The Rogers Centre's other occupants, when they're not busy brawling with each other, are working diligently this year to woo the next generation of fans. Hence those light-hearted TV ads, and the spruced-up in-game entertainment. And hence, obviously, the piece de resistance: tickets for season ticket holders to an upcoming private concert with Hootie and the Blowfish.

Now, not to be hyper-competitive or anything, but we absolutely hate the idea of the Argos losing all their young fans to the massive star power being imported by the Jays. The only answer is to fight fire with fire, which is why the Boatmen really have no choice but to throw a private concert of their own.

The easy thing to do would be to bring in some other celebrated act that's just very slightly starting to cool off. The Crash Test Dummies, say. Or Ace of Base. Or Coolio. Especially Coolio. But there's a far better option staring the Argos right in the face. And since he normally follows staring you in the face with punching you in the face, the team really needs to move quickly.

As noted previously, Robert Baker is a double-threat. Or at least, Robert Baker was a double threat, back when he was dropping rhymes and catching footballs. Then he started dropping the footballs, and everything got all messed up. Now, as far as we can tell, Robert Baker doesn't exist anymore; having turned down the opportunity to go to the hip-hop hotbed of Winnipeg to play for the Blue Bombers, he seems to have morphed fully into his alter ego, Shake Severs.

This saddens us, in a way, because there really was no more fun player to watch when Baker was on his game. But the upside is that he now has the opportunity to thrill us with his music - as evidenced by what would appear to be the followup to his revered debut single, It's Critical. And how better to showcase those talents than in a private concert for Argos fans - a sweet, sweet reward for all the support we gave him during his time here?

Just make sure that if you're invited, you go. Because if you don't, Shake Severs will totally kick your ass.  

(Admit it: When we started talking music, you thought we were heading for another Frank D'Angelo post, didn't you?)