I've really got to be posting here more often... Week 5 of last year? Wow, that's awhile. 

Now that I've said that, of course there's no time for a proper preview, so we'll get to the important part:

Bonus Pick:
All of the Argos have been injured in practice leaving Pinball to play the Bombers by himself. Compounding the problem is that in honour of the return of the NHL the Bombers have been allowed to use jets on the field.  How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: First of all, kudos to the Bombers for sticking to the ratio and using some Bombardier jets, that's a classy move.  Pinball's advantage in this game will be that he has more energy than what is contained in jet fuel.

The first half is a bit of a defensive struggle with Pinball keeping the jets from landing in the end zone.  After a stirring halftime speech liberally using the terms "sweet spot" and "family" the jets fly off to deliver food to hungry children around the world, making the second half slightly easier for Pinball... Not that it would have impacted the final score much.

Pinball  361  Bombers & Jets 2

Toronto at Winnipeg:

Wow did Buck Pierce ever play well against the Cats last week.  It was almost enough to make me wish that the Argos had taken the plunge on him. Of course he’s bound to get injured again, so that becomes our new task: figure out how Buck will get injured this year. 

My pick? A trip downtown goes horribly awry when a gust of wind at Portage and Main gives him a concussion.

Pick: Toronto

Calgary at Hamilton:

I know that Buck Pierce can run a little bit, but the Cats are going to need to come up with a strategy to stop the QB from running the ball. Otherwise, Henry Burris might get all the way to Burlington before the Ti-Cats do.

Pick: Hamilton

Saskatchewan at BC

I don’t think I can say it any better, so I’m just going to paraphrase something a friend in Saskatoon sent to me this week.

New rule for the Riders huddle this week: Take a 12-pack of Pil out to the huddle on every play. If all of them have been passed out and you’re still in the huddle, get the hell out!

Pick: Saskatchewan

Montreal at Edmonton

Jeers to the Alouettes for removing all of the interesting information about its players from its website.  Most teams when you click on the “personal” section of a player’s bio have a paragraph or so of information... Crucial information when you “write” a blog that attempts to bring some humour to the game. 

Please think of the bloggers Als webmaster. Or at the very least, write something in Adrian McPherson’s bio indicating that he possibly made more money from being hit by a golf cart being driven by a guy in a raccoon costume than he will from playing football.

Pick: Montreal

Bonus Pick:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, so they do the only logical thing: get Pinball to play the Bombers by himself.  Complicating matters is that the Bombers have successfully petitioned the league to force Pinball to play the game while in a La-Z-Boy. How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: This is certainly one of Pinball’s greatest challenges yet and he has some trouble early getting stopped on his first possession giving up a first quarter FG. After he discovers that he can use the recliner to launch himself through the air and that the chair swivels (allowing him to gain tough yards on the few second and short plays that are needed) it’s all over.  As if there was any doubt.

Pinball 276  Bombers 4

Ok time for another season of terrible CFL predictions and snarky comments... Until of course real life gets in the way and we disappear for a month or two.  On to the picks:

Montreal at Saskatchewan:

Over/under on the number of 13^th man references made by tonight’s TV crew: 10.5. 

Over/under on the number of years spent in prison by Riders fans who attack the guy who will inevitably bring a “fear the 13^th man” sign?  30.5.

Pick: Montreal

Toronto at Calgary

“... and so it was ordained that a citrus would lead them to victory.”  I think that was from The Odyssey.  Anyway, we’re now officially prepared for tonight’s Cleo Lemon start. The fridge is full of Mill Street Lemon Tea beer and if the team somehow finds itself behind we’ve got the “rally limoncello”. Hopefully things don’t get too rowdy and no one pulls an Ed Philion (while having a drink dive at the knees of the person next to you).

Pick: Toronto

Hamilton at Winnipeg

So apparently Troy Westwood is applying for Wipeout Canada, which if his audition tape is any indication, is a show about being squirted with a lot of water guns. While I applaud Little Hawk’s initiative, if we’re going to see a former Bomber fall flat on his face, isn’t the obvious candidate Mike Kelly?

Pick: Hamilton

BC at Edmonton

Casey Printers was 1-4 last year with the Lions?  Really?  That doesn’t seem right. 

While the Leos may not be favoured to top the standings this year, with the addition of Dane Randolph to veterans Korey Banks and Tad Crawford they have once again secured their spot as the CFL team with the most players that sound like 80s movie villains. Nice job.

Pick: Edmonton

Bonus Pick:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, so they do the only logical thing: get Pinball to play the Stamps by himself.  Complicating matters is that the Stamps have fielded a team full of G-20 riot cops and protesters. How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: In the first half, Pinball decides to take the end zone by force, deftly avoiding  thrown bricks and bouncing off of riot shields on his way to an early 70-0 lead. During half time, he goes to the Stamps locker room and in a speech for the ages brings together the protesters and police.  With his opponents spending much of the second half hugging, Pinball waltzes to a 352-0 victory.

Bonus Pick:

All of the Argos have been cut by Bart Andrus, leaving Pinball to play the Lions himself. Complicating matters is that the dastardly Wally Buono has somehow reconfigured the SkyDome floor to have numerous trap doors, much like a Pinball machine. How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: Before we get to the pick, I'd like to point out something that I found bizarre while researching this. (Yes, these Pinball picks take research.  What did you think we did, just made them up?) We were going to try to make a reference to a famous pinball machine. Then realizing that one wasn't immediately coming to mind, we decided to google "best selling pinball machine".  It's an Addams Family game that came out in 1992.  You'd think that with all of the arcades, bowling alleys, basements and somewhat creepy neighbours houses that there would be one iconic pinball machine.  Apparently not.  The obvious reason, they all balked at even attempting to overshadow Pinball Clemons.

While Wally may think that all the new-fangled trap doors are enough to stop the older Pinball, Pinner is able to easily adapt and in fact uses some of the defensive lineman as bumpers to careen around the field and past Wally's obstacles. Things go from bad to worse for the Lions when Pinball goes down the tunnel at the half and what should emerge but not one, but two Pinballs.  Bonus Round! 

Final score: Pinball 472 points and 106 free games.  Lions 2

Bonus Pick:

All of the Argos have been injured in practice, leaving Pinball to play the Riders himself. Pinball is a man of compassion, but this might be taking it too far. In order to show solidarity with Arland Bruce III, Pinball develops sympathy hemorrhoids. How does Pinball do?

Boatmenblog Pick: Well this might be the most uncomfortable bonus pick we've ever done. Pinball quickly realizes that running isn't really an option and so he proceeds to play that game while running on his hands. While this is impressive in and of itself, Pinball further surprises the fans by scoring the decisive twentieth touchdown by using one hand in a spring like fashion pushing himself off of the ground and landing in the end zone 70 yards away.  Tackling was a bit of an issue for Pinner this week, hence the closer score.  Pinball 142  Riders 26

* Everything we need to know about football analysis, we learned from early ‘90s SNL sketches.