Before we get started, I just want to be clear that I'm completely ashamed of myself for titling this post with a reference to a catch phrase from The Bachelor. In my defence, the one time I saw the show I was stuck in a hotel room without cable during a rainstorm. And there was no remote... and the knob on the TV was broken... and I was being forced to watch at gunpoint. Yes, I realize that I should have just partaken in the mini-bar and gone to bed. Yes, I'm an enormous loser.

Nevertheless, now that the Alouettes have signed the Bachelor to act as their fourth-string QB, we thought it might be useful to check in on which other reality stars might be heading north of the border - and where they might go.

Flava Flav (Public Enemy, The Surreal Life, Flavour of Love) - Originally we were thinking Flav might head to the Alouettes, if only because he'd always have a response when Don Matthews asks "What Time Is It?". But we have a very strict one-reality-star-per-team rule here.

Flav's preference for wearing a Viking helmet would seem to imply that he'd prefer to play for the Boatmen, and we'd certainly love to have him. After all, he could be the next Damon Allen: They're about the same age, Flav has probably been on as many reality shows as Damon has teams, they're about the same weight, and there's at least a 3% chance that Damon walks around the house wearing a set of gold teeth. Besides, Toronto hasn't had this handsome an athlete since Otis Nixon.

Richard Hatch (Survivor) - Given that he's only been convicted of the relatively minor crime of tax evasion, he could probably act as a role model to some of the Roughriders. (And yes, we know we're setting ourselves up as Argos fans. But at least give us credit for not making jokes about a fat naked gay guy trying to fit in on the Prairies.)

Ruben Studdard (American Idol) - Since the city of Hamilton is amongst the world leaders in doughnut shops per capita, we really think that Ruben could provide the local economy with a boost. And remember: He's only slightly less mobile than Danny McManus was.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck (Survivor) - All right...for the sake of all those suffering Ticats fans, we're prepared to break that one-reality-star-per-team rule. Sadly, Elizabeth probably won't be able to bring her moderately talented husband with her. But on the bright side, even she probably has a stronger arm than Jason Maas. And if the team is looking for an appropriate replacement for Craig Yeast...well, um, take it away, Wikipedia entry.