I'd prefer to avoid mentioning that A-Rad and I both hit the Marty York line last week, and will instead say that if you're not reading "Out of Left Field" from Neate Sager (and you should be), then you missed the Frank D'Angelo joke we wish we had made. Brilliant line. Go have a look, we'll be here when you get back.

Rusty's Picks:

Montreal at Winnipeg:

Dear Jack Todd and other members of the Montreal media,

On behalf of a selection of East division fans, I’d sincerely like to thank you for your recent calls for the ouster of Don Matthews. Your ridiculous assertions that the coach with the most Grey Cup appearances and regular season victories should be fired because he’s surly have brought joy to us all. Using a claim that scalpers aren’t making as much money from a sold-out stadium as they used to as a legitimate reason to fire a coach who is still technically in first place… magnifique! Please keep up all the good work.

Sincerely,

Fans of the Argos, Ti-Cats and Bombers

Pick: Winnipeg

BC at Hamilton:

Lions receiver T.J. Acree was apparently tasered outside a Vancouver sushi bar sometime last month.

I have to admit, when I heard the words “tasered” and “professional football player,” I didn’t immediately think of the words “sushi bar”. Maybe sake is more potent than we realized. That, or this is just how Wally Buono motivates his players. Luckily, Acree hasn't actually caught a pass since the incident. If this had actually worked, we might have seen a fried Dave Dickenson this week.

Now that tasering has been proven ineffective, Vegas has set the odds on the police method Wally Buono use will to motivate his players at:

Tear Gas 20-1

Billy Club 10-1

Needless Parking Tickets 1-5

Pick: BC

Calgary at Toronto:

# of the Blue Thunder that Reality TV Star Nick Lachey has expressed interest in having relations with: 2

# of Outriders that Reality TV Star Nick Lachey has expressed interest in having relations with: 0

We only have a few rules around here: 1) Never pick against the Argos... 2) Never imply that Pinball is anything less than the greatest football player of all-time and 3) Following reality TV stars taste in women will never lead you astray. (And yes, I realize that #1 means that #3 is superfluous).

Pick: Toronto

Edmonton at Saskatchewan:

I’m having a lot of trouble coming up with anything for this game. Let’s just re-print Danny Maccocia’s horoscope:

Gemini: “This week the stars have aligned in perfect balance for you. Decisions that seemed murky will become crystal clear and everything will fall into place. Unfortunately, by that time you’ll already be on the plane back to Edmonton. Don’t piss off the stars by celebrating early during the Grey Cup.” 

Pick: Saskatchewan

A-Rad's picks:  

Montreal at Winnipeg 

Everyone seems to have an opinion on where it all went wrong for the Als. Me, I blame it on the jerk who threw peanuts at me as we were leaving Molson Stadium in August. Since then, the Als haven't won a game. Isn't karma a bitch? 

The encouraging news for Als fans is that Ed Philion organized a players-only dinner the other night to try to get things sorted out. The less encouraging news is that he probably spent the entire meal under the table diving at their knees. 

Pick: Montreal 

BC at Hamilton 

So, Wally Buono. We all know you're not a quitter, except when it comes to cholesterol. So I can only assume that you'll seek sweet, sweet redemption this week by sending out Paul McCallum to kick it through the end zone every time you get inside the 40. After all, this is the one team you can probably beat doing that.

Pick: BC 

Calgary at Toronto

Argos fans, at least those who spend a lot of time on our favourite message board, are familiar with Ping. For this game, Ping is promising to bring all his friends for the biggest pre-game tailgate of the year. For the record, Ping is this guy. If you're going to this thing, as we will be, a helmet might be a good idea.

Pick: Toronto   

Edmonton at Saskatchewan

Good news, Edmontonians. Sure, your team's having its worst season in three-and-a-half decades, it just got beaten twice in a row by a team that previously went four games without scoring a touchdown, and its coach has been revealed as the CFL's answer to Ozzie Guillen. But help is on the way! Soon, the poor man's Terry Bradshaw will do for you what he did for the '04 Stamps. And if nothing else, his conversations with Danny Maciocia are going to be fantastic.

Pick: Saskatchewan 

Bonus pick: 

All of the Argos have somehow been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Stamps by himself.  Noting that it's Ladies Night at the Rogers Center, and knowing that Pinball would never harm the fairer sex, Tom Higgins replaces his Stampeders with Canada's National Women's Rugby team. How does Pinball do?*

Rusty's Pick: Diane Clemons 104  Stamps 0  (Pinball decides that the only way to handle the situation is to return to the sidelines to help call plays for his wife Diane.  After performing a 14-minute version of O Canada, Mrs. Pinball proceeds to run around, over and through the "Stamps".)

A-Rad's pick: Pinball 2, Stamps 0. (Pinball knows that the only graceful way out of this situation is to charm the ladies out of their pants (not literally). This being Pinball, he has little trouble doing so. By kickoff, they're so enamoured that they agree to take a knee in the end zone, then forego the rest of the game for a night on the town. No word if Malcolm Gladwell tags along as Pinball's wing-man.)

* = Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early '90s SNL sketches.