Originally this preview was going to be an ode to Jim Popp’s hair, but apparently Herb Zurkowsky of the Montreal Gazette already beat us to the punch on that one.

So besides the head coach growing out his hair, the second biggest development in Montreal was the announcement of a charity concert hosted by the Als for the Sainte-Justine Hospital and Garde-Manger Pour Tous featuring a performance by the OSM and conducted by Kent Nagano. (The OSM would be the Orchestre Symphonique de Montreal, for the unitiniated and clearly uncultured.) Obviously this a very worthwhile event and we're sure that everyone involved will have a wonderful time. But like every other football-related event, odds are required for recreational purposes:

-Will the Als host the event on a non-game night because they learned from the Argos’ mistake that big name acts like Shaggy and Kent Nagano don’t boost football ticket sales? 5 to 1

- Will the OSM perform Hey Baby (Will you be my girl?), widely recognized as the most popular song in the history of Montreal? 1 to 3

- Will it be a cellist or a percussionist who receives a seductive dance from a cheerleader? Cellist –130

- Over/under on number of people who will mistakenly believe that the conductor has signaled a first down when he raises his baton: 2,500

- Over/under on the number that will yell “First down Monnnnnntreal”: 2,498

Man, we're really glad we don't live in Edmonton. And not just for the usual reasons.

Apparently, twenty new Eskimos are now wandering the city without a home, unable to find an affordable place to stay.  While a little depressing, this initially seemed harmless enough - we're not talking about the Roughriders, after all. But then we realized that among the homeless Eskimos is one T.J. Acree.

In the Canadian Press report, T.J. plays a starring role as the loveable husband and father looking to provide for his family. But we recall a slightly different side of him from his days in B.C. - the one who somehow got so plastered inside a sushi bar that police had to subdue him with a taser gun on the way out.

If that's what some raw fish did to him (cue your inappropriate Eskimo joke here), we can only imagine the mischief our man will get into trolling the mean streets of Edmonton.

On a happier note, there's been copious mention through the pre-season of this being the year Danny Maciocia - rewarded for last season's last-place finish with the addition of "director of football operations" to his job description - really puts his stamp on the team. This can only end well...unless you're this guy, in which case it will probably end up with you in prison.

It's time to gaze into our crystal ball and answer all of the pressing questions about this year's Bombers.

By the end of the year, will (not the real) Greg Marshall have the finest mustache in the CFL?

It certainly seems like that'll be the case. Which reminds us, when we were at the Grey Cup launch party a couple of weeks ago (thanks again to the Argos for the invite), we noticed that Chris Schultz had...make sure you're sitting down for this... shaved his mustache. So, no 'stache for Schultz, none for Suitor and a clean shaven Rod Black... there's only one conclusion that can be reached here: George Steinbrenner is running TSN.

But back to the question at hand. The only CFL personalities who seem to be giving Marshall a run for his money are Jim Barker and Paul McCallum... at least until we start publicly demanding that Danny McManus grow a fu machu. 

How will Troy Westwood insult Rider fans this year?

None of us can ever think quite like Little Hawk. But most likely, he'll probably be amazed that no one has mistaken Eric Tillman for a gopher and tried to fornicate with him. That is, if Westwood would use the term "fornicate." 

What city will the Blue Lightning "go wild" in?

As documented extensively on this site, the Blue Lightning had a little bit of fun in Regina last year. Unsurprisingly, they were also easily the most entertaining dance/cheer team at the Grey Cup last year (Blue Thunder excluded). And let's face it - these girls are perfectionists. "Fun" in one CFL city led to a great cheer team, therefore "fun" in every CFL city will equal the greatest cheer team of all-time.

When will the Bombers finally erect a giant statue of Chris Walby?

Probably not for a while, considering how much bronze or concrete or, um, whatever statues are made of it would require. Inexplicably, the federal government decided to provide Winnipeg with funding for a new human rights museum instead of this. Shame.  
 

Damn the BC Lions. As much as we hate to admit it, we kind of need some help from the players and teams in coming up with something moderately entertaining to say about them. And what have the Lions given us? Nothing.

What can you really say about them? They have the best player in the league, the best QB tandem, the best offence, the best Canadian and the best kicker who has ever had manure dumped in front of his house.

We're starting to think this was a specific plot by the Lions against jackasses everywhere. Think about it…

• No significant new players

• No 1^st round NFL busts that have been selling real estate

• Our favourite Lion, T.J. Acree - who became the first (but hopefully not the last) professional football player to be tasered after eating at a sushi restaurant...gone.

• Geroy Simon…still refusing to explore his sexuality beyond that whole Superman thing.
  

That being said, we do think that the team slipped up in at least one regard this off-season. We all know that Wally Buono hates cholesterol with a passion rivaled only by Andre Rison’s fear of paternity tests... so where have our beloved anti-cholesterol ads been the last few months?

Cholesterol doesn’t take an off-season, Wally. Neither should you.

The Calgary Stampeders had another good regular season in 2006, riding an offence that made excellent use of trick plays to a second-place finish in the West. Sadly, all that was quickly forgotten as the team was eliminated by some sort of rodent in round 1 of the playoffs.

After that embarrassment, the team fired the architect of the offence and spent the offseason stockpiling players to push the starters. Whether this will pay dividends remains to be seen. But you do have to question some of the moves.

Additions:

• Receivers Ryan Thelwell and the oft-injured Marc Boerigter. Good moves by themselves, but do you really think that Nik Lewis is the sort of guy that’ll handle himself well if some of the spotlight is taken off of him?

• Duncan O’Mahony, whose performance in the 2004 Grey Cup will always bring a smile to any Argos fan. Hopefully he'll make it to the Argo Dome this year.
  

• Real estate agent Akili Smith, who is presumably being brought in to help some of the more useful players find accommodations in Calgary’s tough housing market

So what do we expect from the Stamps this year besides nicer houses?
No word on if he used the "V" as a slingshotFrst of all, we expect Scott Coe to really let loose with his hairstyles this year. No more of the banker look for him. More importantly, on the touchdown celebration side, we expect:

• Jermaine Copeland to recreate BC Place deflating

• Pole vaulting over the goalposts

• Akili Smith to put up a “Sold” sign in the end zone after successfully executing a QB sneak

• Something involving the two-man luge - so long as it doesn't come off all "gay" like Geroy Simon’s Superman pose

In any event, we’re looking for another solid year from the Stamps this year. And quite frankly, that's probably for the better. The idea of these two getting pissed off scares the hell out of us.