We have to be honest: We're having a little trouble mustering our usual level of excitement for this Saturday's Argos-Ticats tilt, since it promises to be the ugliest thing on a football field since Sinbad's role in Necessary Roughness. Or at least, we were having trouble getting excited. Then we noticed the sort of subplot on which great century-old rivalries thrive. And as an added bonus, it's got sex appeal - not exactly the sort of thing we associate with visits to Ivor Wynne.

It's got intrigue. It's got betrayal. It's got divided loyalties. And best of all, it's got cheerleaders.

As of last year, Michelle and Lauren were happily shaking it for the Blue Thunder (the Argos' dance team, not the terrible Steelback beer briefly named after it). Lauren, legend has it, was even dating former Argo Kris Aiken. But then the Ticats hired away Argos cheerleader coach Leslie Stewart, who's admittedly worked out much better than some of Hamilton's other new coaches...not least because she brought a couple of defectors with her along the QEW.

That's right - Michelle and Lauren are now full-fledged members of The Prowl. Now, we could be unkind and point out that since Hamilton appears to be where Argos cheerleaders go to die, or at least grow out of appropriate cheerleader age, The Prowl (who we swear to God we used to think were called The Scratch) should really be rechristened The Cougars. But we won't, because we haven't lost faith in these girls just yet.

Now, um, here's where things are going to get weird. Because we're going to tell you that Michelle, despite her purported excitement over "all the duties that come with being a Ticats Cheerleader" (whatever that means), is still driving a car with an Argos licence plate.

And you're going to ask yourself how we know this, and contemplate whether we're stalking cheerleaders outside Ivor Wynne. And we're going to tell you to never mind how we got this information (which, before you call the cops on us, really was from a source) and just think about the possibilities.

It's late in the fourth quarter of a tight (possibly scoreless) game, and The Prowl emerge to the strains of one of those '80s tunes Ticats fans can't get enough of (probably The Final Countdown). But just as things are getting too hot for Hamiltonians to handle, Michelle and Lauren rip off those weird catsuit-like things to reveal something skimpy and double-blue.

You think Hamilton hates Mike O'Shea? Just watch them try to deal with this. Of course, knowing our luck this season, it's more likely that the only defector tearing off a Ticats uniform to reveal something skimpy and double-blue will be Marc Pilon. But we can dream.

We know, it's been five days. Time to get over it. This is the last time we'll broach the subject...promise. But in honour of Danny Barrett, we bring you some excellent footage of Saturday's half-time show in Regina.

Okay, he didn't actually say that. In fact, he expressly said that he doesn't think that. But we're not above connecting a few dots, if it means launching a much-needed War of the Schultzes. Pity they're not related to each other (so far as we know). But just so long as we're not standing in between them when it happens, we're good with it.

We'd suggest that "evil" may a slightly strong word for anything that happens on the football field, provided that it doesn't involve Frank D'Angelo. But based on a generally thoughtful and candid column on helmet-to-helmet hits for TSN.ca, Chris Schultz begs to differ. Up top, he does say that he didn't think Scott Schultz's hit on Spergon Wynn was "dirty or evil." But later, he revisits the topic:

"I think helmet-to-helmet depends on the evil intent of the player. Some players in the NFL, CFL, college and youth football are evil. They enjoy maximum punishment and intimidation."

Scott Schultz seems to be exempted from this designation - mostly because of the "classy" and "genuine" move of expressing "concern and regret" about Wynn's condition to the Argos after the game. Fair enough. But we're curious what Chris Schultz would make of this little tidbit from Scott in today's Regina Leader-Post, right after he explains that he has no intention of paying the fine that he's now been handed:

"It was a dream hit. You can go your entire career and not get a hit like that."

Now, we're not saying that anyone who calls this a "dream hit" is evil. We're just kind of, sort of suggesting that Chris Schultz said that.