I'm sure this will just play into the whole "East Coast bias" feeling that some of the league's left coast supporters point to, but generally the Lions have been a completely forgettable foe over the last number of years.  Obviously they've had some great teams, but the only real reminder I get that they're in the league are the Wally Buono chloseterol ads.

The Lions have been effective at finding little known guys to play big roles, meaning you never notice any big free agent signings, they play the majority of their games at a time when I've usually gone out for the evening and unless they're in the Grey Cup or hosting it, you're liable to see 10 Lions fans all of Grey Cup week. 

Completely forgettable. 

Which is a shame because Wally is always good for a few hissy fits every year, you never know when one of the players is going to be tasered (you're safe now, TJ Acree) and they always play an interesting offensive style.  Maybe that should be my new season resolution. Pay more attention to the Lions.  Onwards to the offseason movement:

• While the big off-season question has been Jackson or Pierce, I'm guessing that this battle is already over. It's plain to see that Buck used his clout to make sure that he no longer had the most ridiculous name on the roster and I'm guessing he can't go to the well twice. Enter Rolly Lumbala.  Buck, Rolly... We're a "Nails" and a "Duke" away from a WWII platoon.
• Jason Jimenez appealed his one game suspension for breaking Anthony Gargiulo's leg last year and while this has probably been resolved, who cares? Jimenez and Rob Murphy will just find another way to get suspended in the exhibition game. Tim Cheatwood's apparently available again - I'm sure he'd fit in nicely with the "total asshole" theme the Lions have been gunning for.
• Seems that there is a possibility that Cam Wake could get out of his three year deal with the Lions allowing him the chance to explore his NFL options. As unsolicited advice: Go for it Cameron.  Don't turn into the next Joe Montford or Tim Cofield. (Actually, to avoid this you probably just need to avoid becoming a high profile addition to the Argos. But you get the point).

Finally, we were very pleased to see the Lions organization reach out and help the troubled BC forestry industry. Ensuring that the man who consumes nearly one third of all toothpicks produced in North America is in the province ensuring lower shipping costs will surely be appreciated and makes for great PR for the team. Welcome back, Roy. 

Given the actions over the course of the season of the BC Lions O-Linemen (specifically Rob Murphy, Jason Jimenez and Sherko Haji-Rasouli) we can see why the CFL would be a little concerned about its image.  However, we think that having offending Lions players read out the following statement before every down is a little much:

"The Canadian Football League and the BC Lions Football Club are in no way responsible for the acts that we may commit or think about committing before, during and after the whistle. Any personal items that may be lost, damaged or launched in the course of our encounter are not the responsibilities of the aforementioned parties and you will not be entitled to reimbursement, repair or having one of our teammates retrieve your item from downfield.  Be aware that any form of football related behaviour be it tackling, calling out assignment, drinking Gatorade or pointing out women in the stands will be viewed as an act of disrespect and handled accordingly. Any attempts to rebroadcast or disseminate the accounts and descriptions of our actions are strictly prohibited and will be dealt with accordingly by the B.C. Lions offensive linemen." 

Damn the BC Lions. As much as we hate to admit it, we kind of need some help from the players and teams in coming up with something moderately entertaining to say about them. And what have the Lions given us? Nothing.

What can you really say about them? They have the best player in the league, the best QB tandem, the best offence, the best Canadian and the best kicker who has ever had manure dumped in front of his house.

We're starting to think this was a specific plot by the Lions against jackasses everywhere. Think about it…

• No significant new players

• No 1^st round NFL busts that have been selling real estate

• Our favourite Lion, T.J. Acree - who became the first (but hopefully not the last) professional football player to be tasered after eating at a sushi restaurant...gone.

• Geroy Simon…still refusing to explore his sexuality beyond that whole Superman thing.
  

That being said, we do think that the team slipped up in at least one regard this off-season. We all know that Wally Buono hates cholesterol with a passion rivaled only by Andre Rison’s fear of paternity tests... so where have our beloved anti-cholesterol ads been the last few months?

Cholesterol doesn’t take an off-season, Wally. Neither should you.

It’s the start of the Thanksgiving weekend. You’re driving up to your cottage or heading out on the town. We’re all sitting around a living room watching two western teams – neither of which he particularly like – doing battle. So naturally, we want to share the experience with you in all its glorious detail. After all, we haven’t done this in a while.

There’s only one problem – come the 10:00 pm start-time, TSN is still showing a Habs-Sabres game that’s run late. This is distressing, but we’ll work through it. We’re resilient that way.

10:01 pm Where’s Schultzie? Where’s Jock? Where’s anyone? Hockey season sucks.

10:06 The Habs are clinging to a 4-3 lead. We don’t want overtime. Go Habs.

10:09 Naturally, the Sabres tie it up in the final minute. Guy Carbonneau should be fired – already, Jack Todd is off somewhere writing that scalpers aren’t getting as much for Habs tickets as they used to. Honestly though, it’s a meaningless October hockey game. How is this more important than the CFL? Sure, we could understand not showing an Esks-Ti-cats game, but these are the top two teams in that “other” division.

10:11 With the Habs and Sabres still going, TSN’s football panel makes a cameo appearance. Matt Dunigan looks kind of annoyed that they’re still showing the hockey game. Begrudgingly, we gain more respect for Matt Dunigan.

10:15 It looks like Carbonneau is paying tribute to Don Matthews. So far as we can tell, he hasn’t moved in the last 15 minutes.

10:18 All three of us are currently debating whether or not people eat leeks in anything other than soups. We need football, stat.

10:24 Thomas Vanek wins it for Buffalo in the shootout, and simply skates towards the bench. Nik Lewis would have at least mocked Montreal by smoking some meat.

10:25 Onwards to BC Place. Apparently it’s 7-0 Lions. And we’ve never been happier to hear Glen Suitor.

10:33 Paul McCallum comes on to punt, and once again fails to get the single that Wally Buono so desperately wanted.

10:35 Is the CFL the only league that has both an official whisky and an official on-line gambling site? We love this league.

10:37 Jermaine Copeland celebrates a first down with a very heterosexual dance. The play is promptly called back.

10:39 Copeland gets a real catch this time, and remains defiantly heterosexual.

10:43 We’re treated to the first of what will no doubt be many anti-cholesterol commercials…but alarmingly, Wally Buono is nowhere to be found. As far as we can tell, he’s been replaced by a bull - the most embarrassing spokesman change since Mel Lastman’s own company replaced him with a monkey

10:47 Phew. Wally’s back, in anti-cholesterol form. When do we get a super-commercial with Wally fighting the bull?

10:49 Smilin’ Hank Burris throws his second screen pass interception in as many weeks, this one to former Renegade Korey Banks. Incidentally, Korey Banks is the only Korey (and/or Corey) we know of who is not a child actor, a strung-out former child actor or a 12-year-old-brat.

10:55 Touchdown Geroy Simon. Chris Cuthbert explains that the Stamps don’t like it when things are “put in their end zone.” Jermaine Copeland and Nik Lewis not approvingly.

11:01 We’re treated to a gratuitous shot of Dave Ritchie, once described by a friend of ours as looking like “an evil fish.”

11:02 The evil fish is shown making a drinkie-drinkie motion.

11:06 TSN gives us an extremely blurry shot of a queasy-looking Dave Dickenson, presumably so that we can see Dickenson the way that Dickenson sees us.

11:07 Buck Pierce is 14 of 15 for 181 yards and a TD in the first half. That might explain why Dickenson looks nauseous.

11:09 Scott Coe takes off his helmet to reveal a disappointingly normal haircut. We’re going to take credit for pressuring him into this.

11:14 As B.C. tries to put something in Calgary’s end zone again, Cuthbert tells us that the coverage was “a little too tight.” Copeland and Lewis are not going to like this one bit.

11:15 Touchdown Lions. Will we ever do one of these that’s not a blowout?

11:28 At halftime, Schultz explains that Copeland has “skills.” Hopefully those include numchuck skills. Because girls love guys with skills.

11:29 Dunigan appears to be wearing a tie that he lifted off a Howard Johnson concierge sometime in the ‘80s.

11:34 Is it just us, or has Jim Popp’s southern accent been getting thicker through this interview with Brian Williams? And doesn’t Popp kinda look less like a coach than the guy who’d be calling up sports radio to complain about the coach?

11:47 The third quarter well underway, Geroy Simon comes up with another excellent – and defiantly heterosexual – catch.

11:47 Buck Pierce is absorbed by a gentleman we like to call “The Pad.”

11:54 As Calgary concedes a safety, Cuthbert informs us that we won’t see the “dancing punter.” That’s a shame, because the dancing punter sounds magnificent.

12:00 a.m. Amazingly, Sandro DeAngelis appears to be falling asleep on the Stamps' bench. We’re not making this up. Ever watch your dog’s eyes get heavy, until he falls asleep on his nose? That’s pretty much was Sandro’s doing.

12:02 Sandro wakes up long enough to kick a short field goal, and we go to commercial.

12:03 How much is this movie with Robin Williams running for president going to suck? It’s nice that he’s out of rehab, but anyone who actually has to watch this thing is going straight into it. If there’s anyone on earth less funny than Robin Williams at this point, we can’t imagine who it is.

12:05 Cuthbert introduces a clip from last week of Buck Pierce landing on his funny bone. To which Suitor responds, naturally: “There’s nothing funny about it.” We take it back: Robin Williams is definitely funnier than Glen Suitor.

12:10 You know those movies where they have the team of snotty rich kids going up against the scrappy gang of misfits from across the lake? Lions' O.C. Jacques Chapdelaine totally looks like he should be coaching the snotty rich kids.

12:21 With the Lions up 26-6, Cuthbert says that Burris is trying to “change the course of the game.” Burris promptly throws directly into the hands of a Lions back.

12:22 As retribution for stuff being put in their end zone, the Stamps violate some guy named Colon.

12:28 As Joe Smith takes it home, Suitor invites us to “take a ride on the Joe Train.” We have no idea what that means, but we’re pretty sure Calgary won’t appreciate the Joe Train penetrating their end zone.

12:31 Up 33-6, and with Wally Buono channeling his inner Mike Martz, the Lions successfully do an onside kick. It’s called back, but it doesn’t matter. If this doesn’t come back to bite the Lions in the ass, we know nothing of karma.

12:35 Continuing a longstanding TSN tradition of assuming that Canadians are too dumb to understand sports other than hockey, Suitor inexplicably assesses that a good fullback is like a good fourth-line centre.

12:39 Burris is picked off for another touchdown, and in a show of solidarity the Lions all start doing the Geroy Simon superman pose. Copeland and Lewis promptly run off to record a health advisory on “catching the gay.”

12:40 The Lions go for two, officially becoming the most dislikeable team in the league. We can only assume Chapdelaine was somehow responsible for this.

12:42 Danny Mac is in, and he’ll make you jump, jump. Jumping himself, however, might be difficult, because we're not sure he could get off the ground at this point. Having apparently been enjoying the good life as a backup QB, his chinstrap is now too small for his face.

12:51 It’s decided: Our main goal for the Grey Cup is to hang with Danny Mac…mostly because he’ll make us look less drunk, sleepy and, um, portly.

12:54 Danny Mac leads the Stamps to their first touchdown of the game, scoring one for plus-sized gentlemen everywhere.

1:00 Why is Geroy Simon still in the game?

1:01 Oh, look…Geroy’s limping off the field. What was that about karma, again?

1:04 Danny Mac gets picked, prompting Wally to laugh at him. It’s nice to see that with The Don out of the CFL, Buono’s stepping into the all-purpose bogeyman role.

1:05 The final score? Lions 39, Stamps 13. The final answer? Leeks are pretty much useless outside soup.