Clifford Ivory jersey desperately trying to find a TV on Thursday night, please try to at least humour him.

Rusty's Picks

Toronto at Montreal

I don't get this at all.  I've sent letters.  I've written e-mails.  I staged a silent protest for two weeks outside of their headquarters.  Why won't CBC just relent and finally air the movie The Ballad of Ricky Foggie?

 Pick: Toronto

Saskatchewan at BC

While these two seemingly play every week, at least there's something controversial or entertaining about each of the games.  In the last three years we've had the manure incident, Wally deciding to play for a rouge in an overtime game, and Fred Perry possibly ending Dave Dickenson's career.  What can we expect this week?  I'm going to go with something involving Riders' fan "The Flame" and the BC Place roof.  That thing hasn't taken enough abuse this year.

Pick: BC

Winnipeg at Hamilton

Here's what I don't get about Doug Brown venting about the cold showers in the Ivor Wynne Stadium visitors locker room... If you go directly to Bob Young, he might actually do something about it, whereas if you complain in a public forum... well let's just say that Hamilton fans are the most likely fans in the league to actually provide him with a warm shower.

Pick: Winnipeg

Calgary at Edmonton

Probably not the best game in Edmonton history last week.  But look on the bright side Eskimos' fans as long as this week's game is all about clichés and believing, then this one is a lock.  Keep in mind, these are all quotes from Eskimos personnel in one article by the Sun's Jonathan Huntington:

"Gotta Believe To Achieve" (at least it makes more sense than the title of D'Angelo's album)

"Get mind right. Flush the weekend. Get better as a group today."

"It is called believing in one another and having faith in the guy you are going to line up next to."

"If you lose, don't lose the lesson"

You know, I'm just going to stop, there's about 50 more of these things. Anything about putting in new schemes or trying new personnel?  OK, good luck then.

Pick: Edmonton (if they lose, I won't lose the lesson)

Bonus Pick:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Als by himself and Jim Popp has concocted a dastardly plan to weave his long luxurious hair into a wall that blocks the end zone. How does Pinball do?*

Boatmenblog pick: Pinball 744, Als 0. (While Pinball admitedly is mesmerized by the hair for a brief period of time, we regains his senses and speeds through the wall with enough force to set it ablaze. The resulting smell of singed hair hovers over Montreal for the following eight years.)

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches. 

It’s Saturday night, we’re gathered at Rusty’s sparkling new digs and we’re feeling optimistic. We’ve picked a decent enough matchup that this might become our first-ever diary of a halfway watchable game. And if not, it’s the first time we’ve done a CBC game, which should offer some fresh material. On the downside, if things get boring we won’t be able to fall back on jokes about Rod Black’s balls...or will we?

***

7:01 PM - Our broadcast team is…Steve Armitage and Khari Jones? Seriously? With only a few games left until CBC gives up its CFL broadcast rights, we’re pretty sure they’ve just given up.

7:03 - Khari is having all kinds of trouble reading through his game notes. But on the topic of holding onto the football, he does manage to tell us that Henry Burris has to “cuddle his baby.”

7:06 - We like Khari. But we’re still pretty sure he hasn’t actually uttered a complete sentence without stumbling halfway through. By the end of this game, Chris Zelkovich’s head is going to explode.

7:11 - At linebacker for the Stamps tonight, a rooster.

7:16 - Javier Glatt drops what should have been an easy interception. This guy really needs to get his head in the game and off delicious, delicious Subway turkey and ham sandwiches.

7:19 - Rob Murphy takes a 15-yard penalty, prompting an uncharacteristically concise assessment from Khari: “I don’t think he feels comfortable until he gets his first 15-yarder of the night.” So basically, he’s the offensive equivalent of Mike O’Shea.

7:23 - With nothing much having happened so far in the game, Armitage gets exuberant over a “goooooooood punt.” Usually he doesn’t get that excited unless there’s no splash off a 720-backwards pipe from the 10 foot tower.” (Yeah, we have no idea what that means either. It’s a diving joke, okay? Armitage calls a lot of diving. So that’s why it’s funny.)

7:26 - B.C. gets a safety courtesy the beloved “dancing punter.”

7:27 - So far in this commercial break, we’ve had ads for Crystal Light and Philadelphia Light Cream Cheese. CBC really knows its audience.

7:30 - Even though Buck Pierce shows no signs of coming out of the game, sideline reporter Brenda Irving informs us that Jurious Jackson is wearing his helmet and warming up on the sidelines. So now we know who Damon Allen has been mentoring.

7:32 - Anyone who turned on the TV just as CBC cut to shots of a grinning Buck Pierce folding his arms to throbbing techno beats would have thought they’d tuned into the opening of a gay porn flick.

7:35 - After a B.C. field goal, Armitage introduces us to the “third member” of the broadcast team, the lamentable Greg Frers. This must make Brenda Irving feel especially good.

7:41 - Pierce is incomplete to Geroy Simon. Cholesterol on the coverage.

7:42 - A Stamps interception is called back on a pass interference flag thrown roughly 18 minutes after the catch.

7:43 - A potential touchdown pass goes off the fingertips of Jason Clermont, prompting Armitage to call him out. And so continues the greatest personal feud in Canadian football, still burning nearly three years after Armitage’s infamous “So, is this what you always dreamed of” question after the Lions lost the Grey Cup in ’04.

7:45 - At the end of the first quarter, it’s 5-0 Lions. The Stamps have 14 yards of offence. Sweet Jesus, it’s happening again.

7:47 - Paul McCallum makes it 8-0.

7:51 - Armitage just referred to Nik Lewis as “the out man.” Nik Lewis is not going to like that.

7:52 - A Burris pump fake doesn’t fool the Lions, but it does confuse CBC’s camera guy.

7:53 - The Stamps are on the board, courtesy a field goal. By game diay standards, this now officially qualifies as a shootout.

7:56 - Khari Jones lauds Buck Pierce’s ability to “make it happen” when he “sees a hole.” Please direct your attention to our entry at 7:32.

8:02 - Cedric Williams dives to knock down what would have been a B.C. touchdown. It’s a great play, but sadly Armitage clearly has no idea what Williams' first name is.

8:05 - The Lions, already in Grey Cup form, get another field goal.

8:08 - Armitage gets so excited about a Burris play, we’re pretty sure Hank’s on pace to break the record for the 1,500-metre breaststroke. (Armitage also calls a lot of swimming.)

8:13 - We’ve reached the 3-minute warning. Will we see a touchdown this half?

8:17 - Someone named Rob Cote takes it home for the Stamps. We have no idea who that is, but we’d like to thank him for doing something.

8:25 - In a transparent attempt to promote CBC’s Wind at My Back, Armitage tells us that the wind is at Paul McCallum’s back.

8:26 - Oh no…Armitage is somehow talking about Posh Spice. This would only be more awkward if he followed up with a hearty “Yeah, I’d hit it.”

8:27 - Burris carelessly fumbles with a minute left in the half. Is that any way to cuddle your baby, Hank?

8:28 - Chad Mock catches a Pierce pass, then somehow ends the play on the sidelines with an electrical cord wrapped around his neck. So basically, he’s the Michael Hutchence of the CFL.

8:31 - Pierce is picked off. Presumably Jarious Jackson will now begin simulating entire plays on the sideline.

8:42 - We're at the half, after a missed Calgary field goal, and there’s really nothing for us to say about CBC’s halftime panel. It’s not good. It’s not bad. It’s just kind of there.

8:51 - At the start of the second half, Armitage informs us Buck Pierce has gone back to the locker room. Time for some fluffing?

8:57 - Another botched Calgary field goal, this time when it's blocked. Apparently these guys are only adept at running fakes.

9:01 - Fresh into the game, Jarious Jackson finds Geroy Simon in the end zone. We smell controversy. Oh, wait. That’s just the lingering stench of Mike McMahon.

9:06 - This game would be so much better if there was a special Armitage Cam at the bottom of the screen. What can we say? We love the intensity.

9:12 - Korey Banks komes up with a krazy katch as he picks off Burris in the end zone. (Sorry...we're struggling for content here.)

9:14 - Armitage just described Joe Smith as “no ordinary Joe.” Were you sitting on that gem all game, Steve?

9:16 - No ordinary Joe busts out for a 38-yard touchdown run. 25-11 Lions.

9:19 - For the first time in history, a football play-by-play man just used the words “oopsie daisy.”

9:20 - We just spent a solid minute debating whether it’s “oopsie” or “oopsy.” Cast your votes now!

9:30 - Okay, this mysterious Celebrex ad is starting to freak us out. What the hell is Celebrex, and why do we need to talk to our doctor about it?

9:31 - Our research reveals that Celebrex is to relieve osteoarthritis. Good to see advertisers going for the key Damon Allen demographic.

9:40 - The three remaining healthy BC defenders are able to knock away a Burris pass, forcing the Stamps to try for the field goal. Hey, this might be a great place to try a fake. But no worries...it was totally worth burning it off last week.

9:43 - So after the Philadelphia light cream cheese and Crystal Light ads earlier, we now get a Jenny Craig ad starring Kirstie Alley. We know there are lots of middle-aged women tuning in to catch a glimpse of Wally Buono, but still, this is getting ridiculous.

9:44 - Running all over the place, Jarious Jackson is showing up the Stamps D-Line more than Frank D’Angelo shows up his hecklers.

9:46 - Switching over to A-Channel during the break, we see highlights from Jason Maas’ last game. Oh, wait... that’s just Footsteps Falco.

9:48 - Once again, Hank Burris fumbles fails to “cuddle his baby,” resulting in another costly fumble. For the rest of the week, Higgins is going to force him to walk around with a bag of flour.

9:53 - Touchdown Calgary. A close finish here would totally blow our minds.

9:53 - Calgary is down by five, so naturally they decline to go for two. Tom Higgins is not the master tactician we once thought he was.

9:57 - Jarious Jackson hasn’t looked as good the last couple of series. Is Buck Pierce sufficiently fluffed?

9:59 - Hank Burris is picked off by someone named Glover, who we hear is only a few days away from retirement. He nearly takes it to the end zone, but he’s getting too old for this shit.

10:01 - B.C. scores again, and so ends the dream of something exciting to tell you about.

10:04 - We enjoy that the scoreboard at McMahon Stadium notes the “Official Time” left in the game. This is to distinguish it from all of the unofficial time signs held up throughout the stadium.

10:08 - Out of nowhere, a very loud “AWWW SHIT!” comes over the broadcast. We're assuming Armitage is finally going postal, and that was someone trying to get out of the way.

10:14 - Why doesn’t Wally Buono buy himself some sunglasses? It seems like he spends a good portion of every road game shielding himself from the sun like a confused bear. (Note: Believe it or not, this is one game where we haven't been drinking. Maybe that's the problem.

10:18 - And so we end the game with a final score of B.C. 32, Calgary 27. Not a bad first CBC game for us, but we miss the familiarity of TSN. If we ever, ever refer to any part of Steve Armitage's anatomy, please contact our service provider forthwith and have this thing taken down.

Shame on you. Shame on all of you. This man sung his heart out for you last night. His version of O Canada? Splendiferous. His take on My Girl? Scrumtrilescent. His cover of the Monkeys? Better than life itself.

And as the Voice of God blessed our ears, what did you do?  You booed. You groaned. You likened him to "an Atlantic City lounge singer," as though that were a bad thing.

You don't deserve him. None of us do. All he wants to do is to entertain us. To quench our thirst with his meticulously crafted ale. To teach us important life lessons such as the need to believe in order to believe.

And still, we mock. Have you no taste? No decency? No desire to stay away from expensive litigation?

Shame.

***

Update: Let this be a lesson to all you haters out there. From the heavenly voice of the chiselled god of pulchritudinous power drinks himself:

"We played at the Beer Gardens (at the Grand Prix) and we packed it. It was like 7,000 people until 11 o'clock and we had to send them home. As I walking out these four (expletive) guys started yelling, 'You suck, man' and I yelled back, 'Not as bad as your life.'"

Is it fair that a man so blessed with superhuman talent should also possess such a rapier wit?

Rusty's Picks:

Montreal at Toronto:

OOOOooooHHhhhhh NnnnOOoooo!!! It's time for another Jack Todd column, and this one's a doozy. 

So to start, Jack makes the assertion that the U-20 FIFA final should have been held in Montreal and not Toronto and it appears that the thrust of his argument is that the Big O can hold more people the BMO Field. So really, he could have made the same argument put replaced "Big O" with Commonwealth Stadium, BC Place, Rogers Centre or any number of venues. Aside from that point, though, did it ever cross Mr. Todd's mind that maybe playing a game that will be seen worldwide in a 30-year-old decrepit stadium with the distinct possibility (before the tourney opened; I realize that Montreal drew well) that only a few thousand people would show up? 

He follows that by condemning the Toronto Police, since "the frustrated and emotional Chilean players merely wanted to mingle with their fans." Now, most columnists would at least mention the other side of the story. Jack Todd.... not so much. This line of argument would also seem to bolster his claim that Montreal should have gotten the game because athletes never have a problem with the Montreal Police. Right, Mark Estelle?

Anyway, on to the football portion of his column (sorry about the tangent). Todd describes Jim Popp as "a coach who thinks a big Hummer makes a man Vince Lombardi". A couple of things here. 1) couldn't he have used Marv Levy instead of Lombardi? and 2.) This is at least the third time that Todd has brought up Popp's car in the past month. Doing it that frequently means that he either thinks it's "edgy" (it's not) or funny (it's not). 

So how about a comment on how Popp could do better?  Should he be running the ball more, using more fly patterns, what? Jack?.....  Jack? 

Pick: Toronto

Hamilton at Winnipeg:

You may remember that earlier this year the Bombers' Doug Brown trashed the Ti-Cats organization for having subpar facilities for visiting teams. We had been looking forward to hearing about how the Bombers would be exacting revenge, but alas it was not meant to be. Surely they won't mess with visiting foreign dignataries. Cats, you have been saved once again by the presence of Sir James Delgardo.

Pick: Winnipeg

Edmonton at Saskatchewan:

Let's review.  We have an international incident involving athletes, the police and tasers and nobody interviews T.J. Acree about it?  Now you're just making him upset.

Pick: Saskatchewan

BC at Calgary

So it seems that Geroy Simon has been enlisted to help in the fight against cholesterol.  The star power of Wally Buono apparently wasn't cutting it anymore.  While it's a very worth message, I'm sure that BC fans would prefer it if he was instead trying to fight his way to the top of the receiving leaders.  Right now the leader board looks like this:

22. A. Fantuz  160 yards

23. Cholesterol 154 yards

24. G. Simon 145 yards

Pick: BC

A-Rad's Picks:

Montreal at Toronto:

After Rusty's Jack Todd rant, I should probably keep this short and sweet.

So let's just leave it at this. The Als have the son of Walter Payton. The Argos have the son of Larry Smith. I like our odds.  (For the record, I'd like them even better if instead of Brad Smith we had '80s Leaf Brad "Motor City Smitty" Smyth. But the fact that our guy once served as the Als' mascot does help.)  

Pick: Toronto

Hamilton at Winnipeg:

Ticats GM Marcel Desjardins' call for better referees is being interpreted as a complaint about calls against his team so far this season, but I'm thinking it's more of a pre-emptive strike. If the Ticats aren't watching them like hawks, officials might award Milt Stegall a touchdown on a five-yard mid-field screen pass just to put an end to our long national nightmare.

Pick: Winnipeg

Edmonton at Saskatchewan:

Apparently, Andy Fantuz is being demoted this week. This is terrible news if, assuming he was headed for superstardom, you invested in a load of Andy Fantuz bobbleheads.

In other news, there's this. Given the likelihood of Damon Allen coming in to relieve Mike McMahon this week, I kind of cringe when I see stories about CFL players beating up seniors.

Pick: Saskatchewan

BC at Calgary

Let me get this straight. Of all the things that could have motivated the Lions' Grey Cup run last year, it was a couple of Stamps receivers calling Geroy Simon's touchdown celebration "gay"?

That seems insane. But it's also got me a little worried that if this is the sort of thing that motivates football players, our last game diary's references to Anthony Calvillo's "fluttering balls" and what-not may prompt him to go nuts against the Argos.

Pick: Calgary

Bonus pick: 

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Als by himself. This being Steelback night, the desperate Als ply Pinball with cool, crisp, libel-free Steelback before the game in hope he'll be too drunk on Frank D'Angelo's delicious brew to compete. How does Pinball do?*

Boatmenblog pick: Pinball 1,462, Als 7. (The Als have clearly forgotten that Pinball is too devout to touch even a beer as scrumptious as Steelback, and their ploy fails miserably. Unfortunately, Steelback Night also comes with halftime entertainment from Frank D'Angelo - or, as we like to call him, "the voice of God" - which leaves Pinball so mesmerized that the Als manage to score a touchdown at the start of the second half as he calls in vain for an encore.)

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches. 

If you look up "bush league" in the dictionary, we're pretty sure you'll find this photo next to it.

Come on, Judge Doom. You're up by 23 points with four minutes left in the game, against a team that's playing without its starting quarterback or its top two receivers, after you've been humiliated in your previous two games...and you run a fake field goal?

We'd say something about karma coming back to bite Tom Higgins in the ass, but we seem to recall making a similar prediction last year about Wally Buono and karma apparently slept through November. So let's be a little more practical about this.

Suppose it's the fourth quarter of next week's game against the Lions, and you're down by five points with a few minutes left. It's third and long, and you line up for a field goal that would cut the lead. Instead, you run a fake, hoping to take the lead. Except due to a magical invention called "game film," the Lions are expecting it. So instead of razzle dazzle, you just get splattered. But hey...at least you showed that non-divisional rival who's boss, at least when said non-divisional rival is playing with its third-string quarterback and no receivers.

As a show of support for Mike Bishop, I'm typing this intro with a cast on my hand.

Rusty's Picks:

Winnipeg at Montreal

One of the odder things about writing this blog is seeing the Google search terms people use to get here. While we expect the usual terms like “cfl blog” or “Pinball Clemons” (and the assortment of people who are very disappointed when they search for “cheerleaders go wild”) by far the strangest way someone has arrived here in recent weeks is by searching for “Etienne Boulay naked”. Having this happen three times in two weeks probably cements Mr. Boulay as having the oddest fan base in the league.

In any case, to the man or woman who keeps looking for that, I suggest that you watch this week’s Als game where you are sure to see Milt Stegall undress Mr. Boulay many times. 

Pick: Winnipeg

Hamilton at BC

If life was like a sports movie, this would be the game where the obnoxious Lions led by bullies Rob Murphy and Jason Jimenez would pummel the hapless Tiger-Cats, only to see the Cats band together and make a remarkable run culminating in defeating BC in the Grey Cup. Unfortunately for Hamilton fans, life is not like a sports movie. Although on the plus side, they don’t have to deal with the comedic stylings of a WR played by Sinbad, so maybe that evens things out.

Pick: BC

Saskatchewan at Edmonton

It’s a good thing this game is being played outside the friendly confines of Taylor Field. Seems they had a bit of trouble there last week with a gentleman who ran out on to the field wearing only a cape. Now maybe I’m just getting older, but in my day guys that did that at least had the common courtesy to also wear a top hat and monocle. Let’s try and class things up a bit here, Saskatchewan.

Pick: Edmonton

Toronto at Calgary

With the Argos’ signing of Rocky Butler, it appears as though most of the cast of our hit film “Rocky VII: Showdown in Steeltown” are either retired or in Toronto. I’m going to guess that the former option is more likely in the future for Mr. Maas.

Pick: Toronto

A-Rad's Picks:

Winnipeg at Montreal

If the Bombers bring their mascots with them on the road - and really, every team should - there'd be a total of four giant birds on the sidelines. If it emerges that Jude St. John has been mysteriously absent from Argos' practices this week, I'd strongly recommend that Buzz, Boomer, Blitz and Touche all invest in bulletproof vests.

Pick: Winnipeg

Hamilton at BC

You have to love that the Lions are resorting to downplaying what a cakewalk this is going to be, insisting in their press release that it will "likely turn out closer than most would expect." This is how bad it's gotten for the Ticats...host teams are worried that they're going to turn off their fans by beating up on them too badly.

Then again, the Lions really have done a pretty good job of making themselves look less scary by choosing a field goal as the greatest play in team history. Unless the team in question is the Shreveport Pirates and the kicker is Bjorn Nittmo, that's just not cool.

Pick: Hamilton (I kid, I kid. B.C. But you have to admit, I'd look like a genius if the Ticats somehow won.) 

Saskatchewan at Edmonton

Apparently, Matt Dunigan has written a book. This has great, great potential, if for no other reason than the gambling prospects. Based on his TSN.ca column, I'm putting the over/under on the number of exclamation marks in the book at 46,318.

(Admittedly, this bit of insight could've gone with pretty much any of these previews, since I'm pretty sure Dunigan played for every team in the league. But for some reason, I especially remember him on the Eskies. Also, I couldn't think of anything else to say about this game.)

Pick: Saskatchewan

Toronto at Calgary

I'll admit, I'm not as excited as I could be about Mike McMahon starting a pile of games in Bishop's absence. But it could be worse; we could have the guy chosen first overall in McMahon's draft year. That would especially be a problem playing in a city that's home to Harvey the Hound.

Pick: Toronto

Bonus pick: 

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Stamps by himself. In an attempt to keep it close, the sneaky Stamps have convinced Toronto Mayor David Miller to tax Pinball $500 for every yard that he runs. How does Pinball do?*

Boatmenblog pick: Pinball 753, Stamps 17. (Learning of this plan early in the day, Pinball returns to Toronto, leads a successful coup at City Hall and is elected Toronto's new mayor by the end of the day. Unfortunately, he misses the entire first quarter en route back to Calgary; lucky for him, Henry Burris and Akili Smith somehow manage to throw three interceptions despite the lack of any defenders and the Stamps are forced to settle for two touchdowns and a field goal. Upon his return, Pinball scores 753 unanswered points - and looks damn fine in his mayoral sash doing it.)

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches. 

It's not the delightful pep band...it's the return of our semi-regular roundup of a few things that don't quite merit full entries. Confusing matters is that this edition actually does include a reference to the aforementioned pep band.

• Among the happiest developments this season has been the team's long overdue inclusion of our friends in the Argonotes in the official game presentation. Now perched on a platform in the end zone, these are clearly high-flying times for our man Steve Hayman and the gang. We have absolutely nothing bad to say about this, so we'll just point out that their version of Ain't Seem Nothing Yet is infinitely better than the original BTO version. Also, at the risk of offending the invariably gracious Argonotes, we'd like to politely request that Saskatchewan's pep band not be afforded similar status when the 'Riders are in town.
  
  
• Among the unhappiest developments this season? The inexplicable disappearance of the Argos' celebration car. Having taken a ride in it ourselves (okay, we sat stationary in it at Grey Cup '04 and drank beer), its absence is second only to the axing of the cheese race (more on that soon, again) on our list of grievances.
  
  
• We've been itching for quite a while to point out the appalling spectacle that is Gabriel Morency, the "Hardcore Sports Radio" host who periodically turns up on The Score. Since he usually talks about basketball, this would have exceeded our mandate and thus confused and possibly frightened our readers. But since he's now giving his weekly CFL picks, it's time.
  
  Catching his act on a local bar's big-screen before the last home game, a friend pointed out (folllowing the inevitable "this is the worst thing I've ever seen") that Morency appears to be The Score's answer to Poochie - the cartoon dog with "attitude" brought in to make the Itchy and Scratchy Show more edgy. As you can see, he does indeed bear considerable resemblance. But truth is, this guy's not even Poochie...he's Roy, the even lamer human version of Poochie who appears in the same episode.
  
  
• Let the record show that Jude St. John has killed a lot of birds. 

Somehow, Rusty is at 5-2 - putting him three games above .500 and two ahead of A-Rad. The over .500 mark won't last; the other will.

Rusty's Picks:

Calgary at Toronto

It's unfortunate that a lot of the focus this week has been on the two backup quarterbacks and not on the play of Mike Bishop last weekend. Given that this has the chance to really hurt the chemistry in the locker room, I think it's time for an unsubstantiated rumour to make the rounds to take the pressure off for a bit.

You didn't get this from us, but the Argos have found a loophole in the rules to allow Ricky to join the team after week 5.  Shhhhhh! 

Pick: Toronto

Edmonton at Winnipeg

Problem: Having moved to the East division, some of the rivalries the Bombers had with their old western foes are waning.

Solution: Have Edmonton sign Mike Pringle and use him on every goaline situation for the rest of the year to keep him ahead of Milt Stegall. Or George Reed. Whoever, really.

Pick: Winnipeg

BC at Saskatchewan

In what I can only assume is an attempt by the Regina Police to get more drunk and disorderly arrests at Taylor Field, the Riders have slashed the costs of "Thunder Mugs" to $2. These, of course, would be mugs that can be used as a megaphone after you're finished with your beverage, which is perfectly practical.

Yup, it's the best game of the week, and I'm writing about a product that shares its name with the slang term for a cup that's used as a toilet substitute on long road trips. Actually, given the number of Rider fans that drive long distances to the games, maybe this isn't as ridiculous an item as I thought. 

Pick: BC

Montreal at Hamilton

As part of the "Hammer Time" festivities at Ivor Wynne, linebacker Jojuan Armour ran out with a sledgehammer last Saturday and started pounding the turf during the introductions. We can all agree that we need more players running out on the field with props. But for this particular game, it might be more appropriate for both teams to run on to the field carrying newspapers to help deal with the bird and cat droppings. 

Pick: Montreal

A-Rad's's Picks:

Calgary at Toronto

According to Mike Bishop, he wasn't focused in his early years in Toronto because of "culture shock: You want to get out there and explore the city, you see lots of beautiful women."

Funny...that's exactly the same problem Jason Maas has had in Hamilton.

Pick: Toronto

Edmonton at Winnipeg

The bad news for Little Hawk? He seems to be on the verge of being done as the Bombers' kicker. The good news? He'll soon be able to invest the time and effort needed to knock off the hated Harlequin II as Winnipeg's top music act. Which means that the next time the Grey Cup is in Winnipeg, the post-game party will be even more kick-ass than it was last year.

Pick: Winnipeg

BC at Saskatchewan

Apparently, gophers are so detested by Saskatchewan farmers that there's some fear for Gainer's safety. The executive director of the Saskatchewan Wildlife Federation insists the beloved rodent is safe, since he's "the chosen one." (I'm not making this up.) But if I were Gainer, I'd still be concerned. After all, there's been a perfectly good hedgehog lurking around the stadium lately just waiting to take over mascot duties.

Pick: Saskatchewan

Montreal at Hamilton

Let's put this in early-'90s hip-hop terms the Ticats can understand.

You can get with this, or you can get with that. You can get with this, or you can get with that. You can get with this, or you can get with that. I think you'll get with this, cuz this is where it's at.

Who's the black sheep? Maas the black sheep.

Pick: Montreal

Bonus pick: 

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Stamps by himself. Hot off the Calgary Stampede, his hated rivals have brought with them a bull and issued an edict that Pinball cannot play them until he's ridden it across the field. How does Pinball do?*

Boatmenblog pick: Pinball (plus bull) 1,712, Stamps 0. (Not only does Pinball successfully ride the bull; he also charms it into joining him for the game. With the bull blocking, Pinball scores at least two additional touchdowns on top of what he'd normally get.

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches. 

CFL fans are undoubtedly aware of the fact that Paul Weiler, the man who played Pigskin Pete III retired at the end of last season, and that the Cats were going to be undertaking an exhaustive search for the next Pete in the off season.  Except that they didn't.

As reported by Perry Lefko at Sportsnet.ca, the team failed to hire a full-time Pete and is instead going with three different stand ins for each game. The Cats' Scott McNaughton told Lefko that "At every game this season, the spirit of Pigskin Pete will live on via three Oskee-wee-wees at Ivor Wynne Stadium -- one by a kid, one by a fan and one by a celebrity." Proving definitely that even the Ticats recognize that no kids or celebrities are also fans of the Ticats.

Now having watched the new plan in action last night, we feel comfortable in saying that it doesn't work. First of all, there were no kids cast in the Pete role and unless they are somehow counting Angelo Mosca, there was no celebrity either. Regardless of that though, a big reason that the Pete role works is that he would walk around the field interacting with fans and that is something that cannot be replicated by the army of impersonators.

So come on Hamiltonians. Run a comb through that mullet get out there and demand that someone wear the bowler hat full time. At the very least it'll take your mind off of the other on field product.  It's hammer time.