Earlier this week Ben Johnson announced that he had finally figured out how he tested positive for steroids in Seoul in 1988. The culprit: Carl Lewis, who Johnson claims slipped the banned substance into his beer a few days before the race. (No word from Johnson as to why he tested positive later in his career, but we’ll ignore that.)

Now while we here at boatmenblog have not put in the same amount of doped blood and sweat into trying to crack this “mystery” over the past 18 years as Mr. Johnson has, we do have an alternate theory.*
Sadly, we could not confirm if a Marilyn Monroe impersonator was present in Seoul.

Let’s set the scene. It’s 1988 and we’re still a few years away from Roberto Alomar’s McCain punch commercial that changed the way we viewed athletes as actors. A young apple juice executive is sitting in a bar in South Korea where he had been trying to find a cheaper supply of aluminum cans.

“If I’m going to get the business off the ground I need a big name endorser, and Hank Illesic won’t return my phone calls. But who’s bigger than Hank?”

At that time a young innocent sprinter walks into the bar to enjoy a beverage.

“Ben Johnson! Of course. But he’d be way too expensive. There must be a way to keep his celebrity status but get him cheaper…”

The juice magnate remembered the "special juice" he’d been using to propel himself to stardom as a goaltender in the B Division of the Beverage Producers of Ontario Men’s Hockey League…

To no one in particular he remarked, “Sometimes, you have to cheat... uhh to get ahead. Hey, wait a minute…”

Congrats Frank. It may have been 18 years later, but now… he cheetahs all the time.

* Note: Probably not true. Please don’t sue us.