Cowbell Jenny's

Search for the Next Spergon Wynn

This week: John Avery

Team: Toronto Argonauts

Position: Running Back

Height: 5' 10"

Weight: 185lbs

Sign: Capricorn - Ambitious and Humorous but Pessimistic and Grudging

Name Meaning: 'God is Gracious'

If you're the sort of girl (or a 22 year-old male intern) who enjoys being tied to a post while a guy pours fruit, vegetable, whipped cream and sugar on you, John's your guy.

But then, he also has some more wholesome appeal. If you're one of the many, many women who's fantasized about getting intimate with Pinball Clemons (who's married, devoutly religions and just about the last guy who'll ever stray from his wife) Avery is probably the closest you'll get - as evidenced by the Pinball impression he broke out for Brian Williams last week. If that doesn't get you going, nothing will.

Or maybe you're just normal, and looking for a mate who - in addition to the basic non-negotiable traits (good looks, sanity, a steady stream of income, a place of his own rather than a place on Mom's pull-out couch and the ability to go into Burger King without the manager calling the police) - can make you laugh. An amateur comedian who survived the stigma of playing in the XFL, when he's not on the field (which admittedly happens to be a fair amount lately), he can be found at your local comedy doing a pretty decent Ricky Williams impression. (It's really just his white-guy voice, but still.)

As an added bonus, you can marvel at his unique physique. According to Avery, unlike other babies afflicted with the genetic predisposition to exit the womb "chunky and round", he was abbed-up, entering the world with "pecs, shoulders, wide neck...everything". Just so long as he doesn't tear a hamstring muscle trying to entertain you, you're all set.