Let the record show that anyone who wears a paper bag over his head to the first game of the season, as one of the regulars in our section did this past week, does not deserve to be taken seriously. All the same, the paper bag in question - on which the gentleman in question had written that it wouldn't come off until Damon Allen has been removed as starter - was an ominous sign.

We have many fears. only some of which involve being forced to watch another season with Kent Austin as our offensive coordinator. But now, something is happening that we couldn't have imagined in our worst nightmares: Toronto is becoming Buffalo.

Admittedly, we haven't quite reached the level of fans putting out campaign-style lawn signs supporting their quarterback of choice. Also, most of us haven't developed those weird accents yet and our average weight remains approximately 112 pounds lighter. But still, the Argos' apparently unresolvable quarterback controversy - now into its second year - is starting to look like the sort of thing that's tormented Buffalonians ever since the Flutie/Johnson era.

Now, apparently, we've got Steve Christie coming to town. Granted, this isn't nearly as alarming as Scott Norwood would be. But still, this needs to stop. If Jamel White forgets to put on his helmet before taking the field next game and Wade Phillips so much as passes through our airport, we're fleeing town before the housefires start.