In the unlikely event that you haven't heard, Saturday's Argos/Stamps rematch will be "all about the women." It's unfortunate that this game's on CBC, rather than TSN, because nothing says "all about the women" quite like constant updates on the temperature inside Rod Black's pants. And since the game's not against the Als, there's no chance to thrill female audiences with some sort of reality star showdown between Jesse Palmer and Blue Thunder stalker Nick Lachey. But it's still possible to make Ladies' Night an event to remember, if only the Argos follow a few simple steps:

• With the Stamps in town, give women what they want: all Scott Coe, all the time.
  

• To get the alumni involved, designate a special Andre Rison section. Everyone goes home with a new baby, free of charge! (Note: "free of charge" does not apply to Bad Moon himself.
  

• Please, please, do not bring cheerleaders from 30 years ago back to say hello. We're sure they're very nice. We have no illusions that any of us, male and female alike, are immune from aging. But we don't know anyone who doesn't feel vaguely uncomfortable around middle-aged cheerleaders.
  

• No matter how much money he offers, do not let Frank D'Angelo serenade the winner of the Miss Argo contest with some 45-minute take on "Here She Comes, Miss America." Also, don't let him convince you that this is the prime opportunity for him and Ben Johnson to dress up in drag for one of their hit commercials. Nobody needs to see that.

• Whatever it takes, find a way to get the Winnipeg cheerleaders involved. Admittedly, this may be better suited to "Gentleman's Night" than "Ladies Night." But considering what they did in Regina, these girls really need to be set loose in a city with more than 200,000 people at some point.