You can finally stop sending in those e-mails and letters (although a singing telegram would have been nice). It's finally back. What follows is a slew of predictions from someone who knows less about football than most people have forgotten.

Hamilton vs. Montreal

I guess the league has opted for the "try and keep the game close" strategy for week 1, although it means that we've ended up with a bit of a lacklustre matchup for the opening game, to say the least. You'd think that a Printers/Calvillo matchup would be something to look forward to; alas, it's not 2004.

Pick: Montreal

BC vs. Calgary

Let's go ahead and set the over/under for the number of times someone questions if the Lions should have tried harder to retain Dickenson at 40.5.

Pick: BC

Toronto v. Winnipeg

You have to feel good about the Argos' chances here. You don't cut guys named Hercules (okay, Hercule) unless you're confident.

Pick: Toronto

Saskatchewan v. Edmonton

I can't believe that we're into Year 4 of the Macocia Experience. You really have to wonder at this point what has to happen before he gets the boot. My guess: It needs to involve either the Wayne Gretzky statue or Nanook.

Pick: Saskatchewan

Bonus pick:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice and their coaches are engaged in a marathon parking-lot brawl with Khalil Carter, forcing Pinball to come down from the boardroom and play the Bombers himself. In an attempt to slow him down, the Bombers have declared that they'll be honouring Milt Stegall after every catch he makes. (Milt Stegall - retiring this year…and this time, he's serious!)

After a 20-minute ceremony to start the game, Pinball decides to fight fire with fire and declares that he will be giving a retirement speech after each of his touchdowns. Exhausted and barely able to stand up, the Bombers exit Canad Inns Stadium two days later after a walloping defeat.

Final Score: Pinball 840 Bombers 5

Number of minutes spoken: Pinball 3,657 Milt 26