So we’re back. While the off season was OK (it’s always entertaining to write scripts for Rocky VII: Showdown in Steeltown, Top 10 lists that only go to 5 and speculate on the whereabouts of Morganna) it’ll be nice to finally watch some football. Let’s get to it:

Rusty’s Picks:

B.C. at Toronto

It’s pretty obvious that the league wants to forget about that field-goal laden Grey Cup. How else to explain the fact that instead of being at home raising a championship banner, last year’s winners will be playing a game that will start at 3:30 on a Thursday local time?

In any case, this game features the teams that will most likely have the most significant quarterback controversies this year. OK, maybe Hamilton, but I’m pretty sure that after the last few years of futility that the Ticats have been demoted to First Division or Arena League or something.

Pick: Toronto

Winnipeg at Edmonton

What?!?! How could the Bombers release Jazzmen Williams? What are all of the TV commentators and headline writers supposed to do with gems like “Jazzmen’s making them sing the blues” and “Jazzmen improvises an interception”. You realize that this is killing Glen Suitor, right?

Pick: Winnipeg

Saskatchewan at Montreal:

Good to see that Etienne Boulay has joined the blogging world although it’d be nice if it wasn’t a team sponsored blog. In any case, for those who doubt the power of the fan blog, note that the team has taken down the old photo of Etienne, and replaced it with nothing. If only we used our power for good.

Pick: Saskatchewan

Hamilton at Calgary:

You know we’ve poked some fun at the Ticats and the city of Hamilton in the past, but jeez… we’ve never come close to the level that Doug Brown showed in a recent article in the Winnipeg Free Press. Doug seems to have forgotten that Bob Young’s a pretty shrewd guy though. If he let’s Doug get madder and madder, steam will start shooting out his ears, and voila… hot water without the cost. Brilliant. (Also, let's ignore that the Free Press has the date of the article as June 26, 1977)

Pick: Calgary

A-Rad's Picks:

B.C. at Toronto

One of the stranger phenomena in the CFL is the tendency for accomplished players to fall completely off the map - sometimes after all-star seasons. Personally, I like to call this Manny Hazard Disease. (Don't remember Manny Hazard? I rest my case.) This year, such a fate has befallen several beloved Argos - among them Eric England and my beloved Clifford Ivory, both of whom are apparently out of football. Also, R. Jay Soward, although that one might not quite fit the "inexplicable" tag.

Anyway, I really have no idea where most of these people are. But I know where they should be - at tonight's game. So if you're a displaced Argo, contact us immediately. We'll buy you a seat; hell, we'll give you ours. Just remember, this applies only to players who disappeared at the end of the season. If it was mid-season, we want no part of you, mostly because we're scared of you. We'll call this the Robert Baker Rule.

Pick: Toronto

Winnipeg at Edmonton

Speaking of displaced players, it really was sad to see Mookie Mitchell released by the Eskimos. So sad, in fact, that we really feel the need to cheer him up, lest Mookie be on some sort of Anchorman-esque binge in downtown Edmonton.

The obvious answer is to record a Mookie tribute song, but Rusty and I have no musical talent whatsoever. So there's only one option: appropriate the Mookie Mash - the classic tribute song recorded in Mookie Wilson's honour during his brief time on the Toronto Blue Jays.

Unfortunately, copies of the Mookie Mash are not as easy to find as you'd expect; for some reason, this gem doesn't seem to be available online. So if you're sitting on a recorded version, or are prepared to re-enact it, please contact us immediately. Bonus points if you also have a copy of the Tom Henke "Terminator" song ("You can bring him in now but he's even better later.")

Pick: Winnipeg

Saskatchewan at Montreal:

Quick quiz: name the Roughriders' starting running back. Go on...take your time. I can wait.

Give up? Okay. It's...hold on...Wes Cates. Yeah, I have no idea who he is either. But it's a safe bet that neither does Kent Austin, so it's probably not really worth trying to figure it out.

Pick: Montreal

Hamilton at Calgary:

A couple of years ago, TSN introduced a matchup between the Argos and the Ottawa Renegades as a battle that would feature both the "Knowin' Samoan" (Adam Rita) and the "Throwin' Samoan" (Joe Paopao) on the sidelines. This was unfortunate, since neither of those guys are actually Samoan. They're Hawaiian.

Hopefully Randorf & Co. have since gotten their Pacific islands straight. Because given the likelihood that Timmy Chang is starting in Hamilton by mid-season, the CFL - with its rich Rita/Paopao faux-Samoan heritage - may soon be recognized as the sporting world's premier destination for Hawaiian talent.

Pick: Calgary

Bonus pick:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Lions by himself. Overconfident from their Grey Cup win and having forgotten Pinball's awesome powers over the offseason, the Lions foolishly fail to poison Pinball, shrink Pinball or deploy some other dastardly tactic to level the playing field. How does Pinball do?*

Rusty's Pick: Pinball 73,463, Lions 0 (not even close)

A-Rad's pick: 76,246, Lions 0. (Stupid Lions.)

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches.