They say you never forget your first time, and neither does your liver. So rather than just share our own drunken observations with you, we bring you the virginal Grey Cup experience of our man Shoomy. (You may remember him from such jerseys as Jerome Davis's.) In his first missive, he shares his moments soliciting kisses from cheerleaders, shaking hands with Noel Prefontaine and chatting with a giant lobster.)

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It’s 9:30am on Saturday of Grey Cup weekend. A-Rad and Rusty were up this morning at 6:45 to make it to the Spirit of Edmonton for breakfast. Call me crazy - or still drunk - but the idea of paying $60 for the honour of waking up at 6:45 after an all day and night boozing and bamboozling session just didn’t appeal to me all that much. I’ll just settle for my usual breakfast of coffee and rye in the hotel room.

We checked out the East Coast party yesterday. Decent lobster rolls and a fine Celtic band made it an enjoyable event - although I could use a ruling on the exact definition of the word “fresh.” Were these allegedly “fresh” lobster rolls pulled out of a body of water in Winnipeg I don’t know about? And when we went back to the party at around 12:30 a.m., how did they still have “fresh” lobster rolls on offer. Was there a continuous flight to and from Halifax restocking the supply? (Yes, I did have a Lobster roll at 12:45am. And yes, I was better for it.)

We left the Atlantic party and headed over to the Argo Double Blue Fest, where I had my first full-blown religious experience since my Bar Mitzvah. I encountered G-D - and his name is Michael Clemons. Soon, his name will officially have to be changed to Mayor of Toronto Michael Clemons. I’m not saying I have anything against the newly re-elected David Miller, but I saw Argo fans asking Pinball to sire their first child – this guy is going to win whenever and whatever public office he chooses to run for.

Not to be outdone, Noel Prefontaine was also in attendance and continued to establish himself as a wonderful ambassador for the Argos and the CFL. At some point after the Grey Cup, I’ll detail my numerous Prefontaine encounters. But this one was particularly enjoyable. As Pre began to shake my hand, he was interrupted by a fan who wanted to say hello. Our hands were still locked and still moving in an up-and-down motion while this other fan proceeded to chew his ear off. This went on for at least two minutes, which was enough time for me to think of ways to deal with the situation:

A) Ride it out and continue shaking

B) Break grip but stay close to at least complete the “hello” when he finished speaking to the other fan.

C) Break grip, give Noel a gentlemanly nod as I walk away and allow him to devote his full attention to this new fan.

I went with the first option: Longest… handshake … (still shaking)… ever…

While I wasn’t impressed with the cover charge for Argo fest, it was hard to argue with the number of giveaways – tickets to this year’s Grey Cup as well as next year’s game in Toronto, with a touchdown celebration dance contest to decide who would win the tickets.

Now, I’ve been known to do a mean touchdown dance, and A-Rad has designed one of the most elaborate and well thought-out dances I’ve ever heard of. (It’s the Blue Steel of touchdown dances. Perhaps if you ask him nicely he might post a video demonstration around here – I assure you it would be worth it.) But neither of us entered the competition. Here’s why – as a man in my 20s, I know I have close to zero chance of ever winning one of these contests.

To prove my point, they got three gentlemen such as myself on stage and then an older (middle-aged) woman. The guys all did their routines of varying style and degree of difficulty; then the woman got up, turned to the crowd, gave a little booty shake and blew the house down. When the contestants were chosen, was there any doubt she was going to win? Maybe if she’d flipped Pinball the bird, or if she’d been up against a small child or Dancing Gabe. Certainly, no twenty-something man was taking her down.

It was at this point that we realized that despite feeling like it was 2:00a.m., it was actually only 6:30pm. We also came to the conclusion that despite the ample supply of Frank’s Red Hot sauce and the cute girls serving it (more on this in my wrap up post), we needed something to eat. Thank you, shockingly empty Pizza Hut.

The rest of the night basically centred around my quest to receive a kiss on the cheek from a member of every cheerleading team. Rusty played a strong wingman in this Vision Quest. At one point, he told me I was being too picky when I refused a picture from a member of Toronto’s own Blue Thunder simply because she was not my beloved Michelle G.

We went back and forth between Ticat Town and Riderville, with the brief aforementioned stop to the Atlantic party. No cheerleaders, sadly, but I did encounter the mascot for the Atlantic-team-to-be-named-later.
The Lobster with Some Bad Ass Rider FansThe Atlantic Lobster was only too happy to chat, and when I asked him to give-me-five, he replied “more like two.” But when we interrupted him taking a cigarette break outside the York Hotel and asked for a picture, he asked for “just one second to finish this butt” - totally bush-league, if you ask me, but certainly no reason to reject CFL expansion out east. (Can anyone honestly say they wouldn’t book their tickets tomorrow if there was the opportunity for a Grey Cup in Halifax?)

Our night concluded with me receiving three more kisses, and A-Rad once again swooning over “Free Ride” – the Rolling Stones Cover Band at Riderville. The quote of the night would have to go to Rusty as a scraggly looking tech person was setting up the mikes before the band’s second set. “There is the Free Ride roadie. And that is exactly what I would expect the Free Ride roadie to look like.” Meanwhile, A-Rad spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure who was Ron Wood and Keith Richards between the guitar player and the bassist. Let me reiterate I was checking for cheerleaders while A-Rad was scoping the band; to each their own.

Back to the present - Rusty has just re-entered the room from breakfast and told me that every cheerleading troupe was represented at the Spirit of Edmonton breakfast. His exact words were - “that might have been your big chance, but if we work really hard we can still get the job done today”.

On that note, bring on Day 3!