The first time we laid eyes on Pigskin Pete was 13 years ago, when we inexplicably ventured down the QEW with a couple of high school friends for the East Semifinal between the Ticats and the Ottawa Rough Riders. Most of the game was spent heckling Dexter Manley, which in hindsight we feel kind of bad about, but we distinctly remember watching a somewhat older gentleman using his bowler hat to lead an incomprehensible chant, and wondering what Dave Thomas was doing in Hamilton.

That was much better than one of our final encounters, at last year's Labour Day Classic, where we cringed in horror as the drunken, cigar-chomping Argo fan in front of us insisted on bellowing "FORESKIN PETE" every time the genial Ticats booster took the field. But in all the games we went to at Ivor Wynne in between, we had more than enough opportunity to appreciate Pigskin Pete as a legitimate CFL treasure. And we were secretly hoping for a meeting between him and other mascots, if only to watch him give Touche and Blitz the thrashing of a lifetime.

We have to be honest, though: Until last Friday, when he announced his retirement, it never occurred to us that there might be more than one Pigskin Pete. We'd just assumed that some guy named Pete had started doing impromptu cheerleading in the stands - sort of like Dancing Homer in that early Simpsons episode - and the team had decided to give him a regular gig. Now we find out that there were two Pigskin Petes before him - and that, shockingly, none of them were born with either "Pigskin" or "Pete" as their given names.

Anyway, all this leads us to the matter at hand. See, the Ticats have already given word that they'll be launching the search for Pigskin Pete IV in the off-season. Better still, Paul Weiler - that would be Pigskin Pete III's real name - will be actively involved in choosing a successor.

You know what you have to do. As soon as auditions are announced, bust out your best bowler hat, hire a choreographer to make sure you know just how to elicit the apprioriate "Oskee-wee-wees" and "Oskee-wa-was" from a crowd, and get your ass to Hamilton. Anyone who does so and regales us with a full account gets two free passes to the inaugural J-Dubbs Film Fest.