If Montreal’s season goes anything like its off-season, there’ll be only one word to describe it: awkward.

After a poor 2007, highlighted by his players openly criticizing his performance, Jim Popp was relieved of his coaching duties. Although he retained his GM duties, Popp decided to stay home and pout rather than attend the press conference announcing his replacement, Marc Tresman. But no worries - the new head coach wasn’t there either. Due to a personal issue, the Tresman hiring was formally announced to the media in December but the man himself didn’t actually turn up until about a month later. Awkward.

By all accounts Tresman is a very nice guy, and he did spend over 17 years in the NFL as an assistant coach and offensive co-ordinator. But that would make for a more impressive c.v. if club president Larry Smith hadn’t initially said he would be looking for a coach with proven CFL experience. So Smith was hung out to dry a bit when Tresman announced to the media that he was “excited to learn something new.” Nice to see everyone is on the same page, because otherwise it might get a little awkward too.

As for Popp’s performance as GM, the Als were one of two teams caught having violated the CFL’s salary cap in 2007. The other, Saskatchewan, was only nominally over the limit and received a small fine. Conveniently, it also won the Grey Cup. Montreal, meanwhile, was so far over the cap that it had its first-round pick in the draft taken away. Less conveniently, Popp’s overuse of someone else’s money earned the Als an 8-10 record and a third-place finish in the East, followed by a quick playoff exit. Awkward.

Popp’s offseason wasn’t much better. It wa s rumoured that Tom Canada, Dario Romero and JoJuan Armour all turned down more money from Montreal than they were being offered elsewhere. More recently came word that the Als signed running back Corey Holmes to a contract - only to have him vanish into thin air. This, admittedly, was not so much awkward as just flat-out weird.

Whether the Als have any hope of pulling themselves out of their funk probably depends on which version of Anthony Calvillo will be back this year. If they’re lucky, it’ll be the one who won the CFL Most Outstanding player award in 2004. More likely, though, it’ll be the ancient-looking ’07 model. On the bright side, Marcus Brady’s torching of the CFL’s touch-football tournament during last year’s Grey Cup festivities suggests he may be ready to take it to the next level. If only they can find some more middle-ages contest winners for him to throw to, it could be lightning in a bottle.

To give whoever’s behind centre some help, the team did sign former NFL “stars” Charles Rogers and Peter Warrick at wide receiver, the latter of whom lasted approximately 46 seconds on the roster before his release. While disappointing, this was not nearly so upsetting as the departure of Etienne Boulay for the NFL, which means Montrealers may have to start looking to the Als’ cheerleaders for their dose of cleavage. (It also means certain bloggers may have to start finding some new material.)

All told, it’s hard to see the Als finishing above even Hamilton. And if you don’t believe me, I’ve got irrefutable evidence - a Sportsnet online poll! to prove it. On the question of who will win the ’08 Grey Cup, the results went like this:

Roughriders 24%

Lions 23%

Blue Bombers 15%

Argos 11%

Stamps 10%

Eskimos 10%

Tiger Cats 5%

Allouettes 2%

Missing the playoffs in the year you are hosting the Grey Cup: awkward.

So, what are you doing on the Friday night of a long weekend? Because us, we're sitting around Camp Rusty drinking beer, eating Swiss Chalet and watching the Week 1 showdown between the Roughriders and the Alouettes. Two swinging guys, we are, and courtesy of the year's first game diary you're along for the ride.

***

7:04 - Other sports broadcasts have sideline reporters like Melissa Stark or Erin Andrews... Friday Night Football has Danny Mac. And yes, he still makes us jump, jump.

7:06 - When did Matt Dunigan develop a stutter? Deep breath, Matt. Deep breath.

7:07 - The Kent Austin love-in begins. Contrary to all the available evidence, the TSN panel wants us to know that he's perfectly happy to run the ball.

7:12 - Ooohhh, a Brian Williams interview. We don't really consider it football season until we've seen at least five shots of Williams nodding pensively while his subject rambles. In this case it's Mark Cohon, whose main requirement for the commissioner's job appears to be that he looks like John Tory's kid brother.

7:14 - Wait...two Brian Williams interviews? Now he's talking to David Stern about Cohon...and nodding pensively.

7:15 - Hold on...three Brian Williams interviews? Bob Young, step on up. 

7:16 - Four Brian Williams interviews? This is starting to look like a Behind the Music episode. All we need now is for the one-armed drummer from Def Leppard to turn up and credit Mark Cohon with saving his life.

7:17 - As the montage ends, we're back to Brian Williams live from Molson Stadium...who's still watching his Behind the Music episode on a monitor. Actually, he's not just watching - he's shaking his head with the sort of grin that says "Brian, you magnificent bastard, you've done it again."

7:23 - Ah, Out of Bounds - the feature clearly dreamed up by whoever signed off on this massive studio to justify its costs. Put Dunigan in one corner of the studio, Climie in another, Schultz in a third...and presto, you've got TV magic.

7:33 - Tonight's TSN poll: Who's the best Canadian receiver in the league? Our candidates: Jason Clermont, Ben Cahoon and...Andy Fantuz? Time to begin our write-in campaign for Andre Talbot.

7:38 - We're ready for kickoff...and so is Jim Popp's luxurious hair.

7:40 - Beautiful catch by Jason Armstead. And luckily, Jake Ireland isn't around to call a holding penalty.

7:48 - Someone named Mike Imoh (pronounced "Emo") is running all over the 'Riders. And every time Suitor says his name, we expect some moody kid with a bad haircut to walk into the huddle.

7:51 - Already in Grey Cup form, Anthony Calvillo is intercepted in the end zone.

7:54 - After their second possession of the game, the 'Riders have still yet to run the ball. The balanced attack is in full effect.

7:56 - How bad a beer is Coors Light that they're trying to sell it on the basis that it's colder than other beers? Watch for Steelback to counter with its campaign to make its beer the warmest beer you can buy. Which of course would make it even more delicious.

7:59 - Calvillo is sacked...we think. It's hard to tell for sure, because TSN was showing a pan shot of the entire stadium. Finally, we can experience what it's like to watch the game from the rooftop of a nearby building.

8:07 - Glen Suitor wants all you kids out there to follow Ben Cahoon's lead by investing in some sort of contraption that flings balls at you at an extremely high speed. If you can't afford that, kids, just have your friends fling their own balls at you. Or give Rod Black a call.

8:11 - End of the first quarter, and it's a scoreless tie. We should really warn fans before we liveblog games so they don't waste their Friday nights.

8:12 - "Etienne Boulay shows Blitz..." Why are you stopping, Cuthbert? We want to know what he showed Blitz, although this being Etienne Boulay we can probably guess.

8:16 - Kent Austin's balanced offensive unit currently has 10 rushing yards, most of which we're pretty sure came from Kerry Joseph

8:32 - We don't mean to pick on Glen Suitor too much, at least this early in the season. But after a running play from Imoh goes nowhere, he decides to make his second point about Dave Mudge's awesomeness in two plays. Why not explain why the running play didn't work?

8:38 - It's starting to rain at Molson stadium. Luckily Danny Mac isn't in a white t-shirt.

8:39 - Uh-oh. With the rain, the Riders are going to have to run the ball. Kent Austin's biggest foe: rain

8:39 - TSN cuts to the Als cheerleaders in the rain. An admirable decision.

8:43 - It's really hard to watch football in the rain without thinking about the opening scene from The Last Boyscout. Good thing Robert Baker didn't sign with either of these teams.

8:56 - That Emo kid is running the ball again for Montreal.  If they keep hitting him like this, they're going to smudge his eyeliner.

8:58 - Jim Popp appears to have pulled his hood up to avoid messing up his hair.

8:58 - We're at the half and it's a 6-2 barnburner. By our count, there have been about 3 touchdowns combined in all of the game diaries we've written.

9:02 - This game is so bad, the studio crew isn't even trying to convince us it's not.

9:05 - Fantuz is at 12% in the wide receivers poll. It's safe to assume that 12% of the people watching this thing are from Saskatchewan.

9:08 - The net yards at the half - 143-103. Or less than two Bashir Levinston kick returns combined.

9:10 - We still can't see Jennifer Hedger without thinking of The Lofters. And in turn an unpleasant conversation about her nipples that we hope we're imagining but we're pretty sure we're not. We won"t elaborate.

9:11 - We're able to shake that thought long enough to notice that Hedger is plugging TSN's live coverage this weekend of NHL free agent signings...official proof that this country's hockey obsession has turned into self-parody.

9:12 - We've just been warned that "no accounts or descriptions of this game" are allowed to be "disseminated without the official consent of the CFL." Good thing we're too busy writing about Popp's hair and Hedger's nipples to pay much attention to the game.

9:17 - The Riders have put together something resembling a drive.

9:18 - Mark Estelle is one of those guys who should always be referred to by his full name. Otherwise, we think one of the Golden Girls is loose on the field. (This also applies to Chip Cox, for obvious reasons. You really don't want to hear Chris Cuthbert talk about someone being "smothered by Cox.")

9:19 - Congi hits his third field goal of the game. It continues to mystify us that TSN doesn't bill his stats as "the Congi line" each and every time it shows them.

9:25 - Calvillo is sacked. Again. How will Jack Todd find a way to blame Don Matthews for this?

9:27 - It's always disappointing when they show a closeup of Montreal's cheerleaders, all of whom look about 15. A city of beautiful women, and these girls look like they should have been on Green Bay's sidelines during the Mark Chmura era.

9:30 - Joseph finds Henri Childs deep and...he's in! 16-3 Riders. And that's what a touchdown looks like. We'd forgotten.

9:34 - Somehow, Jamie Boreham just got called for unnecessary roughness. This is what happens when other kickers try to be Noel Prefontaine.

9:35 - We love Danny Mac and we're thoroughly enjoying his debut. But someone needs to tell him to stop saying things like "Calvillo's balls are fluttering."

9:40 - With the Riders pinned deep, they concede the safety. But first we get that inevitable moment where the kicker tempts fate by running around the back of the end zone with the ball - the most inexplicable thing in football next to the failure of the Las Vegas Posse.

9:44 - In this year's edition of Chris Schultz's food drive ad, he's got his sleeves rolled up. This is a man who clearly means business.

9:46 - Cuthbert notes that the fans don't seem to be getting on Calvillo despite his abysmal performance. Just a wild guess here, but that may have something to do with all the fans having gone home to avoid the rain.

9:50 - Calvillo's picked off again. The fans are audibly voicing their displeasure.

9:51 - Kerry Joseph has 43 rushing yards. Austin's going to have a running game whether he likes it or not.

9:55 - Apparently the Riders had to make a trade to get Henri Childs from the Als because they couldn't find his phone number while he was a free agent. God, we love this league.

10:00 - Nice to see Reggie Hunt rocking the tinted-visor-at-night look. He's officially the Corey Hart of the CFL.

10:03 - Calvillo's picked off yet again, this time inside the 10. Mar-cus Bra-dy (Clap. Clap. Clap-Clap-Clap.)

10:07 - Boreham concedes another safety for the Riders. If you're turning this game on now, you're going to see a 16-7 score and assume the Als have a touchdown. That would make this a merely bad game. But to understand how uniquely bad it is, you have to know that they actually have three safeties and a rouge.

10:12 - Just what this game needs - a challenge.

10:14 - Calvillo gets run over. Pity he didn't hear Cuthbert's panicked "LOOK OUT!" before the hit. You know you're having a bad night when the commentators start pitying you.

10:17 - It's also a bad sign when your enormous inflatable mascot is visibly depressed.

10:19 - Why must they tease us with promises of "Glen's Gladiator"? Tell us who it is, you bastards!

10:23 - The Als turn it over on downs with 1:22 left after Calvillo throws it about 8 yards short of the first-down marker on third down. In other words, he pulled a Damon Allen.

10:27 - Apparently this is the lowest scoring game between these teams since the Als came back to Montreal 11 years ago. So naturally, one of the quarterbacks is Glen's Gladiator.

10:30 - Calvillo just went down in a pitiful heap to avoid being sacked.

10:31 - And...it's done. Riders 16, Als 7. We were going to demand Jim Popp not cut his hair until Montreal wins, but that might get in the way of Herb Zurkowsky collecting locks of it to keep by his bed.

Originally this preview was going to be an ode to Jim Popp’s hair, but apparently Herb Zurkowsky of the Montreal Gazette already beat us to the punch on that one.

So besides the head coach growing out his hair, the second biggest development in Montreal was the announcement of a charity concert hosted by the Als for the Sainte-Justine Hospital and Garde-Manger Pour Tous featuring a performance by the OSM and conducted by Kent Nagano. (The OSM would be the Orchestre Symphonique de Montreal, for the unitiniated and clearly uncultured.) Obviously this a very worthwhile event and we're sure that everyone involved will have a wonderful time. But like every other football-related event, odds are required for recreational purposes:

-Will the Als host the event on a non-game night because they learned from the Argos’ mistake that big name acts like Shaggy and Kent Nagano don’t boost football ticket sales? 5 to 1

- Will the OSM perform Hey Baby (Will you be my girl?), widely recognized as the most popular song in the history of Montreal? 1 to 3

- Will it be a cellist or a percussionist who receives a seductive dance from a cheerleader? Cellist –130

- Over/under on number of people who will mistakenly believe that the conductor has signaled a first down when he raises his baton: 2,500

- Over/under on the number that will yell “First down Monnnnnntreal”: 2,498

It was reported in the Montreal Gazette a week ago that Ed Philion is most likely going to retire before the start of next season. 

While we generally do not like to see anyone forced to leave a job they love, we'll make an exception in Philion's case. Regardless of the fact that he was a three-time CFL all-star, we will always remember Philion as a man who always went the extra mile to ensure that the other team's quarterback was injured before the end of the game. While most of his biggest "hits" came against the Argos, he was an equal opportunity offender and also managed to injure Dave Dickenson, Khari Jones and Casey Printers. Pretty impressive given that he averaged just over 1.5 tackles per game in his CFL career.

No word on what Philion plans to do in retirement; however, we're guessing that it won't involve fishing. After all, you can't catch a fish by diving at its knees.

You thought you were rid of us, didn't you? Damon ages before our eyes, Arland Bruce shows the effects of not relaxing with a good old lasagna cookoff, the Argos season ends, and we all crawl back into whatever hole we climbed out of.

Not so fast. Not only will we be bringing you Canada's most comprehensive coverage* of Grey Cup weekend; we'll be keeping this going, one way or another, all winter...so when our new hero Michael Bishop returns next summer to lead the Argos to a perfect 18-0 season, we'll be ready for it.

In the meanwhile, we're in a surprisingly good mood. Part of this is because Winnipeg looms on the horizon. (Who among us hasn't said that at least once in their life?) But it's also because, even if the game itself was a little grim, we considered our Montreal foray a learning experience.

See, we now have a definitive answer as to who the stupidest fans in the CFL are.

Now, don't get us wrong. We love Montreal. Great nightlife, great culture, great smoked meat. And from our experience, the crowds at Molson Stadium tend to be pretty endearing, when they're not throwing peanuts at us. But for some reason, when they're joined by thousands of bandwagon jumpers at the Big Owe, they all turn into the world's largest herd of sheep.

We come from Toronto, and we've been to the odd Leafs game, so we know from crowds that need prompting to make noise. But we've never seen anything quite like the Als playoff crowd. Give them those bloody thunderstix, and they smack them together like trained seals. Tell them to "fait de bruit," and they bring the bruit. But ask them to figure out for themselves when to make noise, and they're hopelessly lost. Allow us to offer a few examples:

• Approximately 50% of the time, Argos' offensive plays are preceded by the call for bruit. The place roars. On the other 50% of Argos' offensive plays, it's virtually silent.

• Late in the game, while the Als are on offence, someone screws up and the "fait de bruit" call is played over the speakers. The crowd instantly works itself into a frenzy, prompting Brian Chiu to have a meltdown as he flaps his arms in the air to shut them up.

• On a close, deep play, the referee waves an Argo pass incomplete. At this point, it becomes clear that the fans have watched so little football that they don't recognize the signal. Only once the PA guy tells them it's incomplete do they burst into cheers.

• Our personal favourite comes at the end of the national anthem, when the trained seal in front of us sits through the entire national anthem  - and then proves unable to resist the banging of thunderstix at the end of it, abandoning his noble separatist cause to clang his 'stix together with them. Way to take a political stand there, jackass.

So, yeah...we're going to be pretty welcome at Grey Cup '08, aren't we?

* = Assuming your definition of "most comprehensive" is "most replete with stories of our drunken encounters with mascots, cheerleaders and middle-aged men in body paint."

We're all for the presumption of innocence and all that good stuff. But we have to admit that when word first broke about a couple of unnamed Alouettes celebrating Lawrence Phillips Throwback Night, we had our hopes up. Maybe it was Anthony Calvillo who went postal on the cops, presumably because they failed to recognize all that he's done for Montreal. Or Etienne Boulay, finally snapping after one too many jokes about his ample bosom. Or Ed Philion diving for the cops' knees.

Sadly, it was none of the above. The alleged wrongdoers are...wait for it...Alain Kashama and Mark Estelle.

Both apparently started against the Argos in the regular season finale. But, yeah...we have no idea who they are either. Although we have to say, based on his official team photo, Kashama does look pretty pissed off. 

We're genuinely sorry to hear the news of Don Matthews' apparent health problems, cited as the reason for his departure from the Als. Despite having become somewhat of a nemesis to the Argos in Montreal, he did deliver two Grey Cups to Toronto and has been a source of innovation and excitement in the CFL for as long as we've been following the league. He was also especially talented at pissing off the Montreal media, which can't be a bad thing.

We look forward to the day, twenty years from now, when Matthews' general surliness is described as "gritty" or "tough," and to being there when he's inducted into the CFL Hall of Fame. By "being there" we pretty well mean being in a bar somewhere watching the game on TV, but we'll at least raise a pint to The Don.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, a few lingering questions and thoughts about Wednesday's announcement:

• If (God forbid) The Don needs to have an operation, will Jack Todd be there to ask scalpers how much they're getting for seats in the operating theatre?

•  If this is in any way related to our suggestion that The Don try to spruce up the Als-Lions rivalry by taunting Wally Buono with delicious, high-cholesterol poutine, we sincerely apologize.

• If there's a silver lining to this whole thing, it's valuable medical information it's provided - namely, that incuabtion time for the stress caused by "Ted White Is My QB In The East Final Syndrome" is approximately 2 years. 

• Wait a minute... is this all just a ploy by the Als to get someone to send them a backup QB as a get-well-soon present?

• Dare we hope that, as opposed to being sick in the sense of illness, The Don is just sick in the sense of his hit single? Because if that's what he means by being too sick for the Als, we're going to stop typing right now and go pray that he'll hereby be spending his time collaborating with Shake Severs.

Before we get started, I just want to be clear that I'm completely ashamed of myself for titling this post with a reference to a catch phrase from The Bachelor. In my defence, the one time I saw the show I was stuck in a hotel room without cable during a rainstorm. And there was no remote... and the knob on the TV was broken... and I was being forced to watch at gunpoint. Yes, I realize that I should have just partaken in the mini-bar and gone to bed. Yes, I'm an enormous loser.

Nevertheless, now that the Alouettes have signed the Bachelor to act as their fourth-string QB, we thought it might be useful to check in on which other reality stars might be heading north of the border - and where they might go.

Flava Flav (Public Enemy, The Surreal Life, Flavour of Love) - Originally we were thinking Flav might head to the Alouettes, if only because he'd always have a response when Don Matthews asks "What Time Is It?". But we have a very strict one-reality-star-per-team rule here.

Flav's preference for wearing a Viking helmet would seem to imply that he'd prefer to play for the Boatmen, and we'd certainly love to have him. After all, he could be the next Damon Allen: They're about the same age, Flav has probably been on as many reality shows as Damon has teams, they're about the same weight, and there's at least a 3% chance that Damon walks around the house wearing a set of gold teeth. Besides, Toronto hasn't had this handsome an athlete since Otis Nixon.

Richard Hatch (Survivor) - Given that he's only been convicted of the relatively minor crime of tax evasion, he could probably act as a role model to some of the Roughriders. (And yes, we know we're setting ourselves up as Argos fans. But at least give us credit for not making jokes about a fat naked gay guy trying to fit in on the Prairies.)

Ruben Studdard (American Idol) - Since the city of Hamilton is amongst the world leaders in doughnut shops per capita, we really think that Ruben could provide the local economy with a boost. And remember: He's only slightly less mobile than Danny McManus was.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck (Survivor) - All right...for the sake of all those suffering Ticats fans, we're prepared to break that one-reality-star-per-team rule. Sadly, Elizabeth probably won't be able to bring her moderately talented husband with her. But on the bright side, even she probably has a stronger arm than Jason Maas. And if the team is looking for an appropriate replacement for Craig Yeast...well, um, take it away, Wikipedia entry.

Original plan: All three of your Boatmen bloggers are going to watch another Ticats game so you don’t have to. By the end of the first quarter, we realize that even we can’t stand to sit through this pathetic an effort – and we’re Argos fans.

Plan B, then: Watch the more promising Montreal/Edmonton Grey Cup rematch. As it turns out, this one’s not much better. But we managed to stick with it, more or less. Here goes.

10:15 pm Ah, good…it’s Cuthbert calling this one. Big improvement over Rod Black, even if he had to bring Glen Suitor along for the ride. But why does Cuthbert always sound so surprised? (And Anthony Calvillo leads the Alouettes onto the field! Starting lineups brought to you by Tums!”)

10:16 pm A weather report tells us the field is damp, just like Rod Black’s…ugh, we can’t do it.

10:19 pm Oh no…it’s that Rogers Player of the Game ad with Damon Allen. Could they not turn the volume on him down a little, so he doesn’t sound like your 87-year-old grandfather yelling at you from the front porch?

10:24 pm Shouldn’t Anthony Calvillo be getting the Brett Favre treatment from CFL commentators at this point? (“Nobody loves to play the game as much as A.C.!”) If only he’d pretend to be considering retirement every off-season…

10:36 pm Pat Woodcock, still living off one big play in Grey Cup’02, makes a catch. When the Eskimos took this guy in the Renegades dispersal draft, did they also get his cheerleader wife?

10:37 pm Glen Suitor, who coincidentally used to play for the Roughriders, explains that helmet-to-helmet tackles are a-okay because as a kid you’re “taught to lead with your face.” Note to parents: Do not let Glen Suitor coach your kid’s team.

10:41 pm Edmonton has been driving for approximately 28 minutes to close out a scoreless quarter. We’re actually looking forward to the commercial break.

10:42 pm Cowbell Jenny is so bored that she’s reading aloud from Now Magazine’s sex ads. “I’ve never seen an escort ad where they offer air conditioning! Why do they advertise air conditioning? Oh, man, this is a strong drink.”

10:44 pm Hey, it’s Etienne Boulay! Va-va-voom!

10:53 pm Don Matthews, sporting a spiffy pair of shades and clearly inspired by today’s movie opening, is rocking the Miami Vice look. Or maybe it’s just the Miami retirement home look.

11:01 pm Suitor and Cuthbert are on about the million-dollar kick again. Brian Diesbourg may have gotten $1-million, but TSN commentators got something even more valuable – the chance to fill an unlimited amount of airtime during boring games.

11:03 pm Somebody named Murray Clarke just announced a penalty on Edmonton. We generally mistrust referees who aren’t named Ireland, but this guy does look like he could kick both John and Jake’s ass. Finally, a CFL answer to Ed Hochuli.

11:06 pm The Habs are leading the Oilers 4-3. Oh, wait…

11:07 pm An excited Glen Suitor: “Darrell Mitchell is the only receiver with a locker next to Ricky Ray’s!” Hoo boy...we're actually starting to miss Leif Peterson.

11:11 pm Calvillo completes an 8-yard pass to Ben Cahoon; a hearty “Oh YEAH!” emerges from a badly overmiked O-line. Presumably, somebody just handed Bryan Chiu a hot dog.

11:13 pm Suitor speculates that Dave Randorf’s fat lip didn’t come from a softball, as claimed, but from “the back of Chris Schultz’s hand.” That’s pretty much the best thing Suitor has said all year. Really, we like Randorf…but he does look like the rest of the TSN panel’s bitch.

11:20 pm The Eskimos challenge on a Mookie Mitchell catch ruled incomplete. Somewhere, Peewee Smith curses them.

11:23 pm Has Don Matthews moved yet this half? If Dave Wannstedt turns it down, he might want to audition for Weekend at Bernie’s III.

11:24 pm Sean Fleming misses a field goal. Suddenly, we’re nostalgic for the ’96 Grey Cup.

11:25 pm It's 4-3 at the half, and Cuthbert and Suitor are in damage control mode. “It’s not a typical CFL shootout, but it’s a great game between rivals…great coaching…”

11:26 pm More of the same from Randorf And Schultz. “It’s a low-scoring game, but it’s not a boring game!”

11:26 pm Jock Climie wants us to send him jokes “to split Dave Randorf’s lip.” Here's one: "Matt Dunigan's coaching career." Thank you. That is all.

11:36 pm After a startingly original and underutilized Wendy's ad, it finally hits Rusty. “Wait…I can get a baked potato with my classic single combo? Why haven’t they told me this before?”

11:50 pm Suitor observes that Mookie Mitchell is “already” the leading receiver for his team tonight. That’s quite the pace he’s on.

11:57 pm TSN shows the Als’ offensive coordinator, who appears to be asleep. That would explain a lot.

11:58 pm A.C. flings such a godawful shovel pass, we’re pretty sure Joe Paopao called it.

12:04 am The Als' Duane Butler appears to have someone holding a gun to his back in a promo spot wishing Friday Night Football a happy 10^th anniversary. Frank D’Angelo has to be involved in some way.

12:05 am You’ve gotta be friggin’ kidding us. Glen Suitor just used our Habs-Oilers line. We might as well just give up on this thing now.

12:09 am A confused-looking Danny Maccioca makes us wonder yet again how he coached a team to the Grey Cup. This guy is the Ozzie Guillen of the CFL.

12:13 am A 42-yard catch-and-run by Jason Tucker injects some life into the proceedings.

12:17 am Mike Maurer takes it home for an Eskimos touchdown. Finally.

12:18 am Somebody named “Nana” has replaced Damon Allen as the Rogers shill. This is a little intense, if only for her lack of neck. We’re gonna be honest: Nana scares the crap out of us.

12:26 am Robert Edwards responds for the Als. When the CFL holds its all-star game in Nunavut, somebody please tell him not to run on the ice floes.

12:41 am Matthews is challenging the spot on a third down gamble gone wrong. Which is weird, because we’re pretty sure he still hasn’t moved since the first quarter.

12:42 am Ruling on the field stands. Matthews looks…sleepy.

12:52 am Capping off a perfect drive after the Esks’ offence fizzles, Edwards takes it in. Truth is, the Als are scary good. We can hardly wait for the Argos to play them on four days rest this Thursday.

12:55 am We don’t like that the Als just picked off Ricky Ray, effectively ending the game. But we love that it was Etienne Boulay . Pulled it right into his ample bosom, he did. Much as it pains us that the Als are stacked, they’ve been racking up some pretty sweet plays. Pity that the Esks have looked like such hapless boobs…unlike the magnificent ones sported by the Als.

12:56 am All right, enough of that. But we'll say it again: This is God’s work we’re doing here. God’s work.

12:57 am Suitor, presenting the ever-popular “Glen’s Gladiator”, boldly proclaims that it’s “not about the stars"…then picks 2004 Defensive Player of the Year Anwar Stewart.

12:59 am The Esks are confused. What…what is that? Why are Montreal’s backs so deep? Is that a…a…a prevent defence? So THAT’S what that looks like.