Original plan: All three of your Boatmen bloggers are going to watch another Ticats game so you don’t have to. By the end of the first quarter, we realize that even we can’t stand to sit through this pathetic an effort – and we’re Argos fans.

Plan B, then: Watch the more promising Montreal/Edmonton Grey Cup rematch. As it turns out, this one’s not much better. But we managed to stick with it, more or less. Here goes.

10:15 pm Ah, good…it’s Cuthbert calling this one. Big improvement over Rod Black, even if he had to bring Glen Suitor along for the ride. But why does Cuthbert always sound so surprised? (And Anthony Calvillo leads the Alouettes onto the field! Starting lineups brought to you by Tums!”)

10:16 pm A weather report tells us the field is damp, just like Rod Black’s…ugh, we can’t do it.

10:19 pm Oh no…it’s that Rogers Player of the Game ad with Damon Allen. Could they not turn the volume on him down a little, so he doesn’t sound like your 87-year-old grandfather yelling at you from the front porch?

10:24 pm Shouldn’t Anthony Calvillo be getting the Brett Favre treatment from CFL commentators at this point? (“Nobody loves to play the game as much as A.C.!”) If only he’d pretend to be considering retirement every off-season…

10:36 pm Pat Woodcock, still living off one big play in Grey Cup’02, makes a catch. When the Eskimos took this guy in the Renegades dispersal draft, did they also get his cheerleader wife?

10:37 pm Glen Suitor, who coincidentally used to play for the Roughriders, explains that helmet-to-helmet tackles are a-okay because as a kid you’re “taught to lead with your face.” Note to parents: Do not let Glen Suitor coach your kid’s team.

10:41 pm Edmonton has been driving for approximately 28 minutes to close out a scoreless quarter. We’re actually looking forward to the commercial break.

10:42 pm Cowbell Jenny is so bored that she’s reading aloud from Now Magazine’s sex ads. “I’ve never seen an escort ad where they offer air conditioning! Why do they advertise air conditioning? Oh, man, this is a strong drink.”

10:44 pm Hey, it’s Etienne Boulay! Va-va-voom!

10:53 pm Don Matthews, sporting a spiffy pair of shades and clearly inspired by today’s movie opening, is rocking the Miami Vice look. Or maybe it’s just the Miami retirement home look.

11:01 pm Suitor and Cuthbert are on about the million-dollar kick again. Brian Diesbourg may have gotten $1-million, but TSN commentators got something even more valuable – the chance to fill an unlimited amount of airtime during boring games.

11:03 pm Somebody named Murray Clarke just announced a penalty on Edmonton. We generally mistrust referees who aren’t named Ireland, but this guy does look like he could kick both John and Jake’s ass. Finally, a CFL answer to Ed Hochuli.

11:06 pm The Habs are leading the Oilers 4-3. Oh, wait…

11:07 pm An excited Glen Suitor: “Darrell Mitchell is the only receiver with a locker next to Ricky Ray’s!” Hoo boy...we're actually starting to miss Leif Peterson.

11:11 pm Calvillo completes an 8-yard pass to Ben Cahoon; a hearty “Oh YEAH!” emerges from a badly overmiked O-line. Presumably, somebody just handed Bryan Chiu a hot dog.

11:13 pm Suitor speculates that Dave Randorf’s fat lip didn’t come from a softball, as claimed, but from “the back of Chris Schultz’s hand.” That’s pretty much the best thing Suitor has said all year. Really, we like Randorf…but he does look like the rest of the TSN panel’s bitch.

11:20 pm The Eskimos challenge on a Mookie Mitchell catch ruled incomplete. Somewhere, Peewee Smith curses them.

11:23 pm Has Don Matthews moved yet this half? If Dave Wannstedt turns it down, he might want to audition for Weekend at Bernie’s III.

11:24 pm Sean Fleming misses a field goal. Suddenly, we’re nostalgic for the ’96 Grey Cup.

11:25 pm It's 4-3 at the half, and Cuthbert and Suitor are in damage control mode. “It’s not a typical CFL shootout, but it’s a great game between rivals…great coaching…”

11:26 pm More of the same from Randorf And Schultz. “It’s a low-scoring game, but it’s not a boring game!”

11:26 pm Jock Climie wants us to send him jokes “to split Dave Randorf’s lip.” Here's one: "Matt Dunigan's coaching career." Thank you. That is all.

11:36 pm After a startingly original and underutilized Wendy's ad, it finally hits Rusty. “Wait…I can get a baked potato with my classic single combo? Why haven’t they told me this before?”

11:50 pm Suitor observes that Mookie Mitchell is “already” the leading receiver for his team tonight. That’s quite the pace he’s on.

11:57 pm TSN shows the Als’ offensive coordinator, who appears to be asleep. That would explain a lot.

11:58 pm A.C. flings such a godawful shovel pass, we’re pretty sure Joe Paopao called it.

12:04 am The Als' Duane Butler appears to have someone holding a gun to his back in a promo spot wishing Friday Night Football a happy 10^th anniversary. Frank D’Angelo has to be involved in some way.

12:05 am You’ve gotta be friggin’ kidding us. Glen Suitor just used our Habs-Oilers line. We might as well just give up on this thing now.

12:09 am A confused-looking Danny Maccioca makes us wonder yet again how he coached a team to the Grey Cup. This guy is the Ozzie Guillen of the CFL.

12:13 am A 42-yard catch-and-run by Jason Tucker injects some life into the proceedings.

12:17 am Mike Maurer takes it home for an Eskimos touchdown. Finally.

12:18 am Somebody named “Nana” has replaced Damon Allen as the Rogers shill. This is a little intense, if only for her lack of neck. We’re gonna be honest: Nana scares the crap out of us.

12:26 am Robert Edwards responds for the Als. When the CFL holds its all-star game in Nunavut, somebody please tell him not to run on the ice floes.

12:41 am Matthews is challenging the spot on a third down gamble gone wrong. Which is weird, because we’re pretty sure he still hasn’t moved since the first quarter.

12:42 am Ruling on the field stands. Matthews looks…sleepy.

12:52 am Capping off a perfect drive after the Esks’ offence fizzles, Edwards takes it in. Truth is, the Als are scary good. We can hardly wait for the Argos to play them on four days rest this Thursday.

12:55 am We don’t like that the Als just picked off Ricky Ray, effectively ending the game. But we love that it was Etienne Boulay . Pulled it right into his ample bosom, he did. Much as it pains us that the Als are stacked, they’ve been racking up some pretty sweet plays. Pity that the Esks have looked like such hapless boobs…unlike the magnificent ones sported by the Als.

12:56 am All right, enough of that. But we'll say it again: This is God’s work we’re doing here. God’s work.

12:57 am Suitor, presenting the ever-popular “Glen’s Gladiator”, boldly proclaims that it’s “not about the stars"…then picks 2004 Defensive Player of the Year Anwar Stewart.