Pop quiz: Anyone remember who was named Player of the Game in last year’s Grey Cup?

That would be one James Johnson, who intercepted three tosses from Ryan Dinwiddie. I raise this not to be labelled a Dinwiddie hater - who among us has not melted under the gaze of his icy blue eyes? - but merely to point out that the Bombers were basically one freak Kevin Glenn injury away from winning the Grey Cup.

This year, the Bombers have Glenn back with pretty much his entire offensive supporting cast Charles Roberts, Milt Stegall, Terrence Edwards, et al - intact. Meanwhile, players seem to be actually taking less money than they’re worth to stay in Winnipeg, with Tom Canada signing for less money than he was offered by Montreal and Derick Armstrong signing an extension that helped Winnipeg get under the cap.

Understand, this is no small sacrifice in the CFL; there’s a good chance that instead of heading to the Caribbean for their holidays, these guys will have to go to Falcon Beach.

One might assume they’re doing this because they think the Bombers have the best chance of winning the Grey Cup. Doug Brown, on the other hand, offers a somewhat more melancholy explanation. “You don't necessarily have to learn that hard lesson that we've all learned with our ex-girlfriends,” the defensive end says, possibly while sitting alone in his room getting misty to the latest James Blunt record. “Once you let them go, you realize how much you miss them sometimes." (Can someone please give Doug Brown a hug or set him up with a profile on eharmony?)

Ah, but in this feel-good atmosphere, whither Little Hawk? Alas, after 17 seasons with the team, Troy Westwood finds himself cast to the curb for a younger, hotter model.

Yes, the Bombers will likely dominate early and challenge the Argos for Eastern Conference supremacy. But in the end, I suspect, Doug Brown will prove prophetic.

No, Westwood is not going to get a hair cut (perish the thought! - ed), lose some weight and look better than he ever looked in the blue and gold. But don’t be surprised if the new kicker-de-jour messes up in a big situation and leaves Bomber fans wondering if they didn’t have it pretty good with ol’ Troy after all.

-Shoomy

It's time to gaze into our crystal ball and answer all of the pressing questions about this year's Bombers.

By the end of the year, will (not the real) Greg Marshall have the finest mustache in the CFL?

It certainly seems like that'll be the case. Which reminds us, when we were at the Grey Cup launch party a couple of weeks ago (thanks again to the Argos for the invite), we noticed that Chris Schultz had...make sure you're sitting down for this... shaved his mustache. So, no 'stache for Schultz, none for Suitor and a clean shaven Rod Black... there's only one conclusion that can be reached here: George Steinbrenner is running TSN.

But back to the question at hand. The only CFL personalities who seem to be giving Marshall a run for his money are Jim Barker and Paul McCallum... at least until we start publicly demanding that Danny McManus grow a fu machu. 

How will Troy Westwood insult Rider fans this year?

None of us can ever think quite like Little Hawk. But most likely, he'll probably be amazed that no one has mistaken Eric Tillman for a gopher and tried to fornicate with him. That is, if Westwood would use the term "fornicate." 

What city will the Blue Lightning "go wild" in?

As documented extensively on this site, the Blue Lightning had a little bit of fun in Regina last year. Unsurprisingly, they were also easily the most entertaining dance/cheer team at the Grey Cup last year (Blue Thunder excluded). And let's face it - these girls are perfectionists. "Fun" in one CFL city led to a great cheer team, therefore "fun" in every CFL city will equal the greatest cheer team of all-time.

When will the Bombers finally erect a giant statue of Chris Walby?

Probably not for a while, considering how much bronze or concrete or, um, whatever statues are made of it would require. Inexplicably, the federal government decided to provide Winnipeg with funding for a new human rights museum instead of this. Shame.  
 

With the year quickly winding down, we thought we'd steal a page from every media outlet/blogger/writer/drunken New Year's Eve partier and take a look back at some of our favourite people of 2006. Some impressed. Some dazzled. Most just amused, and only occasionally intentionally. Enjoy.

Number 8: The Blue Lightning
No, we do not have pictures from the Regina incident

Prior to starting this site we didn't really pay much attention to the exploits of other cities' dance teams.  So if asked at the start of the year which squad would be featured most prominently on the blog this year, we would have guessed Toronto's own Blue Thunder, or perhaps the Als' cheerleaders. Lesson learned: Never underestimate Central Canada.

In an event that will live on forever in the folklore of the Regina hospitality industry, Winnipeg's Blue Lightning terrorized the patrons of an unsuspecting hotel by singing and occasionally running around topless into the wee hours of prime time. (Unsurprisingly, the title of that blog entry seems to be very popular with the search engines)

Back on their home turf at Grey Cup Week, the Lightning delighted the throngs of inebriated football fans by actually having some fun with their routine and incorporating both football plays (Vegas set the over/under on the number of tight end jokes made during that performance at 200.5) and an unmistakable taunt of Jermaine Copeland and friends with a  fake bobsledding routine. 

Jermaine, we highly encourage you to avoid retaliating until after Danny Mac has retired, because the Lightning's brand of terrorism might very well kill him.

We’ll get back to our regularly scheduled football blogging momentarily, but in the meantime, we’d like to share another lesson we learned at Grey Cup week: Some Winnipegers aren’t especially fond of Brad Banks. Or chairs, for that matter.

During the Harlequin II concert, we found ourselves talking with a particularly rabid and only slightly aggressive Bombers fan. He was joking around about how the Bombers were going to steal Arland Bruce III back, or about the elaborate plan to relocate Pinball to the Prairies. A good chuckle was had by all… until he mentioned that the Bombers could use Damon Allen.

“Damon? You guys don’t need Damon, you’ve already got Brad Banks.”
Bomber Fans are Apparently Harsher than Hawkeye Fans Now, when I said this, I meant it as a compliment. Brad Banks was pretty decent in Ottawa, and while he wasn’t great in the Peg this year, he has shown some potential in the past. But uur new friend apparently didn’t agree with me. Instead, he stared blankly for seven or eight seconds as he tried to process this information; all the while his face was getting redder... and redder... and redder.

“F*** Brad Banks!" he finally bellowed. "F*** him!” At this point, he stood up to leave and we shook his hand to wish him well. However, his Banks rage wasn’t over with and something had to pay the price.

He strode confidently over to one of the folding chairs we were sitting on, picked it up, and hurled it behind him…. right at the feet at one of Winnipeg’s finest.

To the officer’s credit, he realized that the fan wasn’t trying to cause any harm and didn't eject him from the concert. But it took us a while to figure out why our new friend opted to throw a chair at someone’s feet (even if it was unintentional) - and finally, we got it. In order to show some respect for another quarterback rumoured to be the Bombers QB next year, he was simply doing his best impression of an Anthony Calvillo pass to Dave Stala.

We salute you, sir.

Yesterday's comeback was such an unexpected joy that, for once, we don't even need to belittle some other team or its fans to make ourselves feel good. And really, we have no bone to pick with Bombers backers. It's no fun having your season fall apart before your eyes, and it's not the fans' fault that they're stuck with Milt Stegall while we get Arland Bruce.

That said, one of the joys of the information age and its vast, vast array of sports-related message boards is that the emotional rollercoaster fans go through each game is saved for posterity. This is especially the case during sudden-death playoff games in which your team blows a 10-point lead in the final minutes.

And so, having had it brought to our attention by our friends at Argofans, we bring you this. You know that Simpsons episode where Lisa rejects Ralph Wiggum at the Krusty special, and Bart explains that in the slow-motion replay you can pinpoint the exact moment Ralph's heart breaks in half? This is pretty much like that, except it's Michael Bishop doing the heartbreaking.

We have to say, it's truly been a banner year for the young ladies who patrol the CFL's sidelines. There was the infamous Howard Stern appearance by the Ticats' Ashley H. and Deanna G. (Sorry, but cheerleaders just shouldn't have last names.) There's the curious double-agent status of Michelle and Lauren. And now, there's this - overly enthusiastic members of the "Blue Lightning" (who really must have a showdown with the Blue Thunder at some point) roaming hotel hallways, terrorizing Roughriders fans with singing, taunting and the occasional bit of toplessness.  

Now, to be honest, we have some doubts as to how wild and crazy these girls really were. For all the talk of "'hootin' and hollerin' into the wee hours," the complainants allege that the girls left their doors open as they got changed to hit the town later that night - which means either Regina is one crazy 24-hour party town, or it wasn't really all that late to begin with.

Nevertheless, we heartily applaud Winnipeg's finest for doing their best to give 'Riders fans a thrill. See, at last year's Riderville party at the Grey Cup, we found ourselves on a balcony watching in awe as a middle-aged Saskatchewanian did his best to curry favour with unsuspecting young women lining up for the nightclub down below. Sadly, his game needed a little work - "I've got my eye on you" isn't really the smoothest pickup line, especially when it comes from a guy sporting a green wig and facepaint and standing next to his very disapproving wife. But it's somehow heartening to know that, when the Bombers cheerleaders are on hand, there are women who actually want that guy's eye on them.

For the record, it's 67 days until Grey Cup festivities begin. In Winnipeg. Just saying. 

Because it's been cold and rainy all weekend, because half the city seems to be away, because we need to get in the mood for tomorrow's showdown at Ivor Wynne, because we haven't done this in a while and because those of you spending your holiday on Boatmenblog really deserve a special treat, it's time for what passes for a Boatmenblog staff party - also known as sitting on a couch and watching a CFL game way too closely. Tonight, it's the 'Riders and the 'Bombers. Enjoy.

7:03 pm Jock Climie and Matt Dunigan are having an intense back-and-forth conversation that appears designed solely to keep the camera off Chris Schultz.

7:10 pm A Labour Day poll asks viewers for their favourite rivalry. Shamefully, the classic B.C.-Monteal matchup is not an option. 

7:12 pm  TSN begins an extremely earnest feature on the Cosh family, joining them for their regular five-hour journey from Macklin, SK - apparently somewhere near the Alberta border - to Regina for 'Riders home games. We're going to seem like total jerks if we make fun of these people...even if the mother is inexplicably in a nun's outfit.

7:13 pm As they set sail from Macklin, the Cosh father tells his kids not to go in the "adult van." We don't really want to know what goes on in there, but we do kind of hope it involves these people.

7:15 pm This really is a very charming little feature. And who knows...by the time the Cosh children are all grown up with kids of their own, they might even get to see a 'Riders home playoff game. 

7:24 pm Each member of the pre-game panel is sent off into a different corner of the room for something called "Out of Bounds." It's slightly depressing that TSN spent a whack of money on a shiny new studio this season, and this is the only way they've figured out how to showcase it.

7:32 pm  After a particularly complex bit of analysis by Schultz, Dunigan bulges his eyes, waves his arms in the air and yells something about "distorted reality." We're pretty sure Schultz has officially blown Dunigan's mind.

7:38 pm Occasionally, we're glad we don't have HDTV. This closeup of Doug Berry is one of them. 

7:39 pm Chris Cuthbert repeatedly refers to this game as "critical." Somewhere, an unemployed Shake Severs is wondering about royalties. 

7:48 pm We're told about the 2,000 extra seats in place for the upcoming Rolling Stones concert. Keith Richards is so falling off the wagon when he encounters the Regina nightlife. 

7:49 pm In a pre-recorded clip, Danny Barrett gets all excited about "the hot dog smell in the air" on Labour Day. Presumably, Wally Buono is firing off a harsh letter even as he speaks.

7:55 pm Berry throws the flag to challenge the spot on a Kerry Joseph run, cruelly forcing Jake Ireland to contend with the new-fandangled contraption that is video replay. (A side-note: Until stumbling onto this, we never quite realized that Jake Ireland and John Ireland were the same person.) 

7:58 pm Joseph rumbles in for a touchdown, putting the 'Riders up 7-1 after the convert.

8:04 pm Troy Westwood hits a field goal, bringing the Bombers within four. Somewhere, there's an imaginary aboriginal community going nuts for its beloved "Little Hawk."

8:06 pm The incomparable Glen Suitor actually provides a moderately interesting tidbit: The Bombers stay in Moose Jaw over the Labour Day weekend to avoid all the "excitement" in Regina. How far away do these guys have to stay when they're playing in Montreal? Goose Bay?

8:09 pm Kerry Joseph caps another run-heavy drive with his second rushing touchdown. How many teams in a row have to decimate the Bombers' run defence before we stop hearing what an accomplishment that is?

8:21 pm A horrible Kevin Glenn pass flutters like a dying bird about four yards from the line of scrimmage. Did we miss Joe Paopao being hired as the Bombers' offensive coordinator?

8:29 pm Still no sign of vaunted homegrown talent Andy Fantuz...presumably because he's still in the clubhouse playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.

8:32 pm It's nice to see that Lonie Glieberman has found work kicking field goals for the 'Riders. 

8:35 pm The camera pans across a gentleman with an "S" shaved into his chest, either to show his devotion to the 'Riders or because he's the biggest Superman geek on the planet.

8:36 pm Cuthbert describes Joseph as "a little limp." Insert your own joke here.

8:37 pm Joseph finds Corey Grant in the end zone. Perhaps he's not so limp after all. 

8:45 pm Glenn hits Quentin McCord with a fluttering moon-shot that would make Eric Crouch proud. Why do the 'Riders always get burned by those?

8:46 pm Milt Stegall, possibly feeling the need to vindicate a TSN crew that's spent 85% of the game talking about him, surfaces for a touchdown catch. 

8:48 pm Now on the sidelines, Stegall gets the "How badly does Milt Stegall want to win?" treatment. Has last year's ESPN Sunday Night crew hijacked the broadcast booth?

8:57 pm After the 'Riders somehow manage another rushing touchdown (this one by Kenton Keith) on "the best run defence in the league," Andy Fantuz finally tears himself away from Adam Rita's game room to play a supporting role in an elaborate end-zone dance sequence.

9:01 pm As the half winds down, Suitor's not even speaking in sentences any more...he's just throwing random words out. Would anyone object if they replaced him with the video-game version of John Madden, circa 1998? ("Bam...he'll remember that number!" would be more insightful than anything Suitor has come up with so far.) 

9:02 pm Dominique Dorsey has a decent punt return for the 'Riders, proving himself the best DD in the CFL next to Dave Dickenson...and Etienne Boulay, of course.

9:03 pm At the half, it's 28-12 'Riders. 

9:06 pm Dunigan announces that the 'Riders have piled up "over 109 yards." What are we talking here? 109.3? 109.76? We demand specifics.

9:08 pm Schultz suggests that the 'Riders play is making Eric Tillman look good. Somewhere, a furious Roy Shivers is now picking his teeth with a bamboo stick.  

9:12 pm Getting the Brian Williams treatment, Eric Tillmans calls out the Argos for going over the salary cap (as did the 'Riders).

9:13 pm Tillman tells Williams he won't call out any specific teams for going over the salary cap. 

9:18 pm Westwood starts the second half with a godawful attempt at an onside kick, sending it straight out of bounds. Somewhere, Little Hawk's imaginary aboriginal community hangs its head in shame.

9:22 pm An ad for Cell FX tells us that Matt Dunigan "takes a pass on pain"...just like every CFL team is taking a pass on his coaching services. 

9:29 pm Alarmingly, an interview with Kenton Keith's family reveals that Grandpa Keith looks roughly the same age as Damon Allen.

9:31 pm Glen Suitor on Andy Fantuz: "You have to be a little bit more mental preparation." We swear to God, those were his exact words.

9:35 pm Glen Suitor on the Bombers cheerleaders: "They're givin' her down there." (We know...enough with Glen Suitor. But as this game rapidly turns into a blowout, he's all we have to amuse ourselves with.)

9:42 pm As the Bombers go two-and-out yet again, it seems appropriate to note that someone suggested to us today that the ball in their logo looks rather like the Hindenberg.  

9:53 pm It's the end of the 3rd quarter, the 'Riders are making a statement with a 32-12 lead, and so far as we can recall there hasn't been a single shot of Danny Barrett on the sidelines. Oh, right...this is all Tillman's doing.

9:56 pm Touchdown Shermar Bracey, and it's 39-12. Still no sign of Barrett, but at this point we'd rather see (not the real) Greg Marshall, just to see if he rips off his mustache and throws it at one of his defensive backs.

10:06 pm It's always awkward when the camera stays on a player sitting on the bench too long. After giving the usual shout-outs, Fred Perry is reduced to a "Hey, Canada!"...then just stares off uncomfortably into the distance.

10:09 pm Why is Kerry Joseph still in this game?

10:12 pm Hey, it's Danny Barrett! What's he doing here?

10:14 pm Albert Johnson inexplicably runs a missed field goal out to the three-yard line. Clearly, he hasn't been the same since Tom Bryce put the fear of God into him. 

10:25 pm Darian Durant is in at quarterback for the 'Riders. This is exciting news only because it allows us to show you this picture of him (in which he's apparently picking up Spergon Wynn's sloppy seconds.) 

10:28 pm We can forgive Omar Evans for getting himself ejected late in the fourth quarter of his team's latest loss. What we cannot forgive him for, under any circumstances, is his apparent failure to wear a cup. Ugh. 

10:29 pm Chris Cuthbert just stole our Bombers/Renegades comparison. Always happy to provide Canada's leading play-by-play guy with some material...even if we strongly suspect he just comes here for the Suitor-bashing.

10:31 pm As the 'Riders mercifully try to run out the clock, they're nailed for a time-count violation. Can we safely assume Jake/John Ireland is getting paid by the penalty?

10:32 pm As the final whistle goes, two of the four people in the room are asleep. Rest assured, though, that the "adult van" will be rocking all the way back to Macklin.

The team that's hosting the Grey Cup isn't supposed to have much of a chance of making it there itself. In fact, it's pegged before the season as quite possibly the worst team in the league. Then it comes charging out of the gate, and everyone - Chris Schultz especially, for some reason - spends a lot of time lauding it as the season's best story...only to watch in horror as the quarterback goes down and the team promptly implodes, suddenly hard-pressed to win another game all year.

Sound familiar? It should. Meet the 2004 Ottawa Renegades. 

Admittedly, the similarities with this year's Blue Bombers don't entirely hold up. For one thing, the 'Gades collapse started a bit earlier. And no matter how bad things get, it's pretty hard to imagine the Bombers (or the "Blue," as Winnipeg media are calling them in what appears to be a fit of political correctness) getting destroyed by Jason Maas. Also, though we can't believe we're saying this, Friday night's game would suggest that Doug Berry might actually be a worse head coach than Joe Paopao - his "zero tolerance" for losing notwithstanding.

Still, we like this angle. After all, any comparisons with the 2004 season are good with us. And the same goes for anything that increases the likelihood of Berry and/or (not the real) Greg Marshall giving us the finger.